The Drama of a Mistress in the Making

I must really have the makings of a future mistress.

I just found out that this guy I was considering dating, Geoff Eigenman* has a girlfriend. He was almost perfect, we were compatible in almost all levels, and I knew he really liked me too. He was a guy I knew I’d actually consider being serious with. A guy worthy enough for me to quit smoking, a vice that has been my security blanket for that feeling of incompleteness that has been my bestfriend for too many years now.

I mean, God. Seriously. Is this some kind of a joke? I’ve already been in that situation before. It was hell. All that agony of having to smile and wave as he goes off to meet his girlfriend, the pain of knowing he’s probably having sex with her at this exact moment, the pretentions of being okay with it when it hurts me so much… I seriously don’t want to do that again. Why, God, why?!

Bakit ba ako lapitin ng mga lalakeng taken?

Am I being punished? And if I am, for what? As far I know, I was nice to all my boyfriends in the past. If ever there were times that I was bad, I knew they deserved it anyway because they were worse. Is there a shortage of single and available men in this world? Do I not have the charm to entice guys who are not shackled by their wives or their girlfriends?

Oh, come on. Mahirap ba talaga akong hanapan, Lord? All I want lang naman is a nice single guy who will treat me the way I deserve. I want someone who will think of bringing me dinner when I am on 24 hour duty or one who will take me out to lunch when I’m assigned at the OPD. I want someone who will encourage me to go to church by holding my hand the whole time during mass. Someone who doesn’t ask me if he can take me out on a date but knows that I need to spend time with him and relax by watching a movie or having a picnic when I am from duty. Someone who will be proud to take me home to meet his parents. A non-smoker who will not ask me to stop smoking but will expect me not to do so infront of him or a smoker, whose lips doesn’t taste like an ashtray. Someone who can hold his drink and does not get raving drunk. A good conversationalist who doesn’t end up talking about himself or his ex-girlfriends the whole night. A guy with a stable job or one who is currently in the process of securing himself a stable career.

A guy with his own passions and his own interests, one who is not too wrapped up with my own affairs that he lets his life revolve around me. One who will choose to hang out and get along with my friends, even when he is afraid they might scrutinize him, or simply one who will allow me to go out with them, without making me feel guilty about choosing to spend time with them rather than with him. Someone who doesn’t mind that I have close male friends.

A hot-blooded male whose sexual preference was never ever questioned. Someone with a naughty streak, who finds green jokes funny, but will not expect me to sleep with him if I don’t want to. Someone who doesn’t think a date should always end with a make-out session, but will never fail to kiss me goodnight when he takes me home. Someone who will give me a quick kiss on the lips or caress my hand or make any affectionate gesture everytime he sees me, even if it is only for a few fleeting moments everytime our paths should cross. One who welcomes such kind of affection from me and will look proud that I had kissed him in public or chosen to surprise him at work.

Good looks is not a must. I just want someone who doesn’t look embarrassing enough to stand beside with. The size or shape doesn’t matter but I would definitely prefer one who is at least my height or taller or one who is not morbidly obese.

I want someone who doesn’t mind the extra pounds, or tells me to stop eating after three spoonfuls of rice because I was starting to gain weight. I definitely want someone who eats more than I do. Someone who will encourage me to lose weight by taking me for a stroll around the oval everyday or surprising me with a 3-month membership to the gym and accompanying me everytime.

Someone with brains is highly welcome. I don’t like wasting time explaining too many terms during a conversation. I find a guy who spews out medical terms or legal terms or other professional-sounding occupation-related words highly sexy. I would prefer an older guy for upto 8 years but younger guys upto 3 years who are not too absorbed with their own selves are also welcome, as long as he will not become too much of an embarrassment when I take him home to meet my parents. Such will occur at a time when I think I am ready for it and not after he has blackmailed or made me feel guilty about not doing so.

That’s all I want. Mahirap ba yun?

I hate this life.



*not his real name