Losing the Mojo

C'mon over... c'mon over, baby...

I have forgotten how to flirt.

This is a single girl's bestfiend and I have forgotten the art... Shiyet...

What the hell is wrong is me?

It must be because it has been so long - three years, in fact - since the last time I felt the necessity to flirt with someone. After three wasted years with WrongAtAllLevels, now that I believe that God is giving me an opportunity to start feeling the "kilig" again, I end up screwing it all up and throwing back the opportunities God has given me.

Once again, what the hell is wrong with me?

He gives me food, with the additional offer of "making subo" to me, and all I did was refuse him and giggle... Shiyet...

He tells me that if I had difficulty looking for a boyfriend, he's just be here waiting. All I did in reply was giggle... Shiyet...

He plays with my hair and rubs his arms with my own and all I did was look uncomfortable and giggle... Shiyet...

Where the hell are my vocal chords when I need it?

I'm afraid that because I don't know how to flirt anymore, I might be sending him the wrong signals. He probably thinks I'm such a bore to be with. Or that I wouldn't be interested with someone like him. Or worse, that I was disgusted with him.

Great. Just great.

At this rate, I'll have a new boyfriend by year 2010.

Dammit... flirting was never such a problem with me. I used to know the ropes. Now, I'm grasping at the straws like an amateur. Arghhh!

And to think I've heard rumors that he was also interested with someone else. I might lose him to someone else... My fault, I'm so slow. He doesn't seem to be the kind of person who will wait for me to find my mojo.

Help!!! I really like this guy!!!

...Sigh...

Haven't seen Maroon Five at all today. I know he'll be busy and most likely went home early. Still, I was hoping to see him again, just to make sure that I didn't imagine the whole thing that happened yesterday.

Oh, crap. I hate this...

My horoscope for the day says:

Be the soul of understanding, especially if you and your new cutie haven't been on the same wavelength lately. They may be coming off as gruff, but that's just because they don't have your ability to articulate their feelings.

This is so him. He's so hard to read... Shiyet... This is just another problem waiting to blow up in my face... Why the hell am I attraced to him in the first place? Dammit...

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Waking Up From A Deep Sleep

There is nothing as addictive as the aroma of a new romance...

I've been secretly attracted to this guy, Maroon Five. He was actually the opposite of almost all past boyfriends I've ever had simply because I knew I was no match for this guy. He was controlling, dominating, definitely more matured than me, but sweet and thoughtful in the most unexpected ways. I honestly don't know why, but for some reason, I am attracted to him like moth to a flame. I never really entertained any ideas of us hooking up because I knew that it was forbidden. Besides, he has never implied anything before that might show that he was also attracted to me. He would joke about going out on a date with me but I never really took him seriously. I was contented admiring him secretly and from a distance.

Until lately, things seem to be taking a strange turn. His attentiveness and sweetness to me particularly, makes me think that maybe this isn't just a one-way thing. It felt like finally, someone is waking me up from a very deep sleep. Once again, the feelings of uncertainty, fear of rejection, and confusion become mixed with that nostalgic feeling of excitement and anticipation. I am suddenly familiarized with the "kilig" feeling once again, after such a long long time.

Sometimes, I think that maybe I'm just imagining all this. So what if he held my hand the whole time while we were talking? That could just mean, he didn't want me to just pass by him right away. So what if I felt him caress my hand? I could be just imagining all that. It's not as if he texts me or anything. I mean, if he was interested, I'm sure he would since he does know my number. But why the hell does he always single me out when I'm with friends. Maybe it's a reverse thing. Maybe he really doesn't like me, that's why he frequently singles me out. Maybe he's just a very big flirt. Or like I said, maybe I'm just imagining the whole thing.

Shiyet... here I go again...