Status: 27, Single

Yes, I am 27 and single.

Some people have been asking me recently if I have a boyfriend. I think the answer for that would be yes, I do have a boyfriend. But why, you ask, do I consider myself single, if I am with someone?

It’s easier to tell people I’m single than to tell them I’m not. When you tell them you’re single, the only questions to follow will be “Why aren’t you married or in a relationship?” and you can just tell them, “I’m dating, nothing serious.” And your companion laughs awkwardly and proceeds to shift the conversation to another baseless topic like school or the weather. On the other hand, when you tell people that you have a boyfriend, a barrage of follow-up questions are sure to come up, like “Who is he?” “Do I know him?” “Where did you meet him?” “How long have you two been going out?” “Is it serious?” “So, when are you getting married?”

Ever since I’ve started seeing TFO, I’d been very ambivalent regarding my responses to those kinds of questions. It would have been okay if I was confident as to the status of our relationship, especially when the only person I’ve been brave enough to talk about him is JaneDoe and a few close friends from highschool.

But the thing is I’m not.

Oh, yes, I love him – he rocks my world – and I would like to think that if we had only met in different circumstances, at a different time, at a different place, then, he would have been perfect as THE ONE for me. But I don’t know if I am strong enough to make our relationship last, even if I know he wants me to. I’m not 100% sure I can give him that, especially since we come from different backgrounds (I’m a doctor, he’s a lawyer. LOL. Kidding! But wouldn’t it be great if he was? LOL), what we have is unconventional (I think the proper label would have been “It’s complicated”), it is not the kind that will last forever (I’m preempting an end sometime within the next two years or sooner, even if he always makes all this 5-year or 10-year plans for the two of us) and let’s face it, I‘ve been burned too many times, it’s a surprise that my jadedness has not yet affected our relationship.

So basically we’re taking it slow, just enjoying the moment, and I even if I know it will end someday, I refuse to think of the future. We have each other. That’s certainly enough for now.
But enough about the boyfriend and back to the woes of single-hood.

As a single and dating 20-something soon-to-be professional, I have learned that labeling yourself as “single” does not particularly increase your chances of finding Mr. Right nor the Mr. Maybes. It turns out that in order to do so, one has to first, be happy that he or she is single.

What? Happy to be single? You look at me with one eyebrow raised in suspicion.

You cross your arms and stare at me in disbelief. If singlehood is so darn wonderful, then why do we all want to date and get ourselves a boyfriend or a girlfriend?

Simple. Because most of us equate the singleness with loneliness.

When that should not be the case.

I have a friend, who I’ve started calling JaneDoe in this blog, who frequently laments about her singleness. She has been with this guy, Chauvinistic Asshole Who Thinks He’s God’s Gift to Women or CAWTHGGTW (but I think we’ll call him CAW, for short), on and off for eight years and she wants to finally get out of the relationship that continually sucks her every being. The catch is, she will only do so IF she finds someone better first. So, she tried being single for some time and of course, failed in every aspect, and so, until now, she’s still continually letting CAW screw her and destroy what measly number of neurons she has left.

Here is how she failed.

In order to make other people notice that you are date-able, you have to create your own inertia and momentum by having a life, being sociable, taking care of your own interests. When I was in between boyfriends, I always tried to have positive disposition, studied harder to get fantastic grades, enrolled in a gym to look better and feel better, took up new hobbies like blogging, kept myself busy etc. The more I had going for me, the more people notice and the more they became attracted. You start emanating a certain kind of energy that people of the opposite sex will simply gravitate to. People now have to work harder to catch up with you… because you have become to them, a challenge. Suddenly people notice that you're a catch! People know somehow that you're not willing to just settle for something, that you're willing to walk away from a situation that doesn't work out for you - and that willingness to walk away says everything they need to hear about how you view your self-worth.

That confidence translates into respect. And a man only respects a woman who respects himself.

JaneDoe did none of that.

She felt embarrassed about being single and analyzed everything to death, never allowing herself the feeling of single-hood completely, never truly enjoying the happiness of being single. She was afraid of being alone, of not getting married by the age of 30, of losing someone that good-looking. She was contented to fill the void with nostalgic memories of how he used to love her and transfer the love-that-was into the emotional emptiness that his selfish love-for-now could only give. She attracted only a limited number of prospects and half-heartedly entertained them, frequently finding fault in every guy, comparing him to the perfection that was CAW, shoting down one prospect after another before he even started. She sticks it out with CAW, bearing the scars of war well, the emotional bruises, the constant pain, the tears she held back. She chose to stay in a relationship that does not even make her happy anymore, for she felt that it was better to be with someone who only used to love her than to not be with him at all.

I don’t wanna say that JaneDoe has completely lost respect for herself by being unable to walk away from CAW and for continually letting her world revolve around him. I don’t really blame her. I think that at some point or another, the fear of being single and alone engulfs us so badly that we choose to stay immobilized in situations that do not particularly make us happy.
It’s not easy to take that first step and conquer that fear.

But once you have and you give yourself the chance to learn to be at peace with your “single-hood,” it doesn’t really take long for others to notice and revoke your status from “Single” to “In A Relationship” once again.

Just speaking from experience =)

---- Certain parts taken from Dating Dummy’s What I’ve Learned (So Far)

I am just crazy about Dating Dummy’s blogs and I just finished reading his entire blog as far as 2004, the past two days. Of course, the fact that he is cute helped a lot (Or at least, as far as from what I’ve seen through his pics wherein you can’t even see his face completely but the half-nekkid ones were just hot, hot, hot!) although very much taken, as noted from his latest post. It’s so nice to hear about bloggers who write about their dating experiences and finally finding THE ONE through the same blogosphere as well… Why the hell am I not meeting more intelligent witty hot guys in my area who write blogs in their spare time? Seriously!