A good friend of mine just got married a few weeks ago. Although the marriage was sort of rushed, she inadvertently insists that she was ready for the whole tying the knot shenanigan. The incident, of course, made me reflect on my own semi-chaotic life and the lack of stability which was somehow becoming the road that I was traveling in.
Seriously, I know I need to straighten my own life. Break up with this guy I can’t seem to find the guts to break up with, find a nice serious guy who will take me seriously and maybe introduce me to his parents, study more, stop pretending I’m okay with this feeling of incompleteness. Still, am I really ready for all that? When I think about it, I cringe because I don’t really know the answer.
It’s funny when your friends are married or in serious relationships. They either push you to be like them (ergo, get hitched) or encourage you to do the things they missed out (ergo, pimp you to their hot friends). At this point, I don’t really know which one I prefer the most, although the latter does sound a whole lot more enticing, hehehe…
I was actually engaged once. I got the engagement ring, the whole “Will you marry me?” thing and all the shenanigans that went with it. He was incredibly excited, I was afraid of losing him that I said yes, even when I knew I was far from ready for the marriage thing. I knew in my heart that if we actually made it to the wedding day, there was the 98% chance that I might do a Julia Roberts thing and become a Runaway Bride. We got “dis-engaged” when he fell for a girl 8 years younger than him, one who couldn’t keep her legs crossed. Somehow, I got over it and I can seriously say now that I’m happy things didn’t work out between us. I honestly hope he has a good life now with her.
A few months ago, a guy I was seeing also asked me if I wanted to get married. He was at an age that marriage seemed like the next best step. I said no. Not because I didn’t like him or because I wasn’t ready for it, but because I knew that we weren’t the most suited for each other. A relationship that was kept under wraps certainly didn’t make for a lasting relationship. Besides, I can sense that he too wasn’t really ready for it.
I’m not really a commitment-phoebe as some of my friends might think. Okay, so I am a little afraid of rejection, which is probably why I make stupid excuses when coupled with this nice cute doctor and I keep postponing a date with this hot nurse three years my junior I met a week ago. I would like to think that maybe I’m just a little wiser now. With five boyfriends in my past, I should have learned a lot already from whatever mistakes I’ve made previously. So, unlike most people, I don’t want to race to altar. I want to stroll towards it, tread slowly in my 4-inch stilettos, the heels loudly clicking, because I know that in the end, it will all be worth it.
To Ms. HM, who will remain forever one of my most missed gimik buddies...
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