Numb

A friend I call Bare-naked once told me that he thinks female doctors are "manhid". I was vehemently denying the whole thing, of course, saying things like we're not like that, we just have to control our feelings and not be as expressive or as emotional as other people because our job requires it, we too feel the same emotions, and so on and so forth.

Of course, I knew he was just daring me and probably testing my limits to see if I was attuned to his ulterior motives or not.

Hello, I was never the naive type. I knew what he was thinking.

Going back to the topic at hand, lately, circumstances in my life have started to make me think that maybe he was right.

I have become numb.

Maybe it was just the guy. Or rather, the guys. But I think I've become numb. The heat is there, but the passion is gone. Even if I try to imagine a happily ever after for him/them and me, I can't anymore.

Or maybe it was the just because all the disappointments have started consuming me. I don't care anymore what he thinks. I have become careless. And tactless. I don't give a damn anymore if he/they think they're the only one. Or that if I'm inlove with him/them.

Do I even want the happily ever after? Some part in my mind says yes. But I have started to realize that it's just not possible.

The numbness has gotten through me.

Frigid. That's my middle name.