Having just done with my research proposal presentation, I have realized that what I'm planning to do is certainly not an easy task. How the hell do you convince the police force to incriminate themselves by admitting that they engage in sex with commercial sex workers? Hay, naku... Ang yabang ko talaga. Kahit pa ba magkakoneksyon ako sa mga pulis (thanks to the help of Van-van, Leo and Doc Ric), I doubt that many of them will admit to doing so when they themselves are the ones who catch these prostitutes and all those who support them.
I have been recently going to the PNP Regional Office to get in touch with the Medical Health Officer but it seems that we aren't meant to meet since I never get to catch him in his office. Hehehe... To make things worse, I need his permission first before I start doing my methodology at the City Police Station. So, kahit, okay na ako sa City Police (thanks uli to Van-van and his Pops), I can't start doing my research pa. Huhuhu...
Kasi naman, ang yabang ko. Sabi ko, kakayanin ko lang. Eh, kababae kong tao! Ibang klase pa namang lumandi ang mga pulis na yan! Tanda na, nagpapacute pa.
Although, I have to admit, some of them are really cute... Ayan, lumandi na. Hahaha... I remember one particular instance, when I was still in ZCMC, where one particularly young policeman and his superior brought in a patient whom I had to suture during my Surgery rotation. We got to talking and I told them that because of the number of patients that we had to deal with, I haven't had my dinner yet. A few minutes after they left, the young policeman came back and brought me one Jolibee burger meal so that I can have my dinner na... Oh, di ba? It pays to be female talaga. Hahaha...
Too bad, I never got the chance to know that young policeman's name. Hahaha...
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Lame excuses to tell an ex-boyfriend you don't wanna date him again
A couple hours ago, Lasa began texting me, using the same endearment that he has used with me for the past one and a half as if we were still together, asking me out once again. I'm generally a nice person and I have partially guilty feelings for breaking up with him without even talking to him first in person so I continued replying to his messages. It seems that he found out that things weren't working out between me and the guy I told him about before (Sino ba yan kasing nagkukuwento ng lovelife ko sa kanya, ha? Hmmm...) so ayan na naman siya, knocking my door once again.
Instead of being brave enough to tell him "NO", I just told him "I'll see." Duwag talaga ako. But now that I think about it, I should have just used the following phrases commonly used during break-ups to make him understand that I really don't want to date him again.
1. I'm pregnant and it's not yours.
2. I don't want to breathe the same air as you do.
3. I'm happy being single.
4. The classic "It's not you, it's me."
5. I no longer wish to be violated.
6. I deserve someone better.
7. I've realized I'm homosexual.
8. I only go for one-night stands nowadays.
9. I'm joining the convent.
10. At ang pinakamasakit... "You're too old for me."
Joke lang... Seriously, I really just don't love him anymore. I honestly hope he will soon find someone who will love him enough to help him change his ways.
Bait ko na talaga ngayon, no? Hehehe... =)
Instead of being brave enough to tell him "NO", I just told him "I'll see." Duwag talaga ako. But now that I think about it, I should have just used the following phrases commonly used during break-ups to make him understand that I really don't want to date him again.
1. I'm pregnant and it's not yours.
2. I don't want to breathe the same air as you do.
3. I'm happy being single.
4. The classic "It's not you, it's me."
5. I no longer wish to be violated.
6. I deserve someone better.
7. I've realized I'm homosexual.
8. I only go for one-night stands nowadays.
9. I'm joining the convent.
10. At ang pinakamasakit... "You're too old for me."
Joke lang... Seriously, I really just don't love him anymore. I honestly hope he will soon find someone who will love him enough to help him change his ways.
Bait ko na talaga ngayon, no? Hehehe... =)
Versus
There’s a really thin line between love and friendship.
It has been said that there’s a certain point – the point of no return – where you have to risk yourself if you want to bring that friendship to another level.
I think I’ve done that.
Yet he seems to look at me like his own sister.
So now, the crossing’s going to be the other way around.
Konti na lang and I’m going to lose that love and start to look at him as a friend.
So much for having found your ideal man. Ideal friend pala yun. Hahaha…
Vs.
There’s a really thick line between interest and love.
There are various stages one has to pass through to get from one point to another: acquaintances, friendship, flirtation, trust.
Some may attempt to do shortcuts, but obviously, these do not produce the same desired effect.
Been there, done that.
Never again.
Even the most experienced guy cannot play me around his finger.
Ako pa gaguhin niya?
Mas matanda lang siya sa akin pero mas matino na ako ngayon.
CONCLUSION: Sa mga pulis na lang ako! Apir, Seph, apir!
Isosorbide Dinitrate
I can feel the tears slowly falling down my cheeks
The lines blur and I keep pressing the wrong keys
I can't work, I can't function, I can't breathe
You occupy my every thoughts
If I could only take back the messages I've sent
But I can't.
Because I'm tired of waiting for you to speak
Tired of swimming in the confusion you have left me to drown
Tired of falling inlove with an uncertainty
For what we were was nothing but a simpole figment of my imagination
You wouldn't speak
Maybe there were just no words for you to say
You kept your voice masked under all the pretentions
When all I needed was for you to tell me
That you love me
So I left.
I can't believe I'm stuck on picking up the crumbs you've thrown my way
When there are others willing to pick up after my own
Others who desire for me the way I desire you
And now I fake my way through every minuyte
Attempting to gather the pieces of what's left in my heart
When I am nothing but dead inside
Everytime I remember how easy it was for you to give me up
I laugh, I joke, I flirt
But I can't let that smile reach inside me
Because the pain is crushing my very core
I am squeezed from inside out
Give me Isordyl
Ten milligrams sublingual
Until I feel no more.
"I love you, punyeta ka, manhid ka ba?"
I can feel the tears slowly falling down my cheeks
The lines blur and I keep pressing the wrong keys
I can't work, I can't function, I can't breathe
You occupy my every thoughts
If I could only take back the messages I've sent
But I can't.
Because I'm tired of waiting for you to speak
Tired of swimming in the confusion you have left me to drown
Tired of falling inlove with an uncertainty
For what we were was nothing but a simpole figment of my imagination
You wouldn't speak
Maybe there were just no words for you to say
You kept your voice masked under all the pretentions
When all I needed was for you to tell me
That you love me
So I left.
I can't believe I'm stuck on picking up the crumbs you've thrown my way
When there are others willing to pick up after my own
Others who desire for me the way I desire you
And now I fake my way through every minuyte
Attempting to gather the pieces of what's left in my heart
When I am nothing but dead inside
Everytime I remember how easy it was for you to give me up
I laugh, I joke, I flirt
But I can't let that smile reach inside me
Because the pain is crushing my very core
I am squeezed from inside out
Give me Isordyl
Ten milligrams sublingual
Until I feel no more.
"I love you, punyeta ka, manhid ka ba?"
Wine vs. Beer
I'm confused na.
I like them both. Crap.
And you know what's so funny, they're like wine and beer. Wine is refined, sophisticated, matured. But when you want to have fun with your friends, you go for beer because it has a different kick and it's not too expensive. You don't need to make a good impression when you're drinking beer because anything goes. Still, at the end of the day, when you need to settle down, what better way to do so than with wine? Beer cannot give you the security that you need. Beer is too young to commit and you need to give beer some time to age, to enjoy brewing by itself. Beer is for those who don't have any courage to speak up. Wine, on the other hand, are for people who have no problem with admitting what they feel. Wine, although delicious by itself, it even tastes better as it ages but you know very well that you're too simple and not sophisticated enough for wine. Wine also cannot be enjoyed without the presence of cheese.
Hay, naku... What the hell am I saying? Hahaha...
Inom na nga lang tayo, mga pips!
I'm confused na.
I like them both. Crap.
And you know what's so funny, they're like wine and beer. Wine is refined, sophisticated, matured. But when you want to have fun with your friends, you go for beer because it has a different kick and it's not too expensive. You don't need to make a good impression when you're drinking beer because anything goes. Still, at the end of the day, when you need to settle down, what better way to do so than with wine? Beer cannot give you the security that you need. Beer is too young to commit and you need to give beer some time to age, to enjoy brewing by itself. Beer is for those who don't have any courage to speak up. Wine, on the other hand, are for people who have no problem with admitting what they feel. Wine, although delicious by itself, it even tastes better as it ages but you know very well that you're too simple and not sophisticated enough for wine. Wine also cannot be enjoyed without the presence of cheese.
Hay, naku... What the hell am I saying? Hahaha...
Inom na nga lang tayo, mga pips!
Adventures of the Female Master Dater
This is for all the girls who have had men cheat on them.
I now know why men cheat. It is just too damn addictive. That feeling of having the affections of more than one person, you dating A today, meeting with B tomorrow, texting with C every night... it's like riding a motorcycle running really fast... Deep inside, there's the thrill about being caught, yet you don't want anyone of them to find out. You lie when asked who was that person who picked you up from the gym, about doing your report when you're actually too busy flirting with someone through text. You find yourself holding two cellphones at night, one for Smart and the other for Globe. All that flirting... It makes you wonder why people want to be in committed relationships, when dating non-exclusively is just too darn fun...
Hay naku, NYTM. Sa impyerno talaga ang bagsak mo nito. Hahaha...
And I've also realized why men stick to their girlfriends despite wanting to fool around with other girls. Because after all the excitement, all that fun and games, all that thrill, at the end of the day, you just want to settle down with someone who will love you no matter what, despite all the extra pounds, despite the fact that you eat too much, despite the fact that you don't have the perfect teeth or the perfect body...
Recently, I've come to a few realizations that caused me to do some pretty big changes in my lovelife - or the lack of it. Hehehe... I've finally found the courage to break up with my boyfriend, who has been treating me crappily, for a year and a half. Despite the lack of commitment, I stood by him, in the hopes that when he finally decides to settle down, it will be with me. One year and a half went by and he has remained the low-life that he was. So much for the "I love yous" I wasted on him. So, I said to myself, he's not the only guy in the world who is interested with me, so, despite the slight regret that I wouldn't be that infamous girl who will be able to make him change his ways, I told him that we should finally stop seeing each other. End of the story for Lasa.
Another realization is the fact that hindi naman pala ako pangit. Hahaha... May appeal din naman pala ako. A couple of years back, I was holding on to a relationship that I knew was not good for me for so long (three years, in fact) because I was afraid that no other guy will love me anymore. WrongAtAllLevels stripped me of whatever self-esteem I had and made me feel that I wasn't going to find anyone better than him. But recently, I am meeting guys who are willing to take me seriously. As in, court me... At this day and age, what kind of guy still tells you that he wants to court you? It's been so long since I've had a guy tell me he wants to court me, that I find myself acting like a school girl, ignoring him whenever we see each other. I feel awkward and uncomfortable and I can't find anything to say whenever he's around. So much for being the so-called female master. Hahaha...
Finally, this realization just came across with me last night. I am inlove with someone. A very good friend, "Geoff Eigenman", who is on the rebound from a recently bad break-up, not ready to commit with anyone exclusively and has very particular tastes in his serious girlfriends. And now I know why there are movies about bestfriends letting the opportunities pass and not telling each other how you feel because it's scary to tell someone how you really feel and actually mean it. You risk letting him see that piece of vulnerability you rarely let others see, especially when all this time, you have been hiding under a mask of jokes and laughter and non-exclusive flirting. You keep everything under wraps because you know that there is that possibility that you will lose him forever if you tell him what you feel and he just doesn't feel the same for you.
So, I just kept my mouth shut.
The Master Dater has finally lost her nerve.
Saying Goodbye to Maroon 5
I didn't even feel anything. Not even some sort of relief that the whole thing was over. The so-called relationship that lasted for one year and six months has now finally gotten its closure. I knew it was dead long before I ended it, but I just never had the guts to tell him the truth.
So, I lied.
"How do I say this? I can't see you anymore. I'm actually seeing someone..."
And his reply?
"For the last time?"
Humirit pa ang gago. Hahaha...
Still, sometime in my long ago past, I knew I was in love with him. That just didn't last enough nor wasn't strong enough to tide both of us.
Goodbye, my dearest Maroon 5...
So, I lied.
"How do I say this? I can't see you anymore. I'm actually seeing someone..."
And his reply?
"For the last time?"
Humirit pa ang gago. Hahaha...
Still, sometime in my long ago past, I knew I was in love with him. That just didn't last enough nor wasn't strong enough to tide both of us.
Goodbye, my dearest Maroon 5...
Numb
A friend I call Bare-naked once told me that he thinks female doctors are "manhid". I was vehemently denying the whole thing, of course, saying things like we're not like that, we just have to control our feelings and not be as expressive or as emotional as other people because our job requires it, we too feel the same emotions, and so on and so forth.
Of course, I knew he was just daring me and probably testing my limits to see if I was attuned to his ulterior motives or not.
Hello, I was never the naive type. I knew what he was thinking.
Going back to the topic at hand, lately, circumstances in my life have started to make me think that maybe he was right.
I have become numb.
Maybe it was just the guy. Or rather, the guys. But I think I've become numb. The heat is there, but the passion is gone. Even if I try to imagine a happily ever after for him/them and me, I can't anymore.
Or maybe it was the just because all the disappointments have started consuming me. I don't care anymore what he thinks. I have become careless. And tactless. I don't give a damn anymore if he/they think they're the only one. Or that if I'm inlove with him/them.
Do I even want the happily ever after? Some part in my mind says yes. But I have started to realize that it's just not possible.
The numbness has gotten through me.
Frigid. That's my middle name.
Of course, I knew he was just daring me and probably testing my limits to see if I was attuned to his ulterior motives or not.
Hello, I was never the naive type. I knew what he was thinking.
Going back to the topic at hand, lately, circumstances in my life have started to make me think that maybe he was right.
I have become numb.
Maybe it was just the guy. Or rather, the guys. But I think I've become numb. The heat is there, but the passion is gone. Even if I try to imagine a happily ever after for him/them and me, I can't anymore.
Or maybe it was the just because all the disappointments have started consuming me. I don't care anymore what he thinks. I have become careless. And tactless. I don't give a damn anymore if he/they think they're the only one. Or that if I'm inlove with him/them.
Do I even want the happily ever after? Some part in my mind says yes. But I have started to realize that it's just not possible.
The numbness has gotten through me.
Frigid. That's my middle name.
Mistake No. 7
Di na talaga ako natuto.
God, how stupid of me. All guys really are the same. Matapos ang lahat, wala na. At nagsayang ka na ng load, ng oras at ng kilig sa kanila.
Bakit di ko na lang kasi inuntog ang ulo ko sa pader instead na pumayag maging "special friends"? Paulit-ulit na itong nangyayari, I never learn my lesson at all. Palibhasa, I am hoping that one day some guy will fill in this sense of incompleteness. Siyempre, I have to instill it into my very stubborn mind that emoptionally unavailable guys will never be the ones who will be able to do that.
Leche talaga...
And now, to make things worse, I have to face the consequences of my actions. I have to pretend that it was nothing, that like him, I was never serious about what we had, that I never minded the fact that he has changed, that I'm a strong independent woman and I'm okay with all this.
Here goes another one of my best dramatic performances.
You know who you are.
God, how stupid of me. All guys really are the same. Matapos ang lahat, wala na. At nagsayang ka na ng load, ng oras at ng kilig sa kanila.
Bakit di ko na lang kasi inuntog ang ulo ko sa pader instead na pumayag maging "special friends"? Paulit-ulit na itong nangyayari, I never learn my lesson at all. Palibhasa, I am hoping that one day some guy will fill in this sense of incompleteness. Siyempre, I have to instill it into my very stubborn mind that emoptionally unavailable guys will never be the ones who will be able to do that.
Leche talaga...
And now, to make things worse, I have to face the consequences of my actions. I have to pretend that it was nothing, that like him, I was never serious about what we had, that I never minded the fact that he has changed, that I'm a strong independent woman and I'm okay with all this.
Here goes another one of my best dramatic performances.
You know who you are.
To Bare-naked: Checkmate
I did not wish to be possessed
But I was sunk in between these checkered stripes
Swimming among the blacks and the whites
I am nothing but a pawn in this crazy game,
Wishing for the king,
The king forever possessed by his queen.
How stupid of me.
I did not even intend to play
I did not know how
But I got caught.
Now it's your turn.
Your move.
But I was sunk in between these checkered stripes
Swimming among the blacks and the whites
I am nothing but a pawn in this crazy game,
Wishing for the king,
The king forever possessed by his queen.
How stupid of me.
I did not even intend to play
I did not know how
But I got caught.
Now it's your turn.
Your move.
Detoxification
A good doctor/friend once told me that, because of certain symptoms that he was starting to feel healthwise, for the next two weeks, he was going to quit smoking and drinking, for the purpose of detoxification. This, coming from one who has been heavily smoking since college and drinking at least 3x/day.
That got me to thinking.
I think it's time I think of detoxification as well.
Not the smoking or the drinking, of course, since these vices have not been disturbing enough for me that I should come to a point that I should quit, but I'm thinking of qutting another unhealthy vice that has been my bane eversince puberty hit.
I'm swearing off men for the next four weeks.
To my closest friends who are probably falling off their seats, laughing their assess off upon reading this blog, mahiya naman kayo! I have chosen this path because of the fact that wala silang dinudulot na maganda sa buhay ko. Hehehe, joke... No seriously. Guys complicate my life when I am already contented, though not particularly happy, with the way my life is going. I get headaches thinking as if I am in a constant mind game with them. It pisses me off that one of these days I might end up falling inlove with someone I can't be with. So, since I have the misfortune of attracting the wrong type, aka, the emotionally unavailable ones, I'm just staying the hell away from all men in general. They will be treated as nothing more but brothers to me.
No more "special friends".
For the next four weeks, I will be celibate... in the dating game.
Good girl na ito. Promise. Hehehe...
A good doctor/friend once told me that, because of certain symptoms that he was starting to feel healthwise, for the next two weeks, he was going to quit smoking and drinking, for the purpose of detoxification. This, coming from one who has been heavily smoking since college and drinking at least 3x/day.
That got me to thinking.
I think it's time I think of detoxification as well.
Not the smoking or the drinking, of course, since these vices have not been disturbing enough for me that I should come to a point that I should quit, but I'm thinking of qutting another unhealthy vice that has been my bane eversince puberty hit.
I'm swearing off men for the next four weeks.
To my closest friends who are probably falling off their seats, laughing their assess off upon reading this blog, mahiya naman kayo! I have chosen this path because of the fact that wala silang dinudulot na maganda sa buhay ko. Hehehe, joke... No seriously. Guys complicate my life when I am already contented, though not particularly happy, with the way my life is going. I get headaches thinking as if I am in a constant mind game with them. It pisses me off that one of these days I might end up falling inlove with someone I can't be with. So, since I have the misfortune of attracting the wrong type, aka, the emotionally unavailable ones, I'm just staying the hell away from all men in general. They will be treated as nothing more but brothers to me.
No more "special friends".
For the next four weeks, I will be celibate... in the dating game.
Good girl na ito. Promise. Hehehe...
The Drama of a Mistress in the Making
I must really have the makings of a future mistress.
I just found out that this guy I was considering dating, Geoff Eigenman* has a girlfriend. He was almost perfect, we were compatible in almost all levels, and I knew he really liked me too. He was a guy I knew I’d actually consider being serious with. A guy worthy enough for me to quit smoking, a vice that has been my security blanket for that feeling of incompleteness that has been my bestfriend for too many years now.
I mean, God. Seriously. Is this some kind of a joke? I’ve already been in that situation before. It was hell. All that agony of having to smile and wave as he goes off to meet his girlfriend, the pain of knowing he’s probably having sex with her at this exact moment, the pretentions of being okay with it when it hurts me so much… I seriously don’t want to do that again. Why, God, why?!
Bakit ba ako lapitin ng mga lalakeng taken?
Am I being punished? And if I am, for what? As far I know, I was nice to all my boyfriends in the past. If ever there were times that I was bad, I knew they deserved it anyway because they were worse. Is there a shortage of single and available men in this world? Do I not have the charm to entice guys who are not shackled by their wives or their girlfriends?
Oh, come on. Mahirap ba talaga akong hanapan, Lord? All I want lang naman is a nice single guy who will treat me the way I deserve. I want someone who will think of bringing me dinner when I am on 24 hour duty or one who will take me out to lunch when I’m assigned at the OPD. I want someone who will encourage me to go to church by holding my hand the whole time during mass. Someone who doesn’t ask me if he can take me out on a date but knows that I need to spend time with him and relax by watching a movie or having a picnic when I am from duty. Someone who will be proud to take me home to meet his parents. A non-smoker who will not ask me to stop smoking but will expect me not to do so infront of him or a smoker, whose lips doesn’t taste like an ashtray. Someone who can hold his drink and does not get raving drunk. A good conversationalist who doesn’t end up talking about himself or his ex-girlfriends the whole night. A guy with a stable job or one who is currently in the process of securing himself a stable career.
A guy with his own passions and his own interests, one who is not too wrapped up with my own affairs that he lets his life revolve around me. One who will choose to hang out and get along with my friends, even when he is afraid they might scrutinize him, or simply one who will allow me to go out with them, without making me feel guilty about choosing to spend time with them rather than with him. Someone who doesn’t mind that I have close male friends.
A hot-blooded male whose sexual preference was never ever questioned. Someone with a naughty streak, who finds green jokes funny, but will not expect me to sleep with him if I don’t want to. Someone who doesn’t think a date should always end with a make-out session, but will never fail to kiss me goodnight when he takes me home. Someone who will give me a quick kiss on the lips or caress my hand or make any affectionate gesture everytime he sees me, even if it is only for a few fleeting moments everytime our paths should cross. One who welcomes such kind of affection from me and will look proud that I had kissed him in public or chosen to surprise him at work.
Good looks is not a must. I just want someone who doesn’t look embarrassing enough to stand beside with. The size or shape doesn’t matter but I would definitely prefer one who is at least my height or taller or one who is not morbidly obese.
I want someone who doesn’t mind the extra pounds, or tells me to stop eating after three spoonfuls of rice because I was starting to gain weight. I definitely want someone who eats more than I do. Someone who will encourage me to lose weight by taking me for a stroll around the oval everyday or surprising me with a 3-month membership to the gym and accompanying me everytime.
Someone with brains is highly welcome. I don’t like wasting time explaining too many terms during a conversation. I find a guy who spews out medical terms or legal terms or other professional-sounding occupation-related words highly sexy. I would prefer an older guy for upto 8 years but younger guys upto 3 years who are not too absorbed with their own selves are also welcome, as long as he will not become too much of an embarrassment when I take him home to meet my parents. Such will occur at a time when I think I am ready for it and not after he has blackmailed or made me feel guilty about not doing so.
That’s all I want. Mahirap ba yun?
I hate this life.
*not his real name
I just found out that this guy I was considering dating, Geoff Eigenman* has a girlfriend. He was almost perfect, we were compatible in almost all levels, and I knew he really liked me too. He was a guy I knew I’d actually consider being serious with. A guy worthy enough for me to quit smoking, a vice that has been my security blanket for that feeling of incompleteness that has been my bestfriend for too many years now.
I mean, God. Seriously. Is this some kind of a joke? I’ve already been in that situation before. It was hell. All that agony of having to smile and wave as he goes off to meet his girlfriend, the pain of knowing he’s probably having sex with her at this exact moment, the pretentions of being okay with it when it hurts me so much… I seriously don’t want to do that again. Why, God, why?!
Bakit ba ako lapitin ng mga lalakeng taken?
Am I being punished? And if I am, for what? As far I know, I was nice to all my boyfriends in the past. If ever there were times that I was bad, I knew they deserved it anyway because they were worse. Is there a shortage of single and available men in this world? Do I not have the charm to entice guys who are not shackled by their wives or their girlfriends?
Oh, come on. Mahirap ba talaga akong hanapan, Lord? All I want lang naman is a nice single guy who will treat me the way I deserve. I want someone who will think of bringing me dinner when I am on 24 hour duty or one who will take me out to lunch when I’m assigned at the OPD. I want someone who will encourage me to go to church by holding my hand the whole time during mass. Someone who doesn’t ask me if he can take me out on a date but knows that I need to spend time with him and relax by watching a movie or having a picnic when I am from duty. Someone who will be proud to take me home to meet his parents. A non-smoker who will not ask me to stop smoking but will expect me not to do so infront of him or a smoker, whose lips doesn’t taste like an ashtray. Someone who can hold his drink and does not get raving drunk. A good conversationalist who doesn’t end up talking about himself or his ex-girlfriends the whole night. A guy with a stable job or one who is currently in the process of securing himself a stable career.
A guy with his own passions and his own interests, one who is not too wrapped up with my own affairs that he lets his life revolve around me. One who will choose to hang out and get along with my friends, even when he is afraid they might scrutinize him, or simply one who will allow me to go out with them, without making me feel guilty about choosing to spend time with them rather than with him. Someone who doesn’t mind that I have close male friends.
A hot-blooded male whose sexual preference was never ever questioned. Someone with a naughty streak, who finds green jokes funny, but will not expect me to sleep with him if I don’t want to. Someone who doesn’t think a date should always end with a make-out session, but will never fail to kiss me goodnight when he takes me home. Someone who will give me a quick kiss on the lips or caress my hand or make any affectionate gesture everytime he sees me, even if it is only for a few fleeting moments everytime our paths should cross. One who welcomes such kind of affection from me and will look proud that I had kissed him in public or chosen to surprise him at work.
Good looks is not a must. I just want someone who doesn’t look embarrassing enough to stand beside with. The size or shape doesn’t matter but I would definitely prefer one who is at least my height or taller or one who is not morbidly obese.
I want someone who doesn’t mind the extra pounds, or tells me to stop eating after three spoonfuls of rice because I was starting to gain weight. I definitely want someone who eats more than I do. Someone who will encourage me to lose weight by taking me for a stroll around the oval everyday or surprising me with a 3-month membership to the gym and accompanying me everytime.
Someone with brains is highly welcome. I don’t like wasting time explaining too many terms during a conversation. I find a guy who spews out medical terms or legal terms or other professional-sounding occupation-related words highly sexy. I would prefer an older guy for upto 8 years but younger guys upto 3 years who are not too absorbed with their own selves are also welcome, as long as he will not become too much of an embarrassment when I take him home to meet my parents. Such will occur at a time when I think I am ready for it and not after he has blackmailed or made me feel guilty about not doing so.
That’s all I want. Mahirap ba yun?
I hate this life.
*not his real name
The Race to the Altar
A good friend of mine just got married a few weeks ago. Although the marriage was sort of rushed, she inadvertently insists that she was ready for the whole tying the knot shenanigan. The incident, of course, made me reflect on my own semi-chaotic life and the lack of stability which was somehow becoming the road that I was traveling in.
Seriously, I know I need to straighten my own life. Break up with this guy I can’t seem to find the guts to break up with, find a nice serious guy who will take me seriously and maybe introduce me to his parents, study more, stop pretending I’m okay with this feeling of incompleteness. Still, am I really ready for all that? When I think about it, I cringe because I don’t really know the answer.
It’s funny when your friends are married or in serious relationships. They either push you to be like them (ergo, get hitched) or encourage you to do the things they missed out (ergo, pimp you to their hot friends). At this point, I don’t really know which one I prefer the most, although the latter does sound a whole lot more enticing, hehehe…
I was actually engaged once. I got the engagement ring, the whole “Will you marry me?” thing and all the shenanigans that went with it. He was incredibly excited, I was afraid of losing him that I said yes, even when I knew I was far from ready for the marriage thing. I knew in my heart that if we actually made it to the wedding day, there was the 98% chance that I might do a Julia Roberts thing and become a Runaway Bride. We got “dis-engaged” when he fell for a girl 8 years younger than him, one who couldn’t keep her legs crossed. Somehow, I got over it and I can seriously say now that I’m happy things didn’t work out between us. I honestly hope he has a good life now with her.
A few months ago, a guy I was seeing also asked me if I wanted to get married. He was at an age that marriage seemed like the next best step. I said no. Not because I didn’t like him or because I wasn’t ready for it, but because I knew that we weren’t the most suited for each other. A relationship that was kept under wraps certainly didn’t make for a lasting relationship. Besides, I can sense that he too wasn’t really ready for it.
I’m not really a commitment-phoebe as some of my friends might think. Okay, so I am a little afraid of rejection, which is probably why I make stupid excuses when coupled with this nice cute doctor and I keep postponing a date with this hot nurse three years my junior I met a week ago. I would like to think that maybe I’m just a little wiser now. With five boyfriends in my past, I should have learned a lot already from whatever mistakes I’ve made previously. So, unlike most people, I don’t want to race to altar. I want to stroll towards it, tread slowly in my 4-inch stilettos, the heels loudly clicking, because I know that in the end, it will all be worth it.
To Ms. HM, who will remain forever one of my most missed gimik buddies...
The Kiss
A few hours ago, I got an unexpected quick kiss on the lips from an ex-boyfriend, Lasa. Yes, I was touched. My hormones were on overdrive having been cast into a dry spell for the past few months and I had half the mind to pull his lips closer and just get lost in the nostalgia.
And forget that he was a notorious player.
Forget the one billion and one rumors that he was dating this girl or about to marry that girl.
Forget that he had never really taken me seriously despite the almost one whole year that we were together.
Forget that we had never really been inlove with each other in the first place.
But I stopped myself. Oh, yes. I missed him, with a need that I felt will erase whatever loneliness I had recently been feeling. God, I missed him, but certainly not enough for me to miss the fact that he was still not ready for what I really wanted from him and that he and I just weren't meant to be together.
So, stop kissing me na, please, or else I might just not be able to stop myself from kissing you back!
Hahaha...
And forget that he was a notorious player.
Forget the one billion and one rumors that he was dating this girl or about to marry that girl.
Forget that he had never really taken me seriously despite the almost one whole year that we were together.
Forget that we had never really been inlove with each other in the first place.
But I stopped myself. Oh, yes. I missed him, with a need that I felt will erase whatever loneliness I had recently been feeling. God, I missed him, but certainly not enough for me to miss the fact that he was still not ready for what I really wanted from him and that he and I just weren't meant to be together.
So, stop kissing me na, please, or else I might just not be able to stop myself from kissing you back!
Hahaha...
Walk away, NYTM, dammit!
Leche! I have to get out of this na talaga. I have to set my life straight. Study more, be serious with internship, be nicer to my parents, stay away from non-serious relationships, avoid settling for something less. I guess I should set things straight na lang with Lasa. Ayoko ng ganitong lagi akong pinaiisip. Pinadodoubt ang capabilities ko. Pinagugulo isip ko with the constant "Seryoso kaya to? Nilalaro lang yata ako nito? Totoo kaya yung narinig ko?".
Crap. Tama na, NYTM. Tama na ang pagiging doormat mo.
Maybe I should start setting my sights on guys who are like his total opposites. Maybe I'd be happier. Maybe my love will be more reciprocated, or at least, valued more.
And I will finally stop feeling sorry for myself for always being that Meantime Girl.
Shiyet... Bakit ba kasi hindi ko maiwan-iwan ito? Di naman siya kaguwapuhan.
And no, BRU, hinde kay grande, okay? =)
"Sana kahit mag-asawa ka na ng iba, magkikita pa rin tayo."
Crap. Tama na, NYTM. Tama na ang pagiging doormat mo.
Maybe I should start setting my sights on guys who are like his total opposites. Maybe I'd be happier. Maybe my love will be more reciprocated, or at least, valued more.
And I will finally stop feeling sorry for myself for always being that Meantime Girl.
Shiyet... Bakit ba kasi hindi ko maiwan-iwan ito? Di naman siya kaguwapuhan.
And no, BRU, hinde kay grande, okay? =)
Things to Do Before I Die #4
After having spent the past few days hanging out with Cocoy and Elgie during our Molave/Pagadian trip, I was ready for some drastic female company. Don't get me wrong. I love those guys like my own brothers/future sperm donors/saviors of spinsterhood. Still, I wanted to do something first. Something I had wanted to cross on my list of things to do before I die (which will be discussed in another blog sometime in the future) once the opporunity arrived.
And so, I took the 6 hour-long bus trip to Cagayan alone.
I've always wanted to go to a place alone, with no one there to meet. Just a few days of self-reflection, shopping and alone time with the most important person in my life - me. Yes, I'm that self-absorbed. Hehehe...
No, seriously. It was kinda cool to find myself in Cagayan, hailing taxicabs, haggling with the cab drivers, shopping, shopping and doing more shopping, eating at places I would usually be too kuripot to eat in, taking my time fitting clothes I wanted to buy because no one was there to hurry me up anyway, finding a motel to sleep the night in, laughing my heart out inside the room when I saw the condition of the motel room (Trust me, it sucked a whole lot more than Country Living. Only bigger... Not that I've been inside Country Living. Kwento lang nila sa akin. Wahahahaha...).
One thing I learned in Cagayan though was to never ever trust cabdrivers. One, if you give them a P100 bill for your P77 fare, they will shower you wth compliments, sweetly say thank you and do not give you your change anymore. I was duped three times by that scheme. Two, if you were already in town and you ask them which one is the nearest for them: Limketkai or SM, they will instead tell you that "Mas maganda sa SM". Which of course, you ask him to bring you there. Only to find out that Limketkai was already somewhere in the downtown area, that you were actually closer to Limketkai and you could have saved yourself the P89 cabfare you spent when he brought you to SM, which was a mountain's trip away from the downtown area. Three, because of my pagiging kuripot, I was stupid enough to listen to a cabdriver's suggestion rather than to a highschool classmate's recommendation. Thus, I ended up in William's Inn, a rundown motel that stood infront of a hubu-hubu. Yes, a hubu-hubu. I even took a picture of the sign that stood right infront of my room.
Sure, I only paid P350 for 5 hours of stay in a really cheap airconditioned room but considering that I came in at 2 AM, tapos walang cable yung TV, what's the point of having a TV in there? Yung airconditioner, parang de-barko sa ingay. May sala set nga doon pero I can just imagine the pokpoks coming from the hubu-hubu across the street doing their naked gymnastics in that thing that I was too afraid of sitting in the couch for fear that I might catch something. May hot water nga, and the bed had new sheets naman pero still. If I stood in the middle of the room, i can just imagine the DOMs, pokpoks, adventurous highschool teenagers and weirdoes doing an orgy in every nook and cranny of that room. That room reeked of sex. Not the passionate make love kind of sex but the illicit, oh-yes, damn you, who's your daddy, moaning and grunting, paid for, red light zone kind of sex. I wanted to change to another motel, a cleaner one, hopefully, but considering that it was alreaady 2 AM and I was not in the mood to haggle with the receptionist in Bisaya, a language I was still unable to master, over refunding my P350, I just took a deep breath and stuck with it.
But over all, I had fun in Cagayan. Medyo malungkot lang ang walang magtake ng picture mo but that's what timers are for anyway, di ba? Hehehe... All in all, I felt so independent. Like I could pretend I was in a different country and this was how it was going to be, how I was going to handle myself if I started living alone, on my own.
It was great. I felt giddy and heady at the same time. Feeling ko, para akong lumayas. Lumayas sa mga problema ng buhay, family, school, love, health.
I wasn't a doctor. I wasn't anybody's daughter. I wasn't anybody's doormat.
I was just one of the many beautiful faces gracing the streets of Cagayan - a tourist, soon to be forgotten, before I will even be remembered.
And so, I took the 6 hour-long bus trip to Cagayan alone.
I've always wanted to go to a place alone, with no one there to meet. Just a few days of self-reflection, shopping and alone time with the most important person in my life - me. Yes, I'm that self-absorbed. Hehehe...
No, seriously. It was kinda cool to find myself in Cagayan, hailing taxicabs, haggling with the cab drivers, shopping, shopping and doing more shopping, eating at places I would usually be too kuripot to eat in, taking my time fitting clothes I wanted to buy because no one was there to hurry me up anyway, finding a motel to sleep the night in, laughing my heart out inside the room when I saw the condition of the motel room (Trust me, it sucked a whole lot more than Country Living. Only bigger... Not that I've been inside Country Living. Kwento lang nila sa akin. Wahahahaha...).
One thing I learned in Cagayan though was to never ever trust cabdrivers. One, if you give them a P100 bill for your P77 fare, they will shower you wth compliments, sweetly say thank you and do not give you your change anymore. I was duped three times by that scheme. Two, if you were already in town and you ask them which one is the nearest for them: Limketkai or SM, they will instead tell you that "Mas maganda sa SM". Which of course, you ask him to bring you there. Only to find out that Limketkai was already somewhere in the downtown area, that you were actually closer to Limketkai and you could have saved yourself the P89 cabfare you spent when he brought you to SM, which was a mountain's trip away from the downtown area. Three, because of my pagiging kuripot, I was stupid enough to listen to a cabdriver's suggestion rather than to a highschool classmate's recommendation. Thus, I ended up in William's Inn, a rundown motel that stood infront of a hubu-hubu. Yes, a hubu-hubu. I even took a picture of the sign that stood right infront of my room.
Sure, I only paid P350 for 5 hours of stay in a really cheap airconditioned room but considering that I came in at 2 AM, tapos walang cable yung TV, what's the point of having a TV in there? Yung airconditioner, parang de-barko sa ingay. May sala set nga doon pero I can just imagine the pokpoks coming from the hubu-hubu across the street doing their naked gymnastics in that thing that I was too afraid of sitting in the couch for fear that I might catch something. May hot water nga, and the bed had new sheets naman pero still. If I stood in the middle of the room, i can just imagine the DOMs, pokpoks, adventurous highschool teenagers and weirdoes doing an orgy in every nook and cranny of that room. That room reeked of sex. Not the passionate make love kind of sex but the illicit, oh-yes, damn you, who's your daddy, moaning and grunting, paid for, red light zone kind of sex. I wanted to change to another motel, a cleaner one, hopefully, but considering that it was alreaady 2 AM and I was not in the mood to haggle with the receptionist in Bisaya, a language I was still unable to master, over refunding my P350, I just took a deep breath and stuck with it.
But over all, I had fun in Cagayan. Medyo malungkot lang ang walang magtake ng picture mo but that's what timers are for anyway, di ba? Hehehe... All in all, I felt so independent. Like I could pretend I was in a different country and this was how it was going to be, how I was going to handle myself if I started living alone, on my own.
It was great. I felt giddy and heady at the same time. Feeling ko, para akong lumayas. Lumayas sa mga problema ng buhay, family, school, love, health.
I wasn't a doctor. I wasn't anybody's daughter. I wasn't anybody's doormat.
I was just one of the many beautiful faces gracing the streets of Cagayan - a tourist, soon to be forgotten, before I will even be remembered.
Here's a few pics from our trip:
Graduation Speech: Response of the Class 2007
Due to insistent demand (Nyahahaha... three of my classmates lang pala. Hehehe...) here's my original graduation speech for the Commencement Exercises for Ateneo de Zamboanga University School of Medicine Batch 2007.
Once again, congrats classmates!!! Doctor na tayo!!!
Our distinguished president of the Ateneo de Zamboanga University, Fr. William Kreutz, our highly-esteemed Dean of the School of Medicine, Dr. Fortunato Cristobal, the Assistant Dean of the School of Medicine, Dr. Abelardo Macrohon, faculty and staff of the ADZU-SOM, doctors, classmates, schoolmates, relatives and friends, good evening.
Four years ago, my classmates and I entered the medical school with nothing but our optimism and a good head on our shoulders. Some of us viewed medical school as the fulfillment of lifelong ambitions, some as nothing but the necessary next step to a successful career. Some were lured by the prestige and the high-paying job. Some had ulterior motives. Some were genuinely idealistic enough to be a savior of life while others were simply trying to desperately avoid Nursing or becoming Biology teachers their whole life. Despite the varied reasons as to why we took up medicine, together we grew and today we leave our beloved school no longer the children that we used to be but adults, stronger, wiser and ready to face the next step.
Today signifies the culmination of the many hardships and sacrifices that we had gone through for the past four-five years just to make it here - to be able to stand before you all and receive our diplomas, the true and valid proof of the sweat, tears and blood that we have shed to be called Doctors of Medicine.
To say that being in medical school is not an easy task would be an understatement. Not a week passed that we would ask ourselves “What am I doing here? Why in God’s name did I still take up Medicine? Why didn’t I just join a call center instead? Or take up nursing? Or go abroad?” We cocooned ourselves in the library and drowned ourselves in the Harrison’s, Robbins’ Schwartz and Williams just to read up for the next examination. We tried our best to hide ourselves from the sight of the PBL facilitator when we realized that what we had read the previous day was not even half of what our other classmates had read. Sleep, in medical school, is considered not a necessity but a privilege. Many nights were spent losing sleep over 36-hour duties, late night reading sessions, overnights to beat CHP deadlines. Because some cannot tolerate the lack of sleep, study groups occassionaly ended up being “sleeping” groups. Our boys can, of course, attest to this.
Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey’s “There can be Miracles…” can be commonly heard sang by some of the classmates after every written examination, signifying the fact that only a miracle will make us pass that particular exam. Our bodies are engulfed with paranoia during checking of papers when we realize that we had gotten almost every item in every page of the exam sheet wrong. When the results are posted, the MPL has become the enemy. The topnotcher, its accomplice.
The community immersion was no simple joyride as well. We were like fish out of the water during our first few weeks in Liloy as a couple of full-bred city boys/girls were thrown together to live in a rural area, away from our pampered lives and overly-protective parents. Eventually, we learned to love and appreciate the community and the simplicity of their living conditions. We will never forget the habal-habal rides we had to take to traverse to get to our barangay, how some of us had to take a bath using half a pail of water because of the unpredictable water scarcity, the awkward quarrels between groupmates with conflicting personalities and the constant struggle to master the native dialect. Most of all, we will never forget the people, who took us in, showered us with an abundance of camotes, coconuts, peanuts and bananas, made us a part of their community and gave us a home away from home.
And finally, clerkship - the chance to apply the theories learned in medical school and lose whatever ounce of conceit we still have. There are things learned during clerkship that are not taught in the books. Imagine having to go through night after night without sleep, retract 3- inch rolls of fat for three hours, barely awake and with barely enough energy to do so, watch someone you viciously tried to revive for an hour die in front of you in just a few a minutes, juggle three birth deliveries at the same time and accept vicious reprimands from your superiors for causes that were sometimes beyond your control. We were almost starting to believe that we were the lowest mammal in the entire hospital. Still, what we have learned during clerkship was invaluable and though a little afraid, we look forward to more of the same by May next month.
Throughout the years, we had desperately held on to the hope that we can make it in medical school while we sadly witness other classmates fail one exam after the other until eventually they just drop out and quit. The original Batch 2007 actually comprised of 27 students. Out of that batch, only 16 survived. SIXTEEN out of 27 - the true evidence that medical school is truly a survival of the fittest. As one classmate had eloquently put it, after realizing that she was one of the lucky 59% who will be graduating this year, she said, “Matalino din pala ako.”
We all know that we would not have made it this far if not for the many key people who were vital for us reaching this crossing line. We, the members of ADZU-SOM Batch of 2007, would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge these people with our deepest gratitude.
First of all, to the Ateneo de Zamboanga University School of Medicine administration, headed by Fr. William Kreutz and Dr. Fortunato Cristobal. We will always consider it a blessing that fate had led us to enroll to this school. Almost half of the class would not have been able to fulfill their life long ambition of being a doctor if not for those who founded this school. Special thanks to the people of Kellog’s, Jerome and Ferrer Foundation. We will be grateful our whole lives for the opportunity that you have given us.
Despite disparaging comments from other doctors who came from traditional schools regarding PBL, we believe that it is normal for those who are ignorant to discourage that which they do not understand. PBL encourages one to think, to have his own opinions and provides even the most timid person in the class a venue for his voice to be heard. It allows one to grow as a person and discourages spoon-feeding, a task best left for children who cannot think for their ownselves. We made it here today, not because PBL is Medical School made Easy but because PBL made us rely on our own selves, on our own capabilities, and not on the teacher or facilitator doing a lecture as in the case of traditional med schools.
We are also grateful that the school has given us the opportunity to step outside the box and be more socially aware of our surroundings. Hence, the community immersion. Our experiences in the community opened our eyes and made us realize that man is truly designed to live with and for other people. The school’s innovative medical curriculum of bringing quality health care to the underserved regions of Region IX is truly an inspired idea which we hope will continually be abided by the next batches of doctors that the school will produce.
We also thank the Research Panel, Dr. Arciaga, Dr. Florendo, Dr. Santamaria, Doc Sam, Doc Ric, Doc Bernie, Doc Kelly and Doc Muks, for their expertise and overflowing patience in assisting us in the enrichment of our research papers, for the suggestions and inputs for the improvements of our works, for putting up with our occasional laziness and narrow-mindedness and for giving us the encouragement we sorely needed.. It is said that ten years from now, we will look at our own papers and laugh at the mediocrity of our works. Nonetheless, we are already proud that we have been able to do an entire research paper of our own, despite the Irritable Bowel Syndrome few hours before presentation, the hands trembling as we flash our acetates and our shaky barely audible voices during defense. We thank you for your invaluable help and for making us feel proud of what we have accomplished.
To the faculty and staff of the ADZU-SOM, especially to our level and community coordinators for the past four years, Thank you so much for taking the time to fit us in your extremely busy schedules.Special mention to Doc Maita and Doc Jaybee, who have been extremely generous and patient to our many misgivings.
To the people who have made our community immersion an unforgettable and valuable experience, to Dra. Nadela, Dra. Fronda, Dra. Digamon, the midwives of Barangay Sto. Nino, Silucap and Compra, Ma’am Alma, Ma’am Susan, Ma’am Cha and the residents of Barangays Silucap, Compra and Sto. Nino, thank you for the kindness and the hospitality that you have shown us. We will never ever forget you.
To our friends and relatives, who had kept us sane when we were halfway to tearing our hair out with frustration, who were sick and tired of hearing us rant “Bakit ba kasi ako nag-Medicine pa?!,” who dragged us for a few minutes of de-stressing when we were close to having nervous breakdowns, who gave us the necessary kick in the behind when we weren’t performing to our potential, thank you.
To the ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends who broke our hearts and whose hearts we broke, thank you for being an inspiration for at least some time in our life.
To the current loves of lives, thank you for simply being there.
Most especially, we would like to dedicate this occasion to our parents, who loved us no matter what. They who silently supported us all throughout medical school, they who shelled out their hard-earned money, loaned from their friends, sacrificed many of their own wants and desires just to make sure that their son or daughter succeed in his or her chosen endeavor.
To our Mamas and Papas, this diploma is for the fights we constantly have, the worries we incessantly give you, the doubts you always have in your mind, the fears that we were unable to dissuade, for the times we should have but never said “I love you.” Thank you for the unconditional love. We owe everything that we are today to you.
Finally, though my classmates can attest to the fact that I am not the most spiritual person in class, I know that we wouldn’t have made it here today if not for HIM. He who was looking behind our shoulders as we struggled to choose the correct answer among the choices in the written exam, He who made sure we never fell into any serious harm in the community, he who guided us as we made the appropriate medical decisions and helped us beat our research deadlines. To the Almighty God, thank you for holding our hand everytime we stumbled and making sure that we never gave up during those times of trouble. Thank you Lord, for everything.
Classmates, we finally made it. Take this moment to congratulate yourself and the person beside you for a job well done. As Dr. Mario Arciaga once told us, you may not see yourself as a particularly good medical student but once you stand on the stage and receive your diploma, you will feel as if you are one of the best doctors that the school has produced. Bask in the glory, take pride in what you have accomplished and don’t forget to look back and be grateful to those who helped you get here.
Once again, doctors, congratulations.
Once again, congrats classmates!!! Doctor na tayo!!!
Our distinguished president of the Ateneo de Zamboanga University, Fr. William Kreutz, our highly-esteemed Dean of the School of Medicine, Dr. Fortunato Cristobal, the Assistant Dean of the School of Medicine, Dr. Abelardo Macrohon, faculty and staff of the ADZU-SOM, doctors, classmates, schoolmates, relatives and friends, good evening.
Four years ago, my classmates and I entered the medical school with nothing but our optimism and a good head on our shoulders. Some of us viewed medical school as the fulfillment of lifelong ambitions, some as nothing but the necessary next step to a successful career. Some were lured by the prestige and the high-paying job. Some had ulterior motives. Some were genuinely idealistic enough to be a savior of life while others were simply trying to desperately avoid Nursing or becoming Biology teachers their whole life. Despite the varied reasons as to why we took up medicine, together we grew and today we leave our beloved school no longer the children that we used to be but adults, stronger, wiser and ready to face the next step.
Today signifies the culmination of the many hardships and sacrifices that we had gone through for the past four-five years just to make it here - to be able to stand before you all and receive our diplomas, the true and valid proof of the sweat, tears and blood that we have shed to be called Doctors of Medicine.
To say that being in medical school is not an easy task would be an understatement. Not a week passed that we would ask ourselves “What am I doing here? Why in God’s name did I still take up Medicine? Why didn’t I just join a call center instead? Or take up nursing? Or go abroad?” We cocooned ourselves in the library and drowned ourselves in the Harrison’s, Robbins’ Schwartz and Williams just to read up for the next examination. We tried our best to hide ourselves from the sight of the PBL facilitator when we realized that what we had read the previous day was not even half of what our other classmates had read. Sleep, in medical school, is considered not a necessity but a privilege. Many nights were spent losing sleep over 36-hour duties, late night reading sessions, overnights to beat CHP deadlines. Because some cannot tolerate the lack of sleep, study groups occassionaly ended up being “sleeping” groups. Our boys can, of course, attest to this.
Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey’s “There can be Miracles…” can be commonly heard sang by some of the classmates after every written examination, signifying the fact that only a miracle will make us pass that particular exam. Our bodies are engulfed with paranoia during checking of papers when we realize that we had gotten almost every item in every page of the exam sheet wrong. When the results are posted, the MPL has become the enemy. The topnotcher, its accomplice.
The community immersion was no simple joyride as well. We were like fish out of the water during our first few weeks in Liloy as a couple of full-bred city boys/girls were thrown together to live in a rural area, away from our pampered lives and overly-protective parents. Eventually, we learned to love and appreciate the community and the simplicity of their living conditions. We will never forget the habal-habal rides we had to take to traverse to get to our barangay, how some of us had to take a bath using half a pail of water because of the unpredictable water scarcity, the awkward quarrels between groupmates with conflicting personalities and the constant struggle to master the native dialect. Most of all, we will never forget the people, who took us in, showered us with an abundance of camotes, coconuts, peanuts and bananas, made us a part of their community and gave us a home away from home.
And finally, clerkship - the chance to apply the theories learned in medical school and lose whatever ounce of conceit we still have. There are things learned during clerkship that are not taught in the books. Imagine having to go through night after night without sleep, retract 3- inch rolls of fat for three hours, barely awake and with barely enough energy to do so, watch someone you viciously tried to revive for an hour die in front of you in just a few a minutes, juggle three birth deliveries at the same time and accept vicious reprimands from your superiors for causes that were sometimes beyond your control. We were almost starting to believe that we were the lowest mammal in the entire hospital. Still, what we have learned during clerkship was invaluable and though a little afraid, we look forward to more of the same by May next month.
Throughout the years, we had desperately held on to the hope that we can make it in medical school while we sadly witness other classmates fail one exam after the other until eventually they just drop out and quit. The original Batch 2007 actually comprised of 27 students. Out of that batch, only 16 survived. SIXTEEN out of 27 - the true evidence that medical school is truly a survival of the fittest. As one classmate had eloquently put it, after realizing that she was one of the lucky 59% who will be graduating this year, she said, “Matalino din pala ako.”
We all know that we would not have made it this far if not for the many key people who were vital for us reaching this crossing line. We, the members of ADZU-SOM Batch of 2007, would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge these people with our deepest gratitude.
First of all, to the Ateneo de Zamboanga University School of Medicine administration, headed by Fr. William Kreutz and Dr. Fortunato Cristobal. We will always consider it a blessing that fate had led us to enroll to this school. Almost half of the class would not have been able to fulfill their life long ambition of being a doctor if not for those who founded this school. Special thanks to the people of Kellog’s, Jerome and Ferrer Foundation. We will be grateful our whole lives for the opportunity that you have given us.
Despite disparaging comments from other doctors who came from traditional schools regarding PBL, we believe that it is normal for those who are ignorant to discourage that which they do not understand. PBL encourages one to think, to have his own opinions and provides even the most timid person in the class a venue for his voice to be heard. It allows one to grow as a person and discourages spoon-feeding, a task best left for children who cannot think for their ownselves. We made it here today, not because PBL is Medical School made Easy but because PBL made us rely on our own selves, on our own capabilities, and not on the teacher or facilitator doing a lecture as in the case of traditional med schools.
We are also grateful that the school has given us the opportunity to step outside the box and be more socially aware of our surroundings. Hence, the community immersion. Our experiences in the community opened our eyes and made us realize that man is truly designed to live with and for other people. The school’s innovative medical curriculum of bringing quality health care to the underserved regions of Region IX is truly an inspired idea which we hope will continually be abided by the next batches of doctors that the school will produce.
We also thank the Research Panel, Dr. Arciaga, Dr. Florendo, Dr. Santamaria, Doc Sam, Doc Ric, Doc Bernie, Doc Kelly and Doc Muks, for their expertise and overflowing patience in assisting us in the enrichment of our research papers, for the suggestions and inputs for the improvements of our works, for putting up with our occasional laziness and narrow-mindedness and for giving us the encouragement we sorely needed.. It is said that ten years from now, we will look at our own papers and laugh at the mediocrity of our works. Nonetheless, we are already proud that we have been able to do an entire research paper of our own, despite the Irritable Bowel Syndrome few hours before presentation, the hands trembling as we flash our acetates and our shaky barely audible voices during defense. We thank you for your invaluable help and for making us feel proud of what we have accomplished.
To the faculty and staff of the ADZU-SOM, especially to our level and community coordinators for the past four years, Thank you so much for taking the time to fit us in your extremely busy schedules.Special mention to Doc Maita and Doc Jaybee, who have been extremely generous and patient to our many misgivings.
To the people who have made our community immersion an unforgettable and valuable experience, to Dra. Nadela, Dra. Fronda, Dra. Digamon, the midwives of Barangay Sto. Nino, Silucap and Compra, Ma’am Alma, Ma’am Susan, Ma’am Cha and the residents of Barangays Silucap, Compra and Sto. Nino, thank you for the kindness and the hospitality that you have shown us. We will never ever forget you.
To our friends and relatives, who had kept us sane when we were halfway to tearing our hair out with frustration, who were sick and tired of hearing us rant “Bakit ba kasi ako nag-Medicine pa?!,” who dragged us for a few minutes of de-stressing when we were close to having nervous breakdowns, who gave us the necessary kick in the behind when we weren’t performing to our potential, thank you.
To the ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends who broke our hearts and whose hearts we broke, thank you for being an inspiration for at least some time in our life.
To the current loves of lives, thank you for simply being there.
Most especially, we would like to dedicate this occasion to our parents, who loved us no matter what. They who silently supported us all throughout medical school, they who shelled out their hard-earned money, loaned from their friends, sacrificed many of their own wants and desires just to make sure that their son or daughter succeed in his or her chosen endeavor.
To our Mamas and Papas, this diploma is for the fights we constantly have, the worries we incessantly give you, the doubts you always have in your mind, the fears that we were unable to dissuade, for the times we should have but never said “I love you.” Thank you for the unconditional love. We owe everything that we are today to you.
Finally, though my classmates can attest to the fact that I am not the most spiritual person in class, I know that we wouldn’t have made it here today if not for HIM. He who was looking behind our shoulders as we struggled to choose the correct answer among the choices in the written exam, He who made sure we never fell into any serious harm in the community, he who guided us as we made the appropriate medical decisions and helped us beat our research deadlines. To the Almighty God, thank you for holding our hand everytime we stumbled and making sure that we never gave up during those times of trouble. Thank you Lord, for everything.
Classmates, we finally made it. Take this moment to congratulate yourself and the person beside you for a job well done. As Dr. Mario Arciaga once told us, you may not see yourself as a particularly good medical student but once you stand on the stage and receive your diploma, you will feel as if you are one of the best doctors that the school has produced. Bask in the glory, take pride in what you have accomplished and don’t forget to look back and be grateful to those who helped you get here.
Once again, doctors, congratulations.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Kicking and Screaming
Phase 1: The Introduction
Yes, I honestly wanted to waste my night fooling around with the Internet. I was From Duty and I intended to spend it lazily, at home, in my most comfortable shorts and T-shirt. But then, a classmate's text started it all:
"Pauwi na kami. May ipapakilala daw sa inyo dalawa ni Allen si Cocoy. Hehehe…"
I wanted to hide.
I've been set up by friends so many times I was probably a master in blind dates. And it always ends the same. We remain nothing but acquaintances. Occasionally, I bump into one during gimik nights and I choose to pretend I didn't see him or I hide, afraid to find out if he even remembered me. Oo na, sabihin na nating medyo mababa ang self-esteem ko. Hehehe… And one just disappeared out of the face of my inbox without any warning only to see his Friendster default pic a month later with him and his new girlfriend posing infront of his cellphone cam.
"Alam mo, kung friends talaga tayo, you could have at least updated me. I wouldn't be mad at you… Yes, you!... You know who you are!"
So, the guys arrived and I finally met the one my classmates were setting me up with, David Beckham.* I reluctantly entertained the guy for my classmates' sake. (Oh, guys… baka sabihin niyo, wala akong pakisama. Ginagawa ko lang 'to para hindi kayo mapahiya.) In all fairness, it surprised me that he wasn't actually as bad as I expected. I guess it turns out that guys are actually better at matchmaking than most girls. Hahaha… David wasn't shy but he wasn't very talkative either, which was a good thing because I get bored with shy guys and I could not tolerate guys who are too talkative. I don't like it when you have uncomfortable gaps of silence and I absolutely hate the skipping rope conversations: Yung nag-aantay ka lang mag-catch siya ng breath para naman makapasok ka rin ng ilang lines sa conversation… And physically, okay… he was cute. I admit. Tao lang po. Hehehe…
Phase 2: Getting To Know You
Despite my adamant protests of not wanting to get out of the house, my classmates were still able to drag me out of it, into the guy's Ford vehicle, and into the house of his cousin (whom have I mentioned, could pass up as Dr. Miranda's younger and more good-looking brother, complete with the mannerisms, stance and hand gestures) for dinner. The ever attentive host continued to regal me with tales about his hometown, his college days, even his highschool days before dinner and during the post-dinner inuman. My ever-familiar friend-slash-foe, Emperador Brandy, was the choice drink of the night and remembering how much I had gotten acquainted with our toilet bowl because of this traitorous friend, I knew I was gonna have to pass up the tagayan.
But not after downing at least one glass.
I kind of have a love-hate relationship with Emperador Brandy. So, sue me.
Phase 3: An Affair to Remember
People always said that when you talk to a drunk guy, he will always tell you the truth. I honestly have no idea if he was. Sometimes, the things he told me would surely bend any girl's ear and I had to keep myself from asking him, "Are you for real?"
So, he liked talking to me, So much so that we spent the night talking animatedly to each other. Not that I was boasting but I knew I can carry good conversations. I knew I wasn't exceptionally pretty, and not that sexy either, so I always try to make up for what I lack physically by making a guy comfortable enough when talking to me. And when the guy knows how to carry a good conversation himself, it makes for a very interesting thing called chemistry.
I think the plan backfired.
Somewhere along the road, he had gotten too sodden enough that we were conversing as if we haven't just met a few hours ago but more like months or years in fact. This newly found closeness that he had conjured up in his mind was evident with the way he maneuvered the conversation to medical anecdotes, his past girlfriends, his feelings towards me, his haircut, his highschool teachers and even to sleeping together. I was pleased, flattered, embarrassed, uncomfortable and freaked out at the same time. It amused me to no end that he seemed to be the male version of myself two years ago. Only drunk. It would have been a good thing except for the fact that he was totally intoxicated. Incapacitated. Deep in the throes of alcohol. He found me so comfortable enough that by the end of the night, he was talking to me with his face six inches within my own face… Yes, I carry a ruler with me all the time... When we sat down side by side, my upper arm was practically in his chest and the side of my breast was close to brushing his upper arm. I never minded really but I wasn't too comfortable either. Contrary to what most people will think, I'm not that liberated. But it made the situation more amusing when he started holding my hands, na parang matagal na kaming magsyota.
"Hawak-kamay… Di kita iiwan sa paglakbay… "
Arghhh…
Add to that the fact that we were doing it infront of the my landlord's children, my housemates and the class' two worst jokesters of all time, who will never make me live this down for as long as they knew me, this night has certainly ended out to be one of the most embarrassing adventures I've ever had in Liloy.
And I wasn't even drunk.
Phase 4: The End
Suffice it to say, everything will end just as I expected it. The guy is currently scheduled to go on travel for the next few weeks and there is no likely possibility that we will probably see each other again. At least, not anytime while I'm in Liloy.
Hahaha… And I've almost forgotten how it was to date younger guys.
Oh, well. Out of sight, out of my mind.
For Allen
Compre 3 Exams, Hinanakit sa PBL Facilitators, Christmas Shopping and Getting Drunk
January 4, 2007
8:00 A.M Woke up. Feigned tears infront of my Mom for allowance. Got money. Congratulated self for good acting job done after Mom has left.
8:30 AM Flooded my classmates' inbox with a barrage of messages.
9:00 AM Weighed self. Proceeded to cry self to sleep because of the additional pounds gained by the holidays.
10:00 AM Woke up again. Had coffee for breakfast.
11:30 Had one quick round with my boyfriend Philip in the CR, as in, Philip Morris. Took a bath afterwards to disguise the smell of cigarette smoke.
12:30 Lunch. Debated on the amount of rice to consume... What the heck, sarap magrice, no?
1:00 PM Barrraged classmates' inbox with messages again while I dried my hair.
2:00 PM Arrived school. Greeted everybody Happy New Year. Asked Joseph why siya di nakacivilian. Apparently di niya nareceive message nila Sitti. Laughed. Hehehe... Sorry, Seph....
8:00 A.M Woke up. Feigned tears infront of my Mom for allowance. Got money. Congratulated self for good acting job done after Mom has left.
8:30 AM Flooded my classmates' inbox with a barrage of messages.
9:00 AM Weighed self. Proceeded to cry self to sleep because of the additional pounds gained by the holidays.
10:00 AM Woke up again. Had coffee for breakfast.
11:30 Had one quick round with my boyfriend Philip in the CR, as in, Philip Morris. Took a bath afterwards to disguise the smell of cigarette smoke.
12:30 Lunch. Debated on the amount of rice to consume... What the heck, sarap magrice, no?
1:00 PM Barrraged classmates' inbox with messages again while I dried my hair.
2:00 PM Arrived school. Greeted everybody Happy New Year. Asked Joseph why siya di nakacivilian. Apparently di niya nareceive message nila Sitti. Laughed. Hehehe... Sorry, Seph....
2:30 PM Frazzled, trying to compute for my Compre 3 grade. Tearing my hair doing basic Math.
2:35 PM Gave up with computations and proceeded to pray the rosary instead. Bahala na si Lord sa grade ko.
2:45 PM Nyahahaha... I passed! No final exams for me!
3:00 PM Focus Group Discussion with Doc Bernie Chua and a few of my classmates about PBL Facilitators. Labas na ng mga hinanakit to!... "Itago natin siya sa pangalang..."
4:00 PM Shopping for Kris Kringle gift at Novo with Ice and Allen.
5:00 PM Getting the food at Ice's house. Debating whether to put my hair up or to leave it down. As if anybody would care... Desperate for a smoke.
5:30 PM Arrived at Jay-ar's place. It's Videoke time!!!
5:45 PM Ahhh... getting lung cancer.
6:00 PM Trying to catch acute laryngitis by attempting to sing Whitney Houston's songs.
7:00 PM Dinner time!!! Raved about Ice's coleslaw.
7:30 PM Christmas Shopping time!!!
7:35 PM Getting a headache as I wasted 5 minutes trying to listen to various people explain the mechanics of Christmas Shopping.
7:40 PM Laughed my heart out as I watched Elgie's gifts kept repeatedly being taken from him.
7:45 PM Allen: "Mang-agaw naman kayo, masaya mang-agaw."
7:46 PM Rusenda: "Masaya pala ha? Akin na yang gift mo."
8:00 PM Stole the make-up kit from Dara. Bwahahaha...
8:15 PM Began sharing Emperador Brandy shots with Jackie. Asa pa ko, tanggera se si Jackie.
8:45 PM Elgie joined Jackie and me. Joked about doing body shots. Di sila game... Magkakahiyaan pa ba tayo, ha?
9:15 PM Halfway to getting drunk. Offered San Mig Light by Jay-ar's mom. Alangan namang tanggihan ko. Masama tumatanggi sa grasya.
10:00 PM Few shots close to drunk. The room is starting to spin. The boys are starting to look like members of the Backstreet Boys in my eyes. Jackie, Dara and Rusenda are starting to resemble members of the Pussycat Dolls. I am the great Beyonce Knowles.
10:30 PM Officially drunk. Passed over by JP to Elgie for my ride home... Lasang bo, JP. Hinde yo kombo man rape... Grabbed on to Elgie because I was so drunk, I just I might fall out of my seat.
11:00 PM Hugging the toilet bowl puking my gutts out... I love you, toilet bowl. I love you...
To study or not to study
Have to study for the 2nd Compre. But I seem to be distracted by too many things. The TV, Internet, Friendster, unlimited texting, dating, gimiks, sleep...
Mahirap ang 2nd Compre. Okay lang ang OB and Pedia, so with Infectious and Pulmo but I don't know crap about Microbio and Biochem. Hello? PT graduate ito, hindi Biology. And I hate Hema and Immuno. Gahddd... I'm going to be sooo screwed...
MUST. START. READING.
MUST. START. GETTING. SERIOUS.
MUST...
Shiyet! Who the hell am I kidding? I'm sooo gonna fail this... Sana lang wag masyadong malayo sa MPL para di masyadong nakakahiya. Hehehe...
Blind Dates and Drinking with Older Men
The other night, a friend (who wishes to remain nameless so we'll call her MS. HM, as in, HIGH-MAINTENANCE. Hehehe...) asked me to go out with her for coffee and a few drinks, with a former classmate of her and his friend, just so that she wouldn't be the only girl in the group. Despite the fact that I was about to start burning the midnight oil (Emphasis on START, because I have yet to do so) for my 2nd comprehensive exams this Friday, considering that her classmate was an ex-crush of mine in highschool, my cousin's ex-boyfriend, a former staff under my Mom's department and a pretty good converationalist and my boyfriend was busy that night and YEAH, I was bored, so, I said yes. As we waited for the guy and his friend, Ms. HM got a text message that a guy that a mutual friend has wanted to set up with her was in town and wanted to meet with her tonight. So, plans were changed and the mutual friend and the Ms. HM's blind date met us in Alejandra's. She thought he was cute, I didn't. I thought when she said malaki ang katawan, she meant bulky, as in like her ex-boyfriend. Hindi pala. Hahaha... But considering the fact that she seemed to like him, I was okay with making the sacrifices of spending the night with two complete strangers... Hayyy... the things we have to do for friendship!
We ended up in Lattitude where a couple of guys, whom I thought were the valet/security guard and the supervisor in Lattitude and turned out to be their friends (So, sorry! Kasalanan ko ba kung mukha silang trabahador!), joined us. So, here we were now, two twenty-something girls surounded by four guys in their mid to late 30's. Goodbye ex-highschool crush, hello, Daddy issues! Para kameng mga GROs na tinable ng apat na DOM! Hahaha...
It was awkward, at first, but thankfully, they were very accomodating and Ms. HM and I were skilled in good conversation. Hahaha... Strangely, there was no talk about politics or sports (two topics that generally bore me to tears) which I was kind of expecting from a group of older men. The nice thing was, when you do hang-out with a different crowd than one is used to, you do find out a lot of different things you wouldn't generally find out from your usual crowd. Here are a few of the things I and Ms. HM learned about that night.
1. "99% of guys are playboys."
They claim to believe that fact but of course, they all claim to be in the 1%... As if!You see, I have this personal theory that guys who aren't married have this one serious relationship with one girl whom no matter what happens, he will always hold on to. But that wouldn't stop him at all from checking out, meeting, dating, having sex or even having relationships, whether flings or serious, with other girls. They can't help it. It's their nature to be polygamous. Even my Dad had relationships with more than one women at the same time, before he married my MOm. A guy will always make you feel as if you are that one special girl. He will bring you flowers, chocolates, take you home, pick you up, meet your parents and do all the things you think a serious boyfriend is epected to do but I think it's just a matter of luck if you actually turn out to be that one special girl that your guy will always hold on to and not just one of his girls on the side, aka one of his chikabebe. Hehehe...
2. "In all the relationships that a girl has, there will always be only one whom you are most secure about regarding his manhood."
Of course, I couldn't really relate to this fact that much because almost all the boyfriends that I've had ended up getting their girlfriend pregnant and marrying out of wedlock. The chances of any one of them being lured to the other side is probably next to nothing. Thank God... Of course, I couldn't say the same thing applies to Ms. HM... Hahaha, just kidding!
3. They like lighting your cigarette.
Probably makes them feel like they're just like in the TV comercials. Hehehe...
4. They will keep on buying you drinks.
As soon as my glass had become half-full, they will keep pouring beer on it like it was a bottomless drink. And then order another bottle, before I had even finished my glass. My boyfriend said it was a tactic that older guys use to make a girl drunk without her knowing it. Drunk girls apparently lose all their inhibitions and what guy wouldn't want to take advantage of that?... Why they would want to get us drunk is beyond me, considering that when I'm drunk, I don't get horny. I get nauseous, emetic and develop a humongous throbbing headache... Thankfully, I was conscious about my drinking the whole time and after the fourth bottle, I stopped drinking and ordered cold water for the rest of the evening.
5. "When someone shows you that he loves you, you end up loving them back."
True. Sad but true.Which is why most flings, if you're not too careful, end up becoming serious. And that even if a guy fails all your so-called qualifications, when he does show you that he loves you, you naturally end up reciprocating back. The question now is, how would you delineate truly loving that person from just having been swept by your emotions? Kailan mo masasabing totoo mo na siyang minamahal at hindi ka napapadala lang sa pagmamahal niya sa'yo?... Naks! Ang lalim no? Pakisagot naman ito, please. Hehehe...
6. "A guy can tell you that he loves you and not mean it."
Sorry to burst your bubbles, guys, but so do girls. Hehehe...
7. I apparently looked like OLYN from Pinoy Big Brother Teen Edition.
Of course, I never watched the show so, I had to search for my so-called look-alike in the Internet. This is apparently who I resembled...
The other night, a friend (who wishes to remain nameless so we'll call her MS. HM, as in, HIGH-MAINTENANCE. Hehehe...) asked me to go out with her for coffee and a few drinks, with a former classmate of her and his friend, just so that she wouldn't be the only girl in the group. Despite the fact that I was about to start burning the midnight oil (Emphasis on START, because I have yet to do so) for my 2nd comprehensive exams this Friday, considering that her classmate was an ex-crush of mine in highschool, my cousin's ex-boyfriend, a former staff under my Mom's department and a pretty good converationalist and my boyfriend was busy that night and YEAH, I was bored, so, I said yes. As we waited for the guy and his friend, Ms. HM got a text message that a guy that a mutual friend has wanted to set up with her was in town and wanted to meet with her tonight. So, plans were changed and the mutual friend and the Ms. HM's blind date met us in Alejandra's. She thought he was cute, I didn't. I thought when she said malaki ang katawan, she meant bulky, as in like her ex-boyfriend. Hindi pala. Hahaha... But considering the fact that she seemed to like him, I was okay with making the sacrifices of spending the night with two complete strangers... Hayyy... the things we have to do for friendship!
We ended up in Lattitude where a couple of guys, whom I thought were the valet/security guard and the supervisor in Lattitude and turned out to be their friends (So, sorry! Kasalanan ko ba kung mukha silang trabahador!), joined us. So, here we were now, two twenty-something girls surounded by four guys in their mid to late 30's. Goodbye ex-highschool crush, hello, Daddy issues! Para kameng mga GROs na tinable ng apat na DOM! Hahaha...
It was awkward, at first, but thankfully, they were very accomodating and Ms. HM and I were skilled in good conversation. Hahaha... Strangely, there was no talk about politics or sports (two topics that generally bore me to tears) which I was kind of expecting from a group of older men. The nice thing was, when you do hang-out with a different crowd than one is used to, you do find out a lot of different things you wouldn't generally find out from your usual crowd. Here are a few of the things I and Ms. HM learned about that night.
1. "99% of guys are playboys."
They claim to believe that fact but of course, they all claim to be in the 1%... As if!You see, I have this personal theory that guys who aren't married have this one serious relationship with one girl whom no matter what happens, he will always hold on to. But that wouldn't stop him at all from checking out, meeting, dating, having sex or even having relationships, whether flings or serious, with other girls. They can't help it. It's their nature to be polygamous. Even my Dad had relationships with more than one women at the same time, before he married my MOm. A guy will always make you feel as if you are that one special girl. He will bring you flowers, chocolates, take you home, pick you up, meet your parents and do all the things you think a serious boyfriend is epected to do but I think it's just a matter of luck if you actually turn out to be that one special girl that your guy will always hold on to and not just one of his girls on the side, aka one of his chikabebe. Hehehe...
2. "In all the relationships that a girl has, there will always be only one whom you are most secure about regarding his manhood."
Of course, I couldn't really relate to this fact that much because almost all the boyfriends that I've had ended up getting their girlfriend pregnant and marrying out of wedlock. The chances of any one of them being lured to the other side is probably next to nothing. Thank God... Of course, I couldn't say the same thing applies to Ms. HM... Hahaha, just kidding!
3. They like lighting your cigarette.
Probably makes them feel like they're just like in the TV comercials. Hehehe...
4. They will keep on buying you drinks.
As soon as my glass had become half-full, they will keep pouring beer on it like it was a bottomless drink. And then order another bottle, before I had even finished my glass. My boyfriend said it was a tactic that older guys use to make a girl drunk without her knowing it. Drunk girls apparently lose all their inhibitions and what guy wouldn't want to take advantage of that?... Why they would want to get us drunk is beyond me, considering that when I'm drunk, I don't get horny. I get nauseous, emetic and develop a humongous throbbing headache... Thankfully, I was conscious about my drinking the whole time and after the fourth bottle, I stopped drinking and ordered cold water for the rest of the evening.
5. "When someone shows you that he loves you, you end up loving them back."
True. Sad but true.Which is why most flings, if you're not too careful, end up becoming serious. And that even if a guy fails all your so-called qualifications, when he does show you that he loves you, you naturally end up reciprocating back. The question now is, how would you delineate truly loving that person from just having been swept by your emotions? Kailan mo masasabing totoo mo na siyang minamahal at hindi ka napapadala lang sa pagmamahal niya sa'yo?... Naks! Ang lalim no? Pakisagot naman ito, please. Hehehe...
6. "A guy can tell you that he loves you and not mean it."
Sorry to burst your bubbles, guys, but so do girls. Hehehe...
7. I apparently looked like OLYN from Pinoy Big Brother Teen Edition.
Of course, I never watched the show so, I had to search for my so-called look-alike in the Internet. This is apparently who I resembled...
Hmmm... pweeedeee na rin. Hehehe. Thanks, guys!... Isn't she Pedro Penduko's love interest?
8. Q: "When will you know if a guy is ready to be serious with you?"
A: "Usually, but not always, it is when his first born child comes."
Apparently, guys usually aren't ready for marriage, even when they're already in their 30's, even when they've asked that special girl to marry them, even when they're standing in the altar waiting for their bride. Guys finally feel the urge to get serious with their wife when they hold that first-born child in their arms for the first time and that's when they finally realize that yes, they are now a father and they should now start taking the role of being a husband seriously... Of course, we all know that this is not applicable to some stubborn flirtatious guys who can never stay away from the lure of the opposite sex, despite the bonds of marriage, kids and family. So, boys, behave...
9. Guys have no sense of time!
For two married guys with kids, one soon to be married in a week and one with a flight the next day, none of these guys even realized that we've been together until the wee hours in the morning. While I barraged Ms. HM with text messages about the need to go home so that the guys wouldn't notice (which of course, she didn't mind because she was too busy making googoo eyes with her blind date, hehehe...), the guys continually joked, drank and laughed like there was no tomorrow. So, we ended up going home at, get this, FIVE O' CLOCK IN THE MORNING! My parents were already awake and about to have breakfast when I got home. NO question about it, sinabon ako ni Ma'am Zeny and Sir Chito pag-uwi ko... Ms. HM, you owe me big time for that night! I swear, wala yung 30 minutes na pagsakay niyo sa Deathtrap compared to this!
10. Q: "How will you know if a guy really loves you?"
A: "You'll never know."
And that's the sad truth...
The Blog that I Will Probably Regret Posting
Honestly, I'm tired of the dating scene. I see my gradeschool friends getting married, my highshool friends in fulfilling relationships, my college friends with their Friendster accounts filled with snapshots, sonnets and testimonials about their special somone, classmates and couples who treat each other like their bestfriend. And I get envious... How come napakaelusive ng ganong klaseng relasyon sa akin? When I'm with someone, I always feel as if there's something missing. And when I thought I've finally found it, I realize eventually that it wasn't going to stay that long.
My current lovelife is a series of getting-to-know-yous. You meet someone, pag di kayo magclick, you meet another one. Pag di na naman kayo magclick, you move on to the next. When you finally meet someone you can get along with, you end up doing the same things. Lunch, dinner, movies, meeting the parents, making out, hehehe.... Pare-parehas lang, nag-iba lang ang company.
Nakakasawa na. Napapagod na ako.
And it doesn't help that my parents still don't trust me enough to have another boyfriend. How am I supposed to fix my life and settle down with one serious guy if I can't bring one home and introduce him as my boyfriend? Apparently, until I graduate, pass the boards and get a job, any boy I will be bringing home will be delegated to the "He's just a friend" category... Hello? I'm 25 years old, I've had four boyfriends, five, if you count the most recent. Kailan ko ba binalewala ang school work for anyone of them? Never ko naman ginago ang buhay ko despite my kahibangan with a boyfriend. Di ba enough that I was able to graduate Physical Therapy on time? (Actually, not on time because of Chemistry 14 but it doesn't count kasi I was boyfiendless at that time. Hehehe...)Di ba nila naapreciate the fact that despite having a boyfriend, I have never failed anyone of my exams in medical school? Yet? (Hehehe... wag naman...) Di ba nila narealize that maganda ang upbringing nila sa akin and that they can trust me because, despite having boyfriends, I never got pregnant or got married while still in school?
Gusto ko nang malagay sa tahimik ang buhay ko.
I want to have best of both worlds. Love plus lust equals contentment. It's not that I want to get married already. Marriage is a possibility but contented na ako with knowing that I am with the guy who will spend the rest of his life with me and we'll both be happy and have no regrets about it in the end.
Yes, I want to get settled down already. But I want to do it with the right guy. I don't want to have any regrets in the end. Studies show that most doctors, because they are already very much fulfilled in the other aspects of their life, have an unfulfilled lovelife and end up either not married, or married but sexless, cheating, having affairs, lying, living in denial or staying together for the children. Only 10% actually live happily ever afer.
I'm still hoping to be one of the 10%.
Honestly, I'm tired of the dating scene. I see my gradeschool friends getting married, my highshool friends in fulfilling relationships, my college friends with their Friendster accounts filled with snapshots, sonnets and testimonials about their special somone, classmates and couples who treat each other like their bestfriend. And I get envious... How come napakaelusive ng ganong klaseng relasyon sa akin? When I'm with someone, I always feel as if there's something missing. And when I thought I've finally found it, I realize eventually that it wasn't going to stay that long.
My current lovelife is a series of getting-to-know-yous. You meet someone, pag di kayo magclick, you meet another one. Pag di na naman kayo magclick, you move on to the next. When you finally meet someone you can get along with, you end up doing the same things. Lunch, dinner, movies, meeting the parents, making out, hehehe.... Pare-parehas lang, nag-iba lang ang company.
Nakakasawa na. Napapagod na ako.
And it doesn't help that my parents still don't trust me enough to have another boyfriend. How am I supposed to fix my life and settle down with one serious guy if I can't bring one home and introduce him as my boyfriend? Apparently, until I graduate, pass the boards and get a job, any boy I will be bringing home will be delegated to the "He's just a friend" category... Hello? I'm 25 years old, I've had four boyfriends, five, if you count the most recent. Kailan ko ba binalewala ang school work for anyone of them? Never ko naman ginago ang buhay ko despite my kahibangan with a boyfriend. Di ba enough that I was able to graduate Physical Therapy on time? (Actually, not on time because of Chemistry 14 but it doesn't count kasi I was boyfiendless at that time. Hehehe...)Di ba nila naapreciate the fact that despite having a boyfriend, I have never failed anyone of my exams in medical school? Yet? (Hehehe... wag naman...) Di ba nila narealize that maganda ang upbringing nila sa akin and that they can trust me because, despite having boyfriends, I never got pregnant or got married while still in school?
Gusto ko nang malagay sa tahimik ang buhay ko.
I want to have best of both worlds. Love plus lust equals contentment. It's not that I want to get married already. Marriage is a possibility but contented na ako with knowing that I am with the guy who will spend the rest of his life with me and we'll both be happy and have no regrets about it in the end.
Yes, I want to get settled down already. But I want to do it with the right guy. I don't want to have any regrets in the end. Studies show that most doctors, because they are already very much fulfilled in the other aspects of their life, have an unfulfilled lovelife and end up either not married, or married but sexless, cheating, having affairs, lying, living in denial or staying together for the children. Only 10% actually live happily ever afer.
I'm still hoping to be one of the 10%.
I am, therefore, I date
Bumped into NotMacho, the inspiration behind "Chronicles of a First Blind Date," at a gimik last night. It takes two of my closest girlfriends for me to realize that he wasn't really all that. In fairness, pumayat siya kasi. And he looked stress-out.
Arghhh!! Who am I kidding? He does have an effem air around him. Must be why we didn't click in the first place. Hehehe...
Speaking of blind date, I finally met one of my textmates that a classmate has been trying to set me up with last week in Ipil. He's nice. There was a little bit of language barrier considering that he speaks Bisaya and I can barely speak in in Bisaya. So, we end up sign-languaging. Hehehe, joke... Actually, he spoke in Bisaya while I spoke in Tagalog, in the hopes that we can both understand each other. Its a litle bit difficult pala to be your true self with someone who doesn't speak the same language as you do. You find yourself unable to crack jokes and make biro, which is basically what I usually do. Yes, I don't take life too seriously. So sue me. Hehehe... But he's nice and gentleman naman. Too bad, Smart siya and not Globe. Hahaha...
I finally got to hear the voice of another textmate of mine. Ang lamig ng boses... I wasn't expecting that. Although I've seen his picture, thanks to Friendster, I never expected a voice like that to come out from him. It made staying up late to wait for him to get home from a gimik and charge his cellphone worth it. Advice ko lang sa'yo, get a new girlfriend! You remind me too much of my post-boyfriend from hell days. She's not worth it, for god's sake! And advance happy birthday, by the way!
So, I finally told a good friend about Lasa. Thank you, Du, at hindi mo ako sinabon ng sermon about him. And you can relate as to why I couldn't resist him. Hahaha... Apparently, he's in the process of pagpapakatino. I don't know nga lang until when niya kayang magpakatino. And yes, I honestly don't know why I'm seeing him and why he's seeing me. I don't know what the hell he sees in me. I don't know if he's actually taking me seriously. I don't even know if I should take him seriously (Although, I want to. Hehehe...). I don't know even how we lasted this long.
Maybe we're both just a little bit lonely.
And a litle bit crazy.
Leche talaga mga lalake, oo. Kailan ba ako seseryosohin ng mga ito? Hahaha...
Arghhh!! Who am I kidding? He does have an effem air around him. Must be why we didn't click in the first place. Hehehe...
Speaking of blind date, I finally met one of my textmates that a classmate has been trying to set me up with last week in Ipil. He's nice. There was a little bit of language barrier considering that he speaks Bisaya and I can barely speak in in Bisaya. So, we end up sign-languaging. Hehehe, joke... Actually, he spoke in Bisaya while I spoke in Tagalog, in the hopes that we can both understand each other. Its a litle bit difficult pala to be your true self with someone who doesn't speak the same language as you do. You find yourself unable to crack jokes and make biro, which is basically what I usually do. Yes, I don't take life too seriously. So sue me. Hehehe... But he's nice and gentleman naman. Too bad, Smart siya and not Globe. Hahaha...
I finally got to hear the voice of another textmate of mine. Ang lamig ng boses... I wasn't expecting that. Although I've seen his picture, thanks to Friendster, I never expected a voice like that to come out from him. It made staying up late to wait for him to get home from a gimik and charge his cellphone worth it. Advice ko lang sa'yo, get a new girlfriend! You remind me too much of my post-boyfriend from hell days. She's not worth it, for god's sake! And advance happy birthday, by the way!
So, I finally told a good friend about Lasa. Thank you, Du, at hindi mo ako sinabon ng sermon about him. And you can relate as to why I couldn't resist him. Hahaha... Apparently, he's in the process of pagpapakatino. I don't know nga lang until when niya kayang magpakatino. And yes, I honestly don't know why I'm seeing him and why he's seeing me. I don't know what the hell he sees in me. I don't know if he's actually taking me seriously. I don't even know if I should take him seriously (Although, I want to. Hehehe...). I don't know even how we lasted this long.
Maybe we're both just a little bit lonely.
And a litle bit crazy.
Leche talaga mga lalake, oo. Kailan ba ako seseryosohin ng mga ito? Hahaha...
Three months... and the saga continues
"Bat di ka pa mag-asawa?"
"Kasi di ko pa nahahanap ang right guy for me."
Tama ba namang sabihin ko sa boylet ko yun. Parang diretsahan ko nang sinabing, hindi kasi siya ang lalakeng hinahanap ko.
"Eh, ikaw... bat d ka pa mag-asawa?"
Ang retort ni lalake: "Ewan ko nga rin. Hanggang ngayon, di ko pa rin alam ang sagot diyan."
Nyi! Bumawi sa akin! Hahaha...
Yes.
It is possible to be happy yet discontented in a relationship.
It is possible to be lonely even when you have that special someone.
Or maybe its just because you know very well that you are loving the wrong person and knowing that you are also the wrong person for him to love. Yet, you keep your mouths closed and refuse to accept the inevitable.
Or maybe because fear of being hurt is knocking down my door loudly and I feel myself succumbing to its call. So I choose to hide behind behind this fascade that what we have is nothing but a way to kill time.
When I know very well that it is more than that.
Love makes fools of us all.
"Bat di ka pa mag-asawa?"
"Kasi di ko pa nahahanap ang right guy for me."
Tama ba namang sabihin ko sa boylet ko yun. Parang diretsahan ko nang sinabing, hindi kasi siya ang lalakeng hinahanap ko.
"Eh, ikaw... bat d ka pa mag-asawa?"
Ang retort ni lalake: "Ewan ko nga rin. Hanggang ngayon, di ko pa rin alam ang sagot diyan."
Nyi! Bumawi sa akin! Hahaha...
Yes.
It is possible to be happy yet discontented in a relationship.
It is possible to be lonely even when you have that special someone.
Or maybe its just because you know very well that you are loving the wrong person and knowing that you are also the wrong person for him to love. Yet, you keep your mouths closed and refuse to accept the inevitable.
Or maybe because fear of being hurt is knocking down my door loudly and I feel myself succumbing to its call. So I choose to hide behind behind this fascade that what we have is nothing but a way to kill time.
When I know very well that it is more than that.
Love makes fools of us all.
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