No, seriously... You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself, you can do just about anything you want and nobody gives you migraines from all the senseless arguments ranging from trust, insecurities, infidelities, the clothes you wear, the number of times you keep in touch, etcetera.
But why is it that even when you're not in a serous relationship with anyone at all, there is always - and I mean, ALWAYS - one guy who will play mind games with you
I hide him under the name Maroon 5.
When I met Maroon 5 for the first time, I sensed something. Something that I wasn’t sure if I was ready for. Despite the fact that he occasionally acted like a fire-breathing ass, there were plenty of times though that he was very sweet and caring. He was also always noticing things about me. After a month or so, whenever our paths would cross, he started flirting. Or at least, that's what I thought it was. He would caress my hand, tell me I'm pretty, ask me when we were going on a date, the usual stuff. Unfortunately, Maroon 5 had a reputation - plus a good friend also had a crush with him - and like the selfless generous girl that I am, I decided to back out from whatever possibility there might be and decided never to take him that seriously.
Things were pretty much like that for the months that followed. It wasn't until lately that he seemed exceptionally - and I mean, EXCEPTIONALLY - sweet to me. He would text me at least 1-3x a week, ask me how I am, tell me that I'm blooming or very huggable, that he misses me, and all that sweet crap supposed to make any sane girl swoon. Hell, I feel like any day from now, I’m about to swoon. If I wasn’t so afraid of my losing my head AGAIN over some random guy like some stupid naïve young adolescent, I might actually be unable to stop myself from throwing myself into his strong open arms.
He’s that good... I mean, really...
I am dealing with a professional heartbreaker.
So, you ask, if he seems really interested with me, why am I not in a relationship with him?
1. I don’t know if I want a relationship with him. He’s too much like me. And I haven't decided yet if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
2. I don’t know if I’m ready for something serious or if I would be contented with something not. As for the moment, I don’t really know what I want
3. I feel like I’m in a love-hate relationship with him. One moment, I’m inlove with him, the next moment, I hate him because he plays with my mind
4. He has a reputation of being a player. Enough said
5. Until now, despite all the flirtations and secret messages, I’m not so sure if he’s really into me
The weirdest thing is he has never really seriously walked up to me and made an actual set-the-time-and-day kind of date. Which is why I keep thinking that maybe he's just flirting with me for the laughs. Or the attention. Or maybe the humor. Or for a gimik buddy. Or a social organizer. Whichever one is more convenient for him. I mean, don’t you think if a guy really liked a girl, he would do something like actually set a date instead of just insinuating to me the possibility of a date?
Why can't things be as simple as boy meets girl, boy and girl fall inlove, boy and girl fall out of love, end of story
Sometimes I think that maybe the reason why he doesn’t set a date is because he’s still trying to see if I would actually be open to the possibility of going out with him? Of course, if that was the case, then it meant that he wasn't actually as suave as I thought he was. Which would make him all the more adorable... damn!... But of course, I can’t be flat-out sure and do something that will assure him that if he asks me, I will go out with him, because I've already been burned too many times. I was kind of hoping that the next time I like a guy, I wasn't going to make my moves and flirt back with him, not until he’s done his moves first and that I’m pretty sure already that he’s interested with me.
Okay, I admit. I too am afraid of being rejected.
Damn... what the hell have I gotten myself into?
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