I always end up dating the bad boys.
You know, boys that I know are totally wrong for me. I don't know why.
I met my first boyfriend, Rain, while waiting for a jeepney to school. He made sukob to my umbrella and got my phone number and home address before he had even gotten off the jeepney. A naive 17-year-old was certainly no match for this 23-year-old Speedy Gonzales who had hands and a mouth that quickly wanted to venture to illegitimate places, despite my disapproval. That certainly didn't last long and by the second month, I was already avoiding his phone calls and preparing my speech of "Narealize ko na hindi pala kita minahal."
My second boyfriend, Baby Boy, nice, sweet and sentimental as he was, was two years younger than me. I was in college, he was in 3rd year highschool. Things were pretty great until he stepped into college and realized that he didn't want me to be his first and last girlfriend. His need to broaden his horizons and to check out the other fishes in the sea led to our break-up. End of story. Ayoko ng magsalita dahil baka mabasa niya blog ko. Hahaha... Peace tayo, Dong! Hehehe...
My relationship with my third boyfriend, Acne Vulgaris, my co-intern during my last month rotation, lasted for seven months. Seven months of us never even telling each other "I love you". Because he was always broke, I was always the one inviting him to go on a date, therefore, end up paying for both of us. When we bumped into his relatives at Megamall, and they asked if I was his girlfriend, his exact words were "Hinde. Friend ko lang." It was quite easy to break up with him after that, before I went back to Zamboanga City, reasoning that I wasn't into a long-distance relationship. It did made me feel a little guilty when during our last conversation, he told me that of all the girlfriends that he had, I was the nearest to the one he wanted to spend his life with... Ganon? I never even felt it, gago.
My fourth boyfriend and ex-fiancee, WrongAtAllLevels, was the devil incarnate. I thought he was THE ONE considering that he would be different from all the other guys that I have dated since he was my first taste of Grade-A Zamboangueno meat. I lived through the two years and seven months of insecurity, impossible demands, lack of freedom, limitations, heated and very loud arguments, flirtations and foiled attempts at courting other women, a botched marriage proposal and I still ended up on the losing end, after he had fallen inlove with a minor who was 10 years younger than him. He was certainly the biggest mistake of my life and my biggest regret was that I should have ended my relationship with him sooner.
Now, I'm dating another guy who I know is also wrong for me. Lasa's nice, very sweet, a litle too serious than I would have preferred but he has his funny moments, who sees something in me that I probably don't see (Which is probably a good thing, right?), who believes - even if I don't - that I have a lot of untapped potential (like in making a Book Report, Hahaha...). He's a lot like me except for the fact that I find a lot of things funnier, I like going out more and that I have never dated more than one person at the same time. Despite knowing that he's wrong for me, I find myself more attracted to him each day. Kasalanan kasi ni Kupido yan. Hehehe...
So, what do all these guys have in common?
1. Except for No. 5, they are all the youngest in the family.
2. They are all notorious players. Or in the case of No.2, a flirt.
Why, oh, why do I end up dating these guys? Is it because the wrong guys are attracted to me? Is it because I don't see myself being happy with a good guy? Is it because the good guys have run out? Is it because the wrong guys are so much fun to be with? Is it because I find good guys ugly or boring? Is it because I fall inlove too easily? Is it because I really am a jerk magnet?
I must be doing something wrong with my life if I always keep ending up with these type of guys. Don't I deserve din naman the chance to meet a guy who knows he can make me cry but will never ever try to do so?
Kahit ganito lang ako, naghahanap din ako ng soulmate...
Friday, July 28, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
A day in the life of a not so typical medical student #1
Boredom makes you do a lot of things. It makes you skip a previously set arrangement to go with classmates to the Department of Health to look for some material for your research (Sorry, Seph, Janet, Allen... tinamad po ako lumabas. Hehehe...). It makes you search for your old highschool class webpage on the Internet and have a laugh over your old pictures (I looked like crap by the way. Thankfully, my classmates looked just as bad as I did. Hehehe...). It makes you smoke inside your bedroom, when you knew very well it takes hours for the smell of smoke to dissipate in your bedroom because there is no exhaust and the area is cramped and miniscule. It makes you glad that a classmate is coming over to your house, even when you had to skip lunch and munch on Chippy and Coke instead, just to work hard in helping in the editing of her research paper.
By the way, Jackie, pag nanalo yan best research, may porsyento ako. Hahaha...
I would like to thank God, by the way, (Naks! What a religious post! Probably my first and last religious post. Hahaha...) for making me pass my first comprehensive exam, despite my two-day cramming and haphazard - or more like, lack of - study habits. One down, two more to go. I made a deal with God that if he helped me pass this exam, I will do my best to study better for the next two exams. So, guys, no more Videoke for me. No more Beerkada nights. No more gimik with highschool friends. No more dates... Hmmm... On the other hand, that may still be negotiable. I have my needs too. Bwahahaha... Inspirational needs baya! Kung ano-ano na ang inakala niyo, ano? Mga madudumi ang isip! Hehehe...
Still, if the Videoke kids (namely me, Shaf, Nor and Ella) all passsed, we must be doing something right. So, why should we disrupt the old system, di ba? Hahaha... Naghanap talaga ng excuse para lang makapag-Videoke, ano?
Congrats to all who passsed! We did it, guys! Only two more to go!
When I told Lasa the news, he tells me this, word for word, "Matalino ka naman. Why don't you try using all your potential and read an entire medical book cover-to-cover and then make a summary?"
I was about to laugh, when I realized that he wasn't kidding. Nyarks! Hindi pala yun joke. Hehehe... That's one of the things I adore about him. Only he can come up with these sort of crazy ideas and actually be serious about it. Hahaha...
Lasa, naman... Hello?! Wala sa hobbies ko ang gumawa ng BOOK REPORT, ha?
Speaking of HIM, I was out with him today to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. Funny movie, by the way, if you're into pirates and those sort of thing (which I'm not, but still, it was funny). We were going up to the 3rd floor in the escalator when Someone We Both Knew (SWBW) saw us. SWBW, who was strolling along the 2nd floor, called him. He waved to SWBW, laughed and mouthed conversation over my head. I was just too much in shock so I did not turn my head at all and proceeded to just look straight ahead. These are one of those times when I could have used my cellphone as a prop para kunwari busy texting but I couldn't because I ended up forgetting it at home. Huhuhu... I missed my cellphone kahit na 3120 lang yun. I have gotten used to being physically and mentally attached to it. Hehehe...
Going back to the story at hand, I don't know if SWBW saw me - I'm afraid he did - but I had a new haircut so I'm hoping he didn't recognize me. Hahaha...
Asa ka pa, NYTM
Sigh... Bahala na... With us dating in public, I guess I should just get used to this...
We had dinner at Manang Terry's afterwards. He eats really fast so he finished earlier than I did. He then asks me, "Hindi ka sanay magkamay, ano?" I laughed and ended up blushing. Nahiya naman ako. I never realized until now that it shows pala that I can't eat using only my hands very well. After all, eventhough I do prefer to eat using a spoon and fork, I do eat at the Baybay Barbequehan by hand. When my classmates and I go to the beach, I also eat by hand with them. Nobody has said anything to me about it before. Until now. Thankfully, he just laughs and tells me "Masanay ka na. Mas masarap kasi kumain ng nagkakamay pag gutom ka na talaga."
Hmmm... Does this mean that we will be together for a looong time, that we will get married but starve because he is incredibly maluho or simply, that we will be eating together by hand frequently? =)
Reminder to self: Must practice eating by hand.
Hahaha... the crazy things we do for love...
It's my research proposal presentation tomorrow. If the panel denies my paper again, I will kill myself. I actually worked hard for that paper, although not as much as I could have (Hmmm... There must be something to what HE frequently says about my not using up all my potential. Hehehe...), but I know I worked my ass off on that. Well, at least for three days. Hehehe... I hate research! I hate it from the bottom of my heart!
I'm off to work on my OHP slides. Wish me luck for tomorrow!
Until next time... Peace out!
By the way, Jackie, pag nanalo yan best research, may porsyento ako. Hahaha...
I would like to thank God, by the way, (Naks! What a religious post! Probably my first and last religious post. Hahaha...) for making me pass my first comprehensive exam, despite my two-day cramming and haphazard - or more like, lack of - study habits. One down, two more to go. I made a deal with God that if he helped me pass this exam, I will do my best to study better for the next two exams. So, guys, no more Videoke for me. No more Beerkada nights. No more gimik with highschool friends. No more dates... Hmmm... On the other hand, that may still be negotiable. I have my needs too. Bwahahaha... Inspirational needs baya! Kung ano-ano na ang inakala niyo, ano? Mga madudumi ang isip! Hehehe...
Still, if the Videoke kids (namely me, Shaf, Nor and Ella) all passsed, we must be doing something right. So, why should we disrupt the old system, di ba? Hahaha... Naghanap talaga ng excuse para lang makapag-Videoke, ano?
Congrats to all who passsed! We did it, guys! Only two more to go!
When I told Lasa the news, he tells me this, word for word, "Matalino ka naman. Why don't you try using all your potential and read an entire medical book cover-to-cover and then make a summary?"
I was about to laugh, when I realized that he wasn't kidding. Nyarks! Hindi pala yun joke. Hehehe... That's one of the things I adore about him. Only he can come up with these sort of crazy ideas and actually be serious about it. Hahaha...
Lasa, naman... Hello?! Wala sa hobbies ko ang gumawa ng BOOK REPORT, ha?
Speaking of HIM, I was out with him today to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. Funny movie, by the way, if you're into pirates and those sort of thing (which I'm not, but still, it was funny). We were going up to the 3rd floor in the escalator when Someone We Both Knew (SWBW) saw us. SWBW, who was strolling along the 2nd floor, called him. He waved to SWBW, laughed and mouthed conversation over my head. I was just too much in shock so I did not turn my head at all and proceeded to just look straight ahead. These are one of those times when I could have used my cellphone as a prop para kunwari busy texting but I couldn't because I ended up forgetting it at home. Huhuhu... I missed my cellphone kahit na 3120 lang yun. I have gotten used to being physically and mentally attached to it. Hehehe...
Going back to the story at hand, I don't know if SWBW saw me - I'm afraid he did - but I had a new haircut so I'm hoping he didn't recognize me. Hahaha...
Asa ka pa, NYTM
Sigh... Bahala na... With us dating in public, I guess I should just get used to this...
We had dinner at Manang Terry's afterwards. He eats really fast so he finished earlier than I did. He then asks me, "Hindi ka sanay magkamay, ano?" I laughed and ended up blushing. Nahiya naman ako. I never realized until now that it shows pala that I can't eat using only my hands very well. After all, eventhough I do prefer to eat using a spoon and fork, I do eat at the Baybay Barbequehan by hand. When my classmates and I go to the beach, I also eat by hand with them. Nobody has said anything to me about it before. Until now. Thankfully, he just laughs and tells me "Masanay ka na. Mas masarap kasi kumain ng nagkakamay pag gutom ka na talaga."
Hmmm... Does this mean that we will be together for a looong time, that we will get married but starve because he is incredibly maluho or simply, that we will be eating together by hand frequently? =)
Reminder to self: Must practice eating by hand.
Hahaha... the crazy things we do for love...
It's my research proposal presentation tomorrow. If the panel denies my paper again, I will kill myself. I actually worked hard for that paper, although not as much as I could have (Hmmm... There must be something to what HE frequently says about my not using up all my potential. Hehehe...), but I know I worked my ass off on that. Well, at least for three days. Hehehe... I hate research! I hate it from the bottom of my heart!
I'm off to work on my OHP slides. Wish me luck for tomorrow!
Until next time... Peace out!
Monday, July 24, 2006
Eh, kasi Sunday
I've always been understanding naman to him and his many strange quirks. He after all, does makes up for it when he can and I can really see the efforts. That is why I haven't been able to stop myself from feeling what I already feel for him. Sometimes I feel like I'm just dreaming up all these and that one day, I'll wake up and realize that none of it was true. Being with him is great... Pero isa lang naman talaga ang reklamo ko:
Ang boring niya talaga paminsan!
I wanted to go out and do something - as in, anything! - outside the house. Because he had a previous engagement yesterday, he cancelled our movie date and said we'll watch on Sunday instead. I was honestly looking forward to it because I was already incredibly bored and I don't like to be cooped up at home the whole weekend.
Unfortunately, what he did instead was show up at my house unexpectedly, walk up to our terrace and take a seat (when he could've just stayed in his wheels so that I didn't have to answer stupid questions from my parents later this evening), tell me tinatamad siya lumakad kasi Sunday is rest day (Hello! Kaya ka nga lalakad kasi rest day mo, gago!) and spent 15 minutes with me making senseless conversation, while avoiding our pet dogs (He's afraid of being bitten kasi). Tapos, after a quick smack on the lips, umuwi na ang loko.
I was left at home, still bored out of my mind, pissed off because I was looking forward to getting out of the house, annoyed that he could be this boring, and oh, yeah, did I say I was bored?
Arghhh! Tama ba namang irason na tinatamad ka lumakad kasi it's Sunday?
I've always been understanding naman to him and his many strange quirks. He after all, does makes up for it when he can and I can really see the efforts. That is why I haven't been able to stop myself from feeling what I already feel for him. Sometimes I feel like I'm just dreaming up all these and that one day, I'll wake up and realize that none of it was true. Being with him is great... Pero isa lang naman talaga ang reklamo ko:
Ang boring niya talaga paminsan!
I wanted to go out and do something - as in, anything! - outside the house. Because he had a previous engagement yesterday, he cancelled our movie date and said we'll watch on Sunday instead. I was honestly looking forward to it because I was already incredibly bored and I don't like to be cooped up at home the whole weekend.
Unfortunately, what he did instead was show up at my house unexpectedly, walk up to our terrace and take a seat (when he could've just stayed in his wheels so that I didn't have to answer stupid questions from my parents later this evening), tell me tinatamad siya lumakad kasi Sunday is rest day (Hello! Kaya ka nga lalakad kasi rest day mo, gago!) and spent 15 minutes with me making senseless conversation, while avoiding our pet dogs (He's afraid of being bitten kasi). Tapos, after a quick smack on the lips, umuwi na ang loko.
I was left at home, still bored out of my mind, pissed off because I was looking forward to getting out of the house, annoyed that he could be this boring, and oh, yeah, did I say I was bored?
Arghhh! Tama ba namang irason na tinatamad ka lumakad kasi it's Sunday?
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Why I can't marry you now
First of all, let me start by saying that I love you. I had fallen for you even when I didn't want to. I had fallen for you despite the fact that I know you're totally wrong for me. I tried to play but ended up losing the game. I know I am probably screwed but I can't do anything about it. I fell hard and I was glad to see that you were there to catch me.
It gives me great pleasure that you have asked me to marry you plenty of times. I feel extremely lucky that you have chosen me. I sometimes think that this is all just a dream and that one day I'll wake up and realize that none of it happened. Being proposed marriage by someone that you love is a blessed thing and I treasure the fact that you have chosen to propose to me.
But it pains me to tell you that, Lasa, I cannot say yes.
You look at marriage differently. For you, it means stability. You see it as your next step towards the completion of your goals in life. I fear that for you, it doesn't matter who end up marrying. You're at an age where people are already expecting you to get married so you want to get married. You probably think that if things don't work out between us, you can always get a divorce. I, on the other hand, look at marriage differently.
I am so much younger than you so I am rather idealistic when it comes to marriage. I also come from a different religious background so I see marriage as something that should last forever. It is something binding, something lasting and that if things don't work out between us, we're supposed to work on it as much as we can. It is not just me accompanying you wherever you end up working or vacationing, like you wanted, the way your own parents do. It is not just your being able to understand if I choose not to convert to your religion. It is not just me choosing not to eat pork forever. It is not just you always taking care of me financially. It is not just me always taking care of your physical needs. It is not just us having children or having one family despite your religion allowing you to have more.
Marrige is a vow of commitment. It is being able to undertsand if I have to payback my scholarship in Zamboanga while you work outside. It is facing people and telling them about us. It is admitting to my classmates that yes, I am dating you, and being proud about it. It is choosing not to sleep with other girls despite the fact that they are extremely attracted to you. It is having to face my parents' wrath for marrying someone from another religion. It is learning how to read the other person's actions, despite what his or her words may be conveying. It is having great conversations or being happy together despite the silence. It is ending flirtations with other girls and not dating other guys. It is choosing to be with one person, to grow old with them, and to love them for the rest of their life.
We're still so far from all those things, Lasa. Alhough I greatly appreciate the fact that you have made the first step in wanting to meet my parents, despite the fact that I was reluctant to do so. I find that very sweet and suprising. I still have a lot of things I want you to know about me and you still have a lot of things to prove to me. Why don't we take it slow for a while and just see where life will lead us.
Lasa, I don't doubt that you love me. But I do doubt that you will want to love only me.
It gives me great pleasure that you have asked me to marry you plenty of times. I feel extremely lucky that you have chosen me. I sometimes think that this is all just a dream and that one day I'll wake up and realize that none of it happened. Being proposed marriage by someone that you love is a blessed thing and I treasure the fact that you have chosen to propose to me.
But it pains me to tell you that, Lasa, I cannot say yes.
You look at marriage differently. For you, it means stability. You see it as your next step towards the completion of your goals in life. I fear that for you, it doesn't matter who end up marrying. You're at an age where people are already expecting you to get married so you want to get married. You probably think that if things don't work out between us, you can always get a divorce. I, on the other hand, look at marriage differently.
I am so much younger than you so I am rather idealistic when it comes to marriage. I also come from a different religious background so I see marriage as something that should last forever. It is something binding, something lasting and that if things don't work out between us, we're supposed to work on it as much as we can. It is not just me accompanying you wherever you end up working or vacationing, like you wanted, the way your own parents do. It is not just your being able to understand if I choose not to convert to your religion. It is not just me choosing not to eat pork forever. It is not just you always taking care of me financially. It is not just me always taking care of your physical needs. It is not just us having children or having one family despite your religion allowing you to have more.
Marrige is a vow of commitment. It is being able to undertsand if I have to payback my scholarship in Zamboanga while you work outside. It is facing people and telling them about us. It is admitting to my classmates that yes, I am dating you, and being proud about it. It is choosing not to sleep with other girls despite the fact that they are extremely attracted to you. It is having to face my parents' wrath for marrying someone from another religion. It is learning how to read the other person's actions, despite what his or her words may be conveying. It is having great conversations or being happy together despite the silence. It is ending flirtations with other girls and not dating other guys. It is choosing to be with one person, to grow old with them, and to love them for the rest of their life.
We're still so far from all those things, Lasa. Alhough I greatly appreciate the fact that you have made the first step in wanting to meet my parents, despite the fact that I was reluctant to do so. I find that very sweet and suprising. I still have a lot of things I want you to know about me and you still have a lot of things to prove to me. Why don't we take it slow for a while and just see where life will lead us.
Lasa, I don't doubt that you love me. But I do doubt that you will want to love only me.
Friday, July 21, 2006
For Mr. Star Player
A cute guy friend of mine from college, Mr. Star Player, called me up unexpectedly today, after a quick tampuhan through text. Back then, we used to do that all the time. He'd miss call me - Hehehe... uso pa kasi ang miss call dati - and I'd be like "Hello,____? Tumawag ka?" My classmates had a blast making fun of me back then (Special mention, Debbie... Grrrr...).
Yes, I admit. I used to have this huge crush on him. His unexpected phone call brought me to an instant flashback of those days, back when I was still my sexier, fairer, more naive and less cynical self.
Flashback music please...
We actually met during a Battle of the Bands thing in school. He was brought along by a childhood friend of one of my classmates. They were three guys, we were three girls. After the Battle of the Bands, we went to play billiards, hanged out at the boys' apartment and went home in the morning. My classmate entertained her childhood friend and my other classmate started being chummy with the other guy. I never was the friendly type so I spent most of that night smoking and joking with my girlfriends, occasionally smiling at the boys. It wasn't until I was going home that he, Mr. Star Player, decided to accompany me.
And thus, starts the incredibly confusing saga of our so-called relationship.
I will skip with all the mushy details and choose to go for the jugular.
Back when I was young, I never knew how to handle new interests... Hmmm... when I think about it, I think I still don't. Hahaha... One time, during one of his visits at my dormitory, he tells me that he likes me and that we should let destiny take control. I had no idea what he meant but apparently it was supposed to mean that we have an understanding already. Ergo, kami na. But at that time, I've already been with two boyfriends and I knew that that's not how its supposed to work. Isn't the guy supposed to tell the girl he loves her or something to that effect? I mean hello! "Let's let destiny take control" certainly doesn't equate to "Be my girlfriend"! So, the next day, along with his friends, he visits me and my friends in school. I didn't know how to react so I ended up completely ignoring him. He gets mad at me and apparently goes drinking with his friends. I got pissed off with his overly possessive reaction so, I went drinking with one of my friends as well.
Remember this, Lizzy?
Although we remained friends - probably because my classmate ended up dating his friend for more than three years - we never really talked about that incident. And strangely, even after my classmate and his friend broke up, we still remained good friends. Long distance nga lang. Sometimes, I do think about how I could have better handled the situation and how it would've been if things were different. We were both too idealistic back then, him, because he hasn't had a girlfriend yet and me, because back then, I've always played it safe and never took any risks. If we had met today and he would still have done the same thing, I would have known better what to do and I would have been Mr. Star Player's girlfriend or knowing him, M.U. (Hahaha... Uso pa ba yun?) already.
Hahaha... Mr. Star Player, hindi kita nililigawan ha? Nagrereminisce lang po. Hehehe... Friends tayo! Peace!
Let's just let destiny take control...
Yes, I admit. I used to have this huge crush on him. His unexpected phone call brought me to an instant flashback of those days, back when I was still my sexier, fairer, more naive and less cynical self.
Flashback music please...
We actually met during a Battle of the Bands thing in school. He was brought along by a childhood friend of one of my classmates. They were three guys, we were three girls. After the Battle of the Bands, we went to play billiards, hanged out at the boys' apartment and went home in the morning. My classmate entertained her childhood friend and my other classmate started being chummy with the other guy. I never was the friendly type so I spent most of that night smoking and joking with my girlfriends, occasionally smiling at the boys. It wasn't until I was going home that he, Mr. Star Player, decided to accompany me.
And thus, starts the incredibly confusing saga of our so-called relationship.
I will skip with all the mushy details and choose to go for the jugular.
Back when I was young, I never knew how to handle new interests... Hmmm... when I think about it, I think I still don't. Hahaha... One time, during one of his visits at my dormitory, he tells me that he likes me and that we should let destiny take control. I had no idea what he meant but apparently it was supposed to mean that we have an understanding already. Ergo, kami na. But at that time, I've already been with two boyfriends and I knew that that's not how its supposed to work. Isn't the guy supposed to tell the girl he loves her or something to that effect? I mean hello! "Let's let destiny take control" certainly doesn't equate to "Be my girlfriend"! So, the next day, along with his friends, he visits me and my friends in school. I didn't know how to react so I ended up completely ignoring him. He gets mad at me and apparently goes drinking with his friends. I got pissed off with his overly possessive reaction so, I went drinking with one of my friends as well.
Remember this, Lizzy?
Although we remained friends - probably because my classmate ended up dating his friend for more than three years - we never really talked about that incident. And strangely, even after my classmate and his friend broke up, we still remained good friends. Long distance nga lang. Sometimes, I do think about how I could have better handled the situation and how it would've been if things were different. We were both too idealistic back then, him, because he hasn't had a girlfriend yet and me, because back then, I've always played it safe and never took any risks. If we had met today and he would still have done the same thing, I would have known better what to do and I would have been Mr. Star Player's girlfriend or knowing him, M.U. (Hahaha... Uso pa ba yun?) already.
Hahaha... Mr. Star Player, hindi kita nililigawan ha? Nagrereminisce lang po. Hehehe... Friends tayo! Peace!
Let's just let destiny take control...
Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
This wasn't supposed to turn out this way.
I was supposed to be able to get out of this once things become too serious.
Bakit hindi ko 'ata magawa?
Shiyet! I think I have fallen for the fact that he has chosen me over his other girlfiend. For the unexpected cellphone calls. For his wanting to meet my parents. For his wanting to take care of me. For the plans of a civil wedding. For his wanting me to be with him always, the way his mother always accompanies his father wherever he goes. For his checking up if I have eaten my breakfast, noon and dinner. For the hugs and the kisses. For the constant dates in public places. For him not caring anymore if other people might see us. For the "I love you, NYTM."
And for many many many other unmentionable things.
Yes, I have fallen hard. Leche! Hindi dapat mangyari 'to!
Wahhhhh! I'm so screwed.
AGE
This has to stop.
You have tortured me for too long now. It has been 6 days since I have become your favorite victim. I'm tired of this. You have disrupted my life like a unwanted visitor or dysmenorrhea during a 4-hour bus trip.
The pain, the frequent inconvenient trips, the constant urge... all are but instruments to the destruction that you have brought into my life. You occupy my thoughts even in the most inopportune moments.
While on a romantic dinner date.
While making out with a loved one.
While drooling over Brandon Routh with friends at the movies.
I try to distract myself with thoughts other than you yet you never leave my mind, even when I'm hanging out with a new love. I cross my legs repeatedly and pretend you don't exist while you make yourself known by the wild noises that you make. During gimik with friends, you made me long for beer like it was a long lost love, forbidden yet just within my reach. You have made me fear alcohol because you knew it would only make things worse for me. The sunken eyeballs have not helped either. I put up with so much crap when the only good thing you have done for me was make me lose a few pounds in preparation for the Acquaintance Party.
Why do you do this to me? Why do you put me through so much torture? I have been good to you. I have kept you happy all this time. I have put up with the most unsanitary conditions just to please you yet this is how you have chosen to repay me?
I'm so tired. I give up. All I want now is to just rest my tired little ass on a slab of cold cement and unleash the powers within.
Acute Gastroenteritis, you are now my newest worst enemy.
This has to stop.
You have tortured me for too long now. It has been 6 days since I have become your favorite victim. I'm tired of this. You have disrupted my life like a unwanted visitor or dysmenorrhea during a 4-hour bus trip.
The pain, the frequent inconvenient trips, the constant urge... all are but instruments to the destruction that you have brought into my life. You occupy my thoughts even in the most inopportune moments.
While on a romantic dinner date.
While making out with a loved one.
While drooling over Brandon Routh with friends at the movies.
I try to distract myself with thoughts other than you yet you never leave my mind, even when I'm hanging out with a new love. I cross my legs repeatedly and pretend you don't exist while you make yourself known by the wild noises that you make. During gimik with friends, you made me long for beer like it was a long lost love, forbidden yet just within my reach. You have made me fear alcohol because you knew it would only make things worse for me. The sunken eyeballs have not helped either. I put up with so much crap when the only good thing you have done for me was make me lose a few pounds in preparation for the Acquaintance Party.
Why do you do this to me? Why do you put me through so much torture? I have been good to you. I have kept you happy all this time. I have put up with the most unsanitary conditions just to please you yet this is how you have chosen to repay me?
I'm so tired. I give up. All I want now is to just rest my tired little ass on a slab of cold cement and unleash the powers within.
Acute Gastroenteritis, you are now my newest worst enemy.
Dating Mr. Wrong
Why do I always end up dating Mr. Wrong?
Lasa is sweet. He blurts out the sweetest things at the most unexpected moment and makes me feel as if he wants to take care of me. For life. We actually have a lot of things in common, much more than I originally expected. It really surprises me that as each day passes, I see more of myself in him. And I dont know if familiarity has anything to do with it, but I am actualy starting to think he is gorgeous.
But it's about time that I face the fact that after more than a month, I am bored. I have recently come to the realization that he sucks at making conversation. He has the sense of humor equal to a gnat. I am thankful that we don't spend any time talking on the phone because that would be like a flashback fom my highschool days, where frequent gaps of silence - or cicadas mating - are interspersed between short senseless conversations. I don't know if it's just becuse of the generation gap or something but I find a lot of things funnier than he does. But then, I guess that's not his fault considering that I have the incredibly superficial capacity for humor as that of a kiddie pool, meaning, incredibly shallow.
Seriously, I should cut things off with him but I can't help myself because along with my many quirks, I also have the mentality of that of a lone girl stuck in an island with only one guy.
"Pwede na yan. Pagtiisan na lang muna."
Gahddd... What the hell is wrong with me?
Lasa is sweet. He blurts out the sweetest things at the most unexpected moment and makes me feel as if he wants to take care of me. For life. We actually have a lot of things in common, much more than I originally expected. It really surprises me that as each day passes, I see more of myself in him. And I dont know if familiarity has anything to do with it, but I am actualy starting to think he is gorgeous.
But it's about time that I face the fact that after more than a month, I am bored. I have recently come to the realization that he sucks at making conversation. He has the sense of humor equal to a gnat. I am thankful that we don't spend any time talking on the phone because that would be like a flashback fom my highschool days, where frequent gaps of silence - or cicadas mating - are interspersed between short senseless conversations. I don't know if it's just becuse of the generation gap or something but I find a lot of things funnier than he does. But then, I guess that's not his fault considering that I have the incredibly superficial capacity for humor as that of a kiddie pool, meaning, incredibly shallow.
Seriously, I should cut things off with him but I can't help myself because along with my many quirks, I also have the mentality of that of a lone girl stuck in an island with only one guy.
"Pwede na yan. Pagtiisan na lang muna."
Gahddd... What the hell is wrong with me?
Chronicles of My First Blind Date
A friend has set me up with his friend, NotMacho, on an impromptu blind date. For some reason, I didn't feel any sparks between the two of us. Could it be because he wasn't cute? On the contrary, he was. Very cute chinito eyes, curly hair, nice teeth, well-toned physique. An 8.5 in a scale of 1-10. Could it be because he was smarter than me? Nahhh... I enjoy making conversation with smart guys. They're very stimulating to the mind. You can spend hours with a guy who has a lot to say and not be bored than with someone whose best literary reads are limited to FHM. Could it be because he was cynical about love? Hmmm... maybe. A little. But then, I think I am just as cynical about love as he is.
Yes, I too believe that love shits you in the face.
Actually, when I thought about it, I think the reason why there were no sparks is because he seemed too good for me. Not that I was into bad boys - okay, fine, who am I kidding? I AM into bad boys - but although he does drink socially and all, like me, I don't think he's the type who will be compatible with someone like me. He's like my ex-fiancee, WrongAtAllLevels, without the temper, the ego and the emotional hang-ups. I can already see a lifetime of pagbabawal if ever I end up with him. I will be too much of a baggage for someone like him. Eventually, he'll end up being the guy who will try to set my life straight when in fact, as of the moment, I don't see myself as someone whose life needs straightening.
Some might think that I'm just backing out from something that might be good for me. Or that maybe I still have commitment issues that I have to work out... Whoah! Commitment issues! I'm sounding like my friend, Ms. High Maintenance, already. Hahaha... Love you friend!... But seriously, I'm not that mapili kasi when it comes to guys. If a guy is into me, even if he's not my ideal kind of guy, as long as the chemistry is there, why not? Getting to know a person is a lifelong process anyway so why bother with hang-ups as to a guy's height, his built, his looks, his personality, his attitude, his vices or his quirks? Those are the things that make him unique as an individual. Personally, I find those character flaws the things that make a person more deviant from the norm and thus, make him more desirable.
But chemistry, that's a totally different thing. You can't work with something that's just not there in the first place. You can change everything else, the looks, the personality, the quirks but once the sparks aren't there, what's the point of trying to work things out?
A guy friend, Lacoste, once told me that maybe I'm just confusing chemistry with lust or simple physical attraction. But on the contrary, I can be incredibly into someone even if he's not that physically attractive. Or I can also not like a guy even if he's the school heartthrob or he resembles Piolo Pascual. Chemistry isn't equatable to physical attraction. It's an inkling of a possibility of mutually-shared romantic interest between two people. It certainly isn't something you can just force to develop between a man and a woman.
If it's not there, then, it really wouldn't be there.
Actually, when I think about it, I felt a littl saddened. I mean, my blind date was really really cute and really really smart. He's a good catch! But if we would end up together I'd be this little demonyita who will spin his world upside down and I will always feel guilty when I'm with him because I would always be unable to keep my hands off all things forbidden.
Tsk, tsk, tsk... too bad. Why is that we didn't feel any sparks in the first place? Why, lord? WHY???!!!
Madi, thanks for the blind date with your friend. Your friend was okay but I don't think he felt any chemistry as well. But, Madi, not bad, ha? Guess I'll be seeing him in ZCMC next year. Tell him, if he ever needs to walk on the dark side and wants someone to spin his world upside down, just text me. Hahaha...
I'm only half-kidding. Hehehe...
Yes, I too believe that love shits you in the face.
Actually, when I thought about it, I think the reason why there were no sparks is because he seemed too good for me. Not that I was into bad boys - okay, fine, who am I kidding? I AM into bad boys - but although he does drink socially and all, like me, I don't think he's the type who will be compatible with someone like me. He's like my ex-fiancee, WrongAtAllLevels, without the temper, the ego and the emotional hang-ups. I can already see a lifetime of pagbabawal if ever I end up with him. I will be too much of a baggage for someone like him. Eventually, he'll end up being the guy who will try to set my life straight when in fact, as of the moment, I don't see myself as someone whose life needs straightening.
Some might think that I'm just backing out from something that might be good for me. Or that maybe I still have commitment issues that I have to work out... Whoah! Commitment issues! I'm sounding like my friend, Ms. High Maintenance, already. Hahaha... Love you friend!... But seriously, I'm not that mapili kasi when it comes to guys. If a guy is into me, even if he's not my ideal kind of guy, as long as the chemistry is there, why not? Getting to know a person is a lifelong process anyway so why bother with hang-ups as to a guy's height, his built, his looks, his personality, his attitude, his vices or his quirks? Those are the things that make him unique as an individual. Personally, I find those character flaws the things that make a person more deviant from the norm and thus, make him more desirable.
But chemistry, that's a totally different thing. You can't work with something that's just not there in the first place. You can change everything else, the looks, the personality, the quirks but once the sparks aren't there, what's the point of trying to work things out?
A guy friend, Lacoste, once told me that maybe I'm just confusing chemistry with lust or simple physical attraction. But on the contrary, I can be incredibly into someone even if he's not that physically attractive. Or I can also not like a guy even if he's the school heartthrob or he resembles Piolo Pascual. Chemistry isn't equatable to physical attraction. It's an inkling of a possibility of mutually-shared romantic interest between two people. It certainly isn't something you can just force to develop between a man and a woman.
If it's not there, then, it really wouldn't be there.
Actually, when I think about it, I felt a littl saddened. I mean, my blind date was really really cute and really really smart. He's a good catch! But if we would end up together I'd be this little demonyita who will spin his world upside down and I will always feel guilty when I'm with him because I would always be unable to keep my hands off all things forbidden.
Tsk, tsk, tsk... too bad. Why is that we didn't feel any sparks in the first place? Why, lord? WHY???!!!
Madi, thanks for the blind date with your friend. Your friend was okay but I don't think he felt any chemistry as well. But, Madi, not bad, ha? Guess I'll be seeing him in ZCMC next year. Tell him, if he ever needs to walk on the dark side and wants someone to spin his world upside down, just text me. Hahaha...
I'm only half-kidding. Hehehe...
Friday, June 30, 2006
Para kay Ate Suy
Lagi na lang akong talo. Buong buhay ko, lagi akong nasusulutan ng iba. Tapos, ngayon, lahat ng gusto ko, nakukuha mo. Oo na, mas maganda ka na. Mas malakas ang karisma mo. Kaso, pare-parehas lang naman tayong nabiktima. Tanggapin na natin yun.
Trust me, hanggang text-text lang kami. Balita ko, mas higit na nakalamang ka pa nga sa akin. Kaya huwag na natin siyang pag-awayan, pwede? Ready naman akong magshare. Three months sa akin, three months sa'yo, choice mo pa kung aling months ang gusto mo. Ayaw mo parin?
Sige na nga. Sa'yo na siya. Masyado na ring magulo ang buhay ko kung kasama pa siya. Magkaibigan tayo. Tayo-tayo na nga lang magkakasama sa barangay, mag-aaway-away pa ba tayo? Wag naman sana.
Sige na, Len. Sige na, please.
Pwede ibaba mo na yang kutsilyo?
Please...
The Barangay Sto. Nino Secrets
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
This is the secet revelations of how medical students have gone wild in the community.
(Guys, Jay-ar and Cocoy have already divulged what we did in Sto. Nino so I might as well milk the experience for what it was worth. Hehehe...)
Armed with one 700 ml Gilbey's Gin, 300 ml Island Mixer, one Tanduay long neck and lapad, one 1.5 Coke, an MP3 full of songs you can dance to and two flashlights, the medical students plus one medtech gaduate have proceeded to party like it's year 2000.
"Get down, get down, get moving all around..."
The medical students' lipsynching and dancing skills to the songs of the Backstreet Boys appeared out of nowhere. Closed lights except for two flashlights held up and constantly rotated by two hands served as a makeshift disco ball. Instead of peanuts, sisig or chicharon, the pulutan consisted of a mix of Potato Chips, Moby, Beer Munch, Chippy and V-cut.
Imagine your face flush bright red after 5 sips of the alcohol mix, that slowly burning feeling sticking to your throat, that addictive feeling of a warm throbbing in all the vessels in your body, slightly tainted by some pinpoint itchiness, followed by the amazing experience of hearing your blood flow through your ears and your heart beat without even using a stethoscope, then followed by a humongous headache that slowly escalates despite you popping incessant amounts of Paracetamol on one hand and your drink on another.
Then, darkness slowly encrouches and a whoozy feeling envelopes you as you try to stand up and walk to the bathroom to pee. You try to sleep off your headache. After a few minutes or so, you sit up from bed, surprised that someone has also taken up space beside you. Your stomach growls like crazy, the room spins, people are concerned and provide you with a huge basin and flourescent lamp... Like, what the hell am I gonna do with a flourescent lamp?... You stand up, slowly crawl to the bathroom, puke out everything that you have consumed that night, over and over.
And over.
And over.
And over again.
The flag of Barangay Silucap has surrendered.
"Sub, Len, sub!"
Batch 97 is the first man - or rather woman - down.
Batch 99 follows.
You are now okay. You consider going back to join your drinking buddies. Then you remember, you're on 24-hour duty at the hospital tomorrow. Little Evil Mae tells you you're on complete bed rest at the hospital anyway. Little Angel Mae asks you what you're going to tell your dutymates if you go to the hospital nursing a huge hang-over and looking like you need to be infused with D5050 stat. LIttle Angel Mae wins. You go back to your bed and sleep.
"Sleep na 'ko, guys. Duty pako tomorrow."
While deep in your slumber, slowly, your drinking buddies all fall down. One by one, people desperately find bushes and empty toilet bowls to vomit their hearts out. The alcohol has intercepted with the normal cerebellar function thus, somebody overshoots his barf and ends up puking all over the toilet floor. Someone develops a severe allegic reaction. Panic ensues and people began desperately looking for anti-histamine meds. Eligible drivers of the transportation are too wasted to drive safely to the pharmacy. Thankfully, someone had emegency meds at hand.
Somewhere during the night, you realize your bedmate is taking up more space in the bed. You think, hmmm... Maybe he's been working out these past few days. Thankfully, you haven't fallen off the bed yet. You are now too sleepy and too drunk to care. You are unaware though that the reason why you haven't fallen off is because he was already holding you by the waist and he was practically hugging you in a semi-spooning manner.
The aftermath: You wake up at 6:30 AM the next day. You realize that you were too wasted last night to even take a shower, change your clothes, brush your teeth or even charge your cellphone. While the guilty party with dysdiadochokinesia las night cleans up the toilet, you boil rice. While you take a bath and finally get ready for hospital duty, some good soul cooks breakfast. Your drinking buddies slowly wake up one by one and taunt you about what happened while you were sleeping.
"Ha? I feel so used..."
Hahaha...
Strangely, despite the 7 hours sleep and the alarm at 6:30 AM, you end up almost one hour late for your hospital duty. Arghhh!!!
This is the secet revelations of how medical students have gone wild in the community.
(Guys, Jay-ar and Cocoy have already divulged what we did in Sto. Nino so I might as well milk the experience for what it was worth. Hehehe...)
Armed with one 700 ml Gilbey's Gin, 300 ml Island Mixer, one Tanduay long neck and lapad, one 1.5 Coke, an MP3 full of songs you can dance to and two flashlights, the medical students plus one medtech gaduate have proceeded to party like it's year 2000.
"Get down, get down, get moving all around..."
The medical students' lipsynching and dancing skills to the songs of the Backstreet Boys appeared out of nowhere. Closed lights except for two flashlights held up and constantly rotated by two hands served as a makeshift disco ball. Instead of peanuts, sisig or chicharon, the pulutan consisted of a mix of Potato Chips, Moby, Beer Munch, Chippy and V-cut.
Imagine your face flush bright red after 5 sips of the alcohol mix, that slowly burning feeling sticking to your throat, that addictive feeling of a warm throbbing in all the vessels in your body, slightly tainted by some pinpoint itchiness, followed by the amazing experience of hearing your blood flow through your ears and your heart beat without even using a stethoscope, then followed by a humongous headache that slowly escalates despite you popping incessant amounts of Paracetamol on one hand and your drink on another.
Then, darkness slowly encrouches and a whoozy feeling envelopes you as you try to stand up and walk to the bathroom to pee. You try to sleep off your headache. After a few minutes or so, you sit up from bed, surprised that someone has also taken up space beside you. Your stomach growls like crazy, the room spins, people are concerned and provide you with a huge basin and flourescent lamp... Like, what the hell am I gonna do with a flourescent lamp?... You stand up, slowly crawl to the bathroom, puke out everything that you have consumed that night, over and over.
And over.
And over.
And over again.
The flag of Barangay Silucap has surrendered.
"Sub, Len, sub!"
Batch 97 is the first man - or rather woman - down.
Batch 99 follows.
You are now okay. You consider going back to join your drinking buddies. Then you remember, you're on 24-hour duty at the hospital tomorrow. Little Evil Mae tells you you're on complete bed rest at the hospital anyway. Little Angel Mae asks you what you're going to tell your dutymates if you go to the hospital nursing a huge hang-over and looking like you need to be infused with D5050 stat. LIttle Angel Mae wins. You go back to your bed and sleep.
"Sleep na 'ko, guys. Duty pako tomorrow."
While deep in your slumber, slowly, your drinking buddies all fall down. One by one, people desperately find bushes and empty toilet bowls to vomit their hearts out. The alcohol has intercepted with the normal cerebellar function thus, somebody overshoots his barf and ends up puking all over the toilet floor. Someone develops a severe allegic reaction. Panic ensues and people began desperately looking for anti-histamine meds. Eligible drivers of the transportation are too wasted to drive safely to the pharmacy. Thankfully, someone had emegency meds at hand.
Somewhere during the night, you realize your bedmate is taking up more space in the bed. You think, hmmm... Maybe he's been working out these past few days. Thankfully, you haven't fallen off the bed yet. You are now too sleepy and too drunk to care. You are unaware though that the reason why you haven't fallen off is because he was already holding you by the waist and he was practically hugging you in a semi-spooning manner.
The aftermath: You wake up at 6:30 AM the next day. You realize that you were too wasted last night to even take a shower, change your clothes, brush your teeth or even charge your cellphone. While the guilty party with dysdiadochokinesia las night cleans up the toilet, you boil rice. While you take a bath and finally get ready for hospital duty, some good soul cooks breakfast. Your drinking buddies slowly wake up one by one and taunt you about what happened while you were sleeping.
"Ha? I feel so used..."
Hahaha...
Strangely, despite the 7 hours sleep and the alarm at 6:30 AM, you end up almost one hour late for your hospital duty. Arghhh!!!
Broken-Hearted Session No. 2
My chest hurts. It is a constant pain located retrosternally, diffused in character, with an accompanying intense desire to squeeze my lacrimal ducts and let the tears fall. Why the hell am I doing this to myself? Ang sakit pala ng ganito..
It is six days before our first monthsary and here I am deep in the throes of a woman, hiding in shame, cusing the nature of men, but still with no desire to let go. Ang tanga ko talaga...
Get me drunk. Get me really drunk.
Somebody. Please...
My chest hurts. It is a constant pain located retrosternally, diffused in character, with an accompanying intense desire to squeeze my lacrimal ducts and let the tears fall. Why the hell am I doing this to myself? Ang sakit pala ng ganito..
It is six days before our first monthsary and here I am deep in the throes of a woman, hiding in shame, cusing the nature of men, but still with no desire to let go. Ang tanga ko talaga...
Get me drunk. Get me really drunk.
Somebody. Please...
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Hanging out with my drunk boyfriend at 2 'o clock in the morning
If you want to communicate with your boyfriend, listen to him talk without any inhibitions and make him divulge all his secrets, the best way is to get him drunk.
An extremely drunk Lasa met up with me and a couple of my friends who were out on a gimik, after he himself attended a party with his coworkers. Drunk to the point of no return, he regalled my friends and I with stories about how one time he was so drunk yet he was made the designated driver that he ended up smashing their car on the side of a truck. Thus, despite his ability to drive in a relatively safe speed and recognize the meaning of changing colors of the traffic lights, my friends and I still feared for our life and began calling his car the DeathTrap. From the back seat, away from my boyfriend's watchful eyes, my friends feigned choking me while I smiled at them in the hopes that they will forgive me should anything happen to us. My drunk boyfriend, unaware of what his revelations had stirred in us, continued chatting brazenly, unaware of my embarassment and the fact that by offering my friends a ride, I'm the one who's actually going to owe them big time.
Afterwards, as we tried to nurse his drunkenness and my own throbbing headache, I found out a lot of things, which he more likely wouldn't tell me if he was sober and he probaby never even intended me to know. Here is an excerpt of the few minutes of conversation that we had:
L: I'm so drunk, NYTM.
Me: I know.
L: Andami kong kasalanan sayo, NYTM.
Me: Tulad nang?
L: When I didn't reply to your text right away this afternoon, I was actually with my girlfriend.
Me: I kind of assumed that already.
L: But you're different. I like being with you more.
Me: (Smirks sarcastically) Yeah, right.
L: NYTM, why are we doing this, NYTM?
Me: (Laughs)
L: Don't laugh... Do you love me, NYTM?
Me: (Laughs harder)
L: I'm serious. NYTM, mahal mo ba ako?
Me: (Smiles) At sinong nagsabi sayong mahal kita?
L: Alam kong mahal mo ako. Hindi ka naman makikipagkita sa akin kahit alam mong may girlfriend ako kung hindi mo ako mahal.
Me: (Shrugs shoulder) Siguro nga...
L: Let's get married, NYTM. When do you want to get married?
Me: Year 2008. When I'm 28 and have already passed my Board Exams.
L: Okay. I'll wait... I'm so drunk, NYTM. Live in na lang tayo.
Me: (Laughs even harder)
L: Anakan mo na lang ako.
Me: (Laughs out loud)
L: I'm serious.
Me: You already have a daughter.
L: I want to have a son with you, NYTM.
Me: Ask your other girlfriend for a son.
L: Gusto ko sa'yo. I want to see the fruit of our relationship.
Me: But why me?
L: Because I know you'll take very good care of him.
Me: Let's talk about that some other time. I am not yet ready for that.
L: Then, let's get married, NYTM. When do you want to get married, NYTM? Next week? Next month? Next year? Kahit civil wedding lang muna.
Me: I am not yet ready to get marrried... Besides, why should I marry you? I'm very idealistic when it comes to marriage. If I was to get married, it's going to be with someone whom I'm perfectly sure would be completely faithful to me.
L: Okay... If you don't want to marry me, then let's still see each other even when you're already married, okay?
Me: (Laughs out even louder)
L: Don't laugh. Promise me we'll still see each other even when you're already married, okay?
Me: If you can find me.
L: I'll look for you.
Me: Talaga lang, ha?... You're so drunk.
L: I'm so drunk, NYTM.
Funny the things you find out when you're with drunk people. Their loss of inhibition can be an eye opener. Trust me, I do plan to break things off with him once I find myself a good faithful guy. That is if such a guy actually exists and is not just a fictional character based from fairy tales. And I don't plan to get married soon, have his son nor continue seeing him after I or he gets marrried. Despite what you might think, I still have my limitations. I was just completely amused with the things spewing out of his mouth that night.
So the moral of the story is, don't get drunk. If you think you had too much, vomit it out. Don't drive. Find a bed somewhere and just go to sleep.
Drink moderately.
An extremely drunk Lasa met up with me and a couple of my friends who were out on a gimik, after he himself attended a party with his coworkers. Drunk to the point of no return, he regalled my friends and I with stories about how one time he was so drunk yet he was made the designated driver that he ended up smashing their car on the side of a truck. Thus, despite his ability to drive in a relatively safe speed and recognize the meaning of changing colors of the traffic lights, my friends and I still feared for our life and began calling his car the DeathTrap. From the back seat, away from my boyfriend's watchful eyes, my friends feigned choking me while I smiled at them in the hopes that they will forgive me should anything happen to us. My drunk boyfriend, unaware of what his revelations had stirred in us, continued chatting brazenly, unaware of my embarassment and the fact that by offering my friends a ride, I'm the one who's actually going to owe them big time.
Afterwards, as we tried to nurse his drunkenness and my own throbbing headache, I found out a lot of things, which he more likely wouldn't tell me if he was sober and he probaby never even intended me to know. Here is an excerpt of the few minutes of conversation that we had:
L: I'm so drunk, NYTM.
Me: I know.
L: Andami kong kasalanan sayo, NYTM.
Me: Tulad nang?
L: When I didn't reply to your text right away this afternoon, I was actually with my girlfriend.
Me: I kind of assumed that already.
L: But you're different. I like being with you more.
Me: (Smirks sarcastically) Yeah, right.
L: NYTM, why are we doing this, NYTM?
Me: (Laughs)
L: Don't laugh... Do you love me, NYTM?
Me: (Laughs harder)
L: I'm serious. NYTM, mahal mo ba ako?
Me: (Smiles) At sinong nagsabi sayong mahal kita?
L: Alam kong mahal mo ako. Hindi ka naman makikipagkita sa akin kahit alam mong may girlfriend ako kung hindi mo ako mahal.
Me: (Shrugs shoulder) Siguro nga...
L: Let's get married, NYTM. When do you want to get married?
Me: Year 2008. When I'm 28 and have already passed my Board Exams.
L: Okay. I'll wait... I'm so drunk, NYTM. Live in na lang tayo.
Me: (Laughs even harder)
L: Anakan mo na lang ako.
Me: (Laughs out loud)
L: I'm serious.
Me: You already have a daughter.
L: I want to have a son with you, NYTM.
Me: Ask your other girlfriend for a son.
L: Gusto ko sa'yo. I want to see the fruit of our relationship.
Me: But why me?
L: Because I know you'll take very good care of him.
Me: Let's talk about that some other time. I am not yet ready for that.
L: Then, let's get married, NYTM. When do you want to get married, NYTM? Next week? Next month? Next year? Kahit civil wedding lang muna.
Me: I am not yet ready to get marrried... Besides, why should I marry you? I'm very idealistic when it comes to marriage. If I was to get married, it's going to be with someone whom I'm perfectly sure would be completely faithful to me.
L: Okay... If you don't want to marry me, then let's still see each other even when you're already married, okay?
Me: (Laughs out even louder)
L: Don't laugh. Promise me we'll still see each other even when you're already married, okay?
Me: If you can find me.
L: I'll look for you.
Me: Talaga lang, ha?... You're so drunk.
L: I'm so drunk, NYTM.
Funny the things you find out when you're with drunk people. Their loss of inhibition can be an eye opener. Trust me, I do plan to break things off with him once I find myself a good faithful guy. That is if such a guy actually exists and is not just a fictional character based from fairy tales. And I don't plan to get married soon, have his son nor continue seeing him after I or he gets marrried. Despite what you might think, I still have my limitations. I was just completely amused with the things spewing out of his mouth that night.
So the moral of the story is, don't get drunk. If you think you had too much, vomit it out. Don't drive. Find a bed somewhere and just go to sleep.
Drink moderately.
Ruminations of a Kept Woman
I am a kept woman.
I am not proud of it. But I have to embrace the fact that yes, I am Lasa's kept woman.
Before you start alerting my parents and labeling me a homewrecker, let me get a few facts clear. I am not living in with him and neither is he supporting me financially. I love my independence too much to actually do that. He is neither married, separated or divorced. We do plenty of wholesome things and he does not make me feel like I am his constant booty call. Yet I am aware that he has a girlfriend out there somewhere. And maybe other girls, who knows? And that because of too many unwanted factors, our relationship has to remain a secret to almost everybody.
So, why am I announcing this fact now?
Because I don't want other girls to be in the same state of confusion that I am in right now.
If you see yourself going anywhere near that same path, don't even think about it. Just walk away and don't turn back. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
Being a kept woman has its thrills, yes. Studies reveal that the chemical receptors responsible for that feeling of being inlove last only approximately three to eight months, but because your relationship has no set boundaries, you are constantly in a state of perpetual excitement. Your relationship neither has any limits nor expectations that if he ends up doing something really nice or really sweet, you swoon over the fact that he actually cared enough to do that for you. He is more honest to you than to anyone else. There is no need for anyone of you impress each other thus, you enjoy each other's company while simply being your true self. He surpassses your expectations and constantly surprise you because you never expect him to care for you as much as you care for him.
But you don't really trust him that much. You keep yourself from falling inlove with him even when you know your attempts are futile because you already love him, probably more than he loves you. You presume that when he doesn't text you right away, he could be with his other girlfriend. That no matter how compatible you both are, somebody else has a bigger hold on him. That no matter how sweet and caring he is to you, you are still only his second priority. That even if he did break up with his original girlfriend, some other girl can still come and take up the role you used to portray in his life.
Yes, karma's a bitch.
You both know that eventually what you have will end. You both know that when things get rocky, or the thrill has ended, or things had stopped being fun for both of you, neither of you are actually bound to work hard to still make the relationship work. You cannot delude yourself that you will marry him someday, or else you will only disappoint yourself and get your heart really broken.
The life of a kept woman is sad. Yet I stick it out with him because I have never felt this free and this comfortable in a relationship. Except for a few things, he is my ideal boyfriend.
He is after all the male version of me.
I am not proud of it. But I have to embrace the fact that yes, I am Lasa's kept woman.
Before you start alerting my parents and labeling me a homewrecker, let me get a few facts clear. I am not living in with him and neither is he supporting me financially. I love my independence too much to actually do that. He is neither married, separated or divorced. We do plenty of wholesome things and he does not make me feel like I am his constant booty call. Yet I am aware that he has a girlfriend out there somewhere. And maybe other girls, who knows? And that because of too many unwanted factors, our relationship has to remain a secret to almost everybody.
So, why am I announcing this fact now?
Because I don't want other girls to be in the same state of confusion that I am in right now.
If you see yourself going anywhere near that same path, don't even think about it. Just walk away and don't turn back. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
Being a kept woman has its thrills, yes. Studies reveal that the chemical receptors responsible for that feeling of being inlove last only approximately three to eight months, but because your relationship has no set boundaries, you are constantly in a state of perpetual excitement. Your relationship neither has any limits nor expectations that if he ends up doing something really nice or really sweet, you swoon over the fact that he actually cared enough to do that for you. He is more honest to you than to anyone else. There is no need for anyone of you impress each other thus, you enjoy each other's company while simply being your true self. He surpassses your expectations and constantly surprise you because you never expect him to care for you as much as you care for him.
But you don't really trust him that much. You keep yourself from falling inlove with him even when you know your attempts are futile because you already love him, probably more than he loves you. You presume that when he doesn't text you right away, he could be with his other girlfriend. That no matter how compatible you both are, somebody else has a bigger hold on him. That no matter how sweet and caring he is to you, you are still only his second priority. That even if he did break up with his original girlfriend, some other girl can still come and take up the role you used to portray in his life.
Yes, karma's a bitch.
You both know that eventually what you have will end. You both know that when things get rocky, or the thrill has ended, or things had stopped being fun for both of you, neither of you are actually bound to work hard to still make the relationship work. You cannot delude yourself that you will marry him someday, or else you will only disappoint yourself and get your heart really broken.
The life of a kept woman is sad. Yet I stick it out with him because I have never felt this free and this comfortable in a relationship. Except for a few things, he is my ideal boyfriend.
He is after all the male version of me.
Jerk #5
Everything is finally clear.
I now know where I stand with him.
And I now know more than ever that I should break up with him.
Why the hell can't I?
"NYTM... humihingi na ako sa'yo ng sorry ngayon pa lang kung masasaktan man kita balang araw..." (NYTM, I am asking you for your forgiveness as early as now if I will end up hurting you someday)
I knew there was something wrong in our relationship. Now I know. And it hurts being the one on the other side this time.
So, I want to get drunk tonight or sometime soon and forget about this pain burning inside me. I want to get so drunk that I will not remember what I did during my drunken stupor. I want to get so drunk I will end up making out with the nearest guy my hand could grab on and not remember his name in the morning. I want to get so drunk I'll pass out.
I'm crashing back down to singlehood after only four days of being in a relationship.
Love sucks.
I now know where I stand with him.
And I now know more than ever that I should break up with him.
Why the hell can't I?
"NYTM... humihingi na ako sa'yo ng sorry ngayon pa lang kung masasaktan man kita balang araw..." (NYTM, I am asking you for your forgiveness as early as now if I will end up hurting you someday)
I knew there was something wrong in our relationship. Now I know. And it hurts being the one on the other side this time.
So, I want to get drunk tonight or sometime soon and forget about this pain burning inside me. I want to get so drunk that I will not remember what I did during my drunken stupor. I want to get so drunk I will end up making out with the nearest guy my hand could grab on and not remember his name in the morning. I want to get so drunk I'll pass out.
I'm crashing back down to singlehood after only four days of being in a relationship.
Love sucks.
Advice to Incoming Medical Students
Apparently, by some strange miracle, I am now in my 4th year as a medical student. Therefore, I have survived more than three years of medical school already... Three years!... My God, time flies so fast! Parang kailan lang nasa Ebenezer pa kami nagteteambuilduing where Allen was doing her version of the Exorcist and Ella was experimenting whther the grass is greener on the other side =)
So, considering that I am now - ehem, ehem - wiser and more experienced than most... Hahaha! Feeling!... here is my advice to incoming medical students on how to survive ADeZU School of Medicine.
General
1. Even if you were a consistent valedictorian and you graduated magna or suma cum laude, accept the fact that you are not the smartest one in your class.
2. You will one day experience taking the R1 (Remedial Exams). Deal with it.
3. Balance your time. Ikaw din. Hindi ka makakatulog niyan.
4. Always make it a point to go out, have fun and get wild a least once a month. Trust me. You will not regret it.
5. Get a boyfriend. They will keep you sane while in medical school.
6. If you already have one, accept the fact that the boyfriend you have during 1st year may not be the same person that you'll be with when you graduate... That is, if you do graduate.
7. Not all of you in your class will graduate.
8. Problem-based learning means you only have about two hours of classes per day. This doesn't mean you will not study anymore because it just means you have to do a lot of self-studying.
9. Be nice to the Ates at the photocopy place beside Robert's. They will be your friends for the next five years.
10. Don't try to figure out how the MPL and the alpha-coefficient thing works. It doesn't matter. You will still fail at least one exam.
11. Don't worry about the OSCE. Everybody has failed it at least once.
12. If you can't afford your tuition fee, get a scholarship. If you can, don't even think of applying for a scholarship. You will regret it someday.
13. There will always be someone in your class who rarely studies but aces the exams. If you are one of them, good for you. If not, don't go around making stupid rumors about the person and just accept the fact that you cannot be him/her.
14. Dr. Ric, Dra. Benie and Dr. Florendo are th best research advisers. If you are under any one of them, thank God and offer a mass. If not, work thrice as hard on your research.
15. You will have at least one classmate who is very close to the Admin. If you are one, good for you. If not, don't try to be one. Nobody likes a kiss-up.
16. Be humble. Nobody likes a conceited doctor. Everybody hates a conceited medical student.
17. Don't get a part-time job. Medical school will take up ALL of your time.
18. Study. Study hard.
19. And when you party, party hard.
Community
1. Learn to live without the luxuries of home. Kaya nga community, eh.
2. You will not always have running water.
3. You will not always have a clean CR nor a toilet bowl to sit on.
4. You will not always be able to afford beef and chicken, unless native.
5. You might not even have any electricity.
6. Learn to eat vegetables. Even I did.
7. You will not be able to keep any secrets from your groupmates in the community. They wil eventually know every miniscule detail of your personal life. Deal wih it.
8. Be confident about your body. So you have cellulite, guitar ribs, acne conglomata, warts, manboobs, etcetera... So you don't have a good body. So, what? They don't care. Living with you in the community, you are now no longer an object of desire for them.
Clerkship
1. Learn to survive with only one hour of sleep.
2. Always try to look nice. Nobody listens to an unkempt student doctor.
3. Flirting works. Practice as much as you can.
4. When residents scold you, just accept it and learn from it. Don't ignore it but don't take it to your grave either. Or else, you will have a nervous breakdown.
5. A breakdown of departments:
Surgery - the MALE residents are really nice and very accommodating but the endorsements and the OR assists at 2-4 AM will really make you lose your sleep.
Internal Medicine - Toxic! The residents are okay but the quantity and quality of patients, as well as the numerous ward duties will really make you lose a lot of weight. Bring lots of coffee and sleep whenever you can.
Obstetrics and Gynecology - Routinary work but still your residents will really try to break your spirit. WOF Dr. Buena, tagapag-iyak ng mga clerk yan.
Pedia -The residents are okay, some better than most, so just do your work and you'll do fine.
Opthalmology - Enjoy this one. The gadgets are cute. The residents are really nice.
Orthopedics - Enjoy din. Makes you wonder if it's possible to be an orthopedic surgeon even if you're only 5 feet tall and not built like a tree... Don't fall inlove with Papa Lim by the way. He's ours. Hehehe...
Laboratory - Make sure at least one person stays in your post.
Radiology - Even if you are absent, make sure you sign in the attendance logbook.
6. Learn to rely on coffee/Exra Joss/Coca-cola to keep you awake.
7. Practice safe sex. You kinda lose your credibility as a student doctor if you or your girlfriend is pregnant.
8. Come on time and be honest when logging in. Some residents have eyes at the back of their heads.
9. If you feel sick, stay at home. But do it only once. Payback sucks.
10. If you are asthmatic, bring your inhaler. Better yet, bring a nebulizing kit. You will have at least one attack during clerkship.
11. Be nice to the people in the hospital. The nurses wil give you nicknames if you're rude. The IWs will snub you. And the medtechs will make your life miserable if you annoy them. You will be repeatedly told that clerks are the lowest mammal.
12. Don't refuse a date. It'll be a nice break from all that hospital work.
Apparently, by some strange miracle, I am now in my 4th year as a medical student. Therefore, I have survived more than three years of medical school already... Three years!... My God, time flies so fast! Parang kailan lang nasa Ebenezer pa kami nagteteambuilduing where Allen was doing her version of the Exorcist and Ella was experimenting whther the grass is greener on the other side =)
So, considering that I am now - ehem, ehem - wiser and more experienced than most... Hahaha! Feeling!... here is my advice to incoming medical students on how to survive ADeZU School of Medicine.
General
1. Even if you were a consistent valedictorian and you graduated magna or suma cum laude, accept the fact that you are not the smartest one in your class.
2. You will one day experience taking the R1 (Remedial Exams). Deal with it.
3. Balance your time. Ikaw din. Hindi ka makakatulog niyan.
4. Always make it a point to go out, have fun and get wild a least once a month. Trust me. You will not regret it.
5. Get a boyfriend. They will keep you sane while in medical school.
6. If you already have one, accept the fact that the boyfriend you have during 1st year may not be the same person that you'll be with when you graduate... That is, if you do graduate.
7. Not all of you in your class will graduate.
8. Problem-based learning means you only have about two hours of classes per day. This doesn't mean you will not study anymore because it just means you have to do a lot of self-studying.
9. Be nice to the Ates at the photocopy place beside Robert's. They will be your friends for the next five years.
10. Don't try to figure out how the MPL and the alpha-coefficient thing works. It doesn't matter. You will still fail at least one exam.
11. Don't worry about the OSCE. Everybody has failed it at least once.
12. If you can't afford your tuition fee, get a scholarship. If you can, don't even think of applying for a scholarship. You will regret it someday.
13. There will always be someone in your class who rarely studies but aces the exams. If you are one of them, good for you. If not, don't go around making stupid rumors about the person and just accept the fact that you cannot be him/her.
14. Dr. Ric, Dra. Benie and Dr. Florendo are th best research advisers. If you are under any one of them, thank God and offer a mass. If not, work thrice as hard on your research.
15. You will have at least one classmate who is very close to the Admin. If you are one, good for you. If not, don't try to be one. Nobody likes a kiss-up.
16. Be humble. Nobody likes a conceited doctor. Everybody hates a conceited medical student.
17. Don't get a part-time job. Medical school will take up ALL of your time.
18. Study. Study hard.
19. And when you party, party hard.
Community
1. Learn to live without the luxuries of home. Kaya nga community, eh.
2. You will not always have running water.
3. You will not always have a clean CR nor a toilet bowl to sit on.
4. You will not always be able to afford beef and chicken, unless native.
5. You might not even have any electricity.
6. Learn to eat vegetables. Even I did.
7. You will not be able to keep any secrets from your groupmates in the community. They wil eventually know every miniscule detail of your personal life. Deal wih it.
8. Be confident about your body. So you have cellulite, guitar ribs, acne conglomata, warts, manboobs, etcetera... So you don't have a good body. So, what? They don't care. Living with you in the community, you are now no longer an object of desire for them.
Clerkship
1. Learn to survive with only one hour of sleep.
2. Always try to look nice. Nobody listens to an unkempt student doctor.
3. Flirting works. Practice as much as you can.
4. When residents scold you, just accept it and learn from it. Don't ignore it but don't take it to your grave either. Or else, you will have a nervous breakdown.
5. A breakdown of departments:
Surgery - the MALE residents are really nice and very accommodating but the endorsements and the OR assists at 2-4 AM will really make you lose your sleep.
Internal Medicine - Toxic! The residents are okay but the quantity and quality of patients, as well as the numerous ward duties will really make you lose a lot of weight. Bring lots of coffee and sleep whenever you can.
Obstetrics and Gynecology - Routinary work but still your residents will really try to break your spirit. WOF Dr. Buena, tagapag-iyak ng mga clerk yan.
Pedia -The residents are okay, some better than most, so just do your work and you'll do fine.
Opthalmology - Enjoy this one. The gadgets are cute. The residents are really nice.
Orthopedics - Enjoy din. Makes you wonder if it's possible to be an orthopedic surgeon even if you're only 5 feet tall and not built like a tree... Don't fall inlove with Papa Lim by the way. He's ours. Hehehe...
Laboratory - Make sure at least one person stays in your post.
Radiology - Even if you are absent, make sure you sign in the attendance logbook.
6. Learn to rely on coffee/Exra Joss/Coca-cola to keep you awake.
7. Practice safe sex. You kinda lose your credibility as a student doctor if you or your girlfriend is pregnant.
8. Come on time and be honest when logging in. Some residents have eyes at the back of their heads.
9. If you feel sick, stay at home. But do it only once. Payback sucks.
10. If you are asthmatic, bring your inhaler. Better yet, bring a nebulizing kit. You will have at least one attack during clerkship.
11. Be nice to the people in the hospital. The nurses wil give you nicknames if you're rude. The IWs will snub you. And the medtechs will make your life miserable if you annoy them. You will be repeatedly told that clerks are the lowest mammal.
12. Don't refuse a date. It'll be a nice break from all that hospital work.
The Amazing Surgeon
I read about a surgeon who was operating on a young boy, who in the middle of his surgery, needed a blood transfusion imediately. So, the surgeon scrubbed out, donated his own blood, ate a bagel, scrubbed in again and proceeded to continue doing the life-saving operation.
Amazing, dont you think?
I read about a surgeon who was operating on a young boy, who in the middle of his surgery, needed a blood transfusion imediately. So, the surgeon scrubbed out, donated his own blood, ate a bagel, scrubbed in again and proceeded to continue doing the life-saving operation.
Amazing, dont you think?
Things I Should Do Before Leaving for The Community
Things I Should Do Before Leaving for Liloy... which I haven't done and may not even come around to doing so anymore.
1. Buy dermatograph.
I did try. Apparently, the entire Zamboanga City has ran out of yellow dermatograph.
2. Work on my Research Proposal.
3. Meet with my Research adviser.
It would be useless if I haven't worked on my research proposal.
4. Work on last semesters updates for the Comprehensive Health Plan.
Sorry, my Silucap groupmates. Nakalimutan ko na 'to. Hehehe... Naging busy na kasi ang Mamae niyo with clerkship.
5. Buy Board Review Series books.
Kaso wala pa akong pera.
6. Ask him about the status of relationship
Multiple choice. Is this:
A.) exclusive?
B.) open?
C.) closed?
D.) serious?
E.) fling?
7. Trust him.
8. Tell my parents about him.
9. Tell him I've fallen in love with him
10. Break up with him.
Things I Should Do Before Leaving for Liloy... which I haven't done and may not even come around to doing so anymore.
1. Buy dermatograph.
I did try. Apparently, the entire Zamboanga City has ran out of yellow dermatograph.
2. Work on my Research Proposal.
3. Meet with my Research adviser.
It would be useless if I haven't worked on my research proposal.
4. Work on last semesters updates for the Comprehensive Health Plan.
Sorry, my Silucap groupmates. Nakalimutan ko na 'to. Hehehe... Naging busy na kasi ang Mamae niyo with clerkship.
5. Buy Board Review Series books.
Kaso wala pa akong pera.
6. Ask him about the status of relationship
Multiple choice. Is this:
A.) exclusive?
B.) open?
C.) closed?
D.) serious?
E.) fling?
7. Trust him.
8. Tell my parents about him.
9. Tell him I've fallen in love with him
10. Break up with him.
Keeping Him A Secret
Maybe it's because it has been a long time since I had a boyfriend, but I am feeling very lost in this new relationship with Lasa. I don't know what to do. I analyze everything too much. I keep assuming things. For example, knowing his job, I thought he'll be too busy to text me at all so I don't bother to text him, unless he texts me first. But I was wrong and apparently, if we can't see each other in a day, we're supposed to text each other as much as the number of times that we eat in a day, plus before going to sleep... Is this really how it's supposed to be?
Thankfully, he's not the type to make a big deal out of nothing - which is good for me, because I'm the total opposite. Hehehe - and he doesn't get mad if I wasn't able to text him at all.
Nice, no? He certainly is surpassing all my expectations.
We met a few hours ago, he picked me up from the hospital and brought me home. I was semi-bullied into letting him into the house (I don't usually do that with guys I date, unless I'm 100% sure that the relationship is serious) and he met my younger brother... Wish me luck when my brother tells my parents about him tonight and they start asking questions about him. It certainly won't be pretty.
On the way, he asked me a lot of questions and he seemed vey interested to know things about me. I honestly don't know why. My life is very basic and very boring. We even got to a point that he thought it would be best if we got married after my Board Exams... I just smiled but inside, I'm like Whhaaaaat? We're discussing marriage now when I don't even know if it's okay if people know that we're seeing each other? And what about other things to consider? Seriously, is he crazy?
Okay, I admit. It was a sweet thought. What girl doesn't swoon when a guy she likes thinks of marrying her? Pero ang bilis naman ata...
And speaking of letting other people know, I think he's waiting for me to make that decision, which would be more difficult considering that I have never been this confused in a relationship. I would rather he make that decision himself and I follow. Hehehe... He did ask me if my friend knew that I was going home with him. I told him no.
Actually she did. And she's the only one who knows.
Do you honestly think that I can survive with this dilemma on my own? Of course not! I still need a sounding board and at least one friend to tell me to just enjoy what's happening and not to analyze it too much.
I honestly don't know what to do.
If I was sure that this is just a fling, I might know better what to do. But I don't. Because what we have is turning out to be an actual relationship. And actual relationship means that I'm not supposed to be keeping him as a secret.
I guess I'm a little afraid of what people might think. I knew my parents will be totally against it. My friends may accept it but they would be giving me warnings left and right. And in the end, the pressure might cause me to break down and break it off with him.
I don't want to do that.
You see, he is starting to grow on me.
I think I might be inlove with him.
Thankfully, he's not the type to make a big deal out of nothing - which is good for me, because I'm the total opposite. Hehehe - and he doesn't get mad if I wasn't able to text him at all.
Nice, no? He certainly is surpassing all my expectations.
We met a few hours ago, he picked me up from the hospital and brought me home. I was semi-bullied into letting him into the house (I don't usually do that with guys I date, unless I'm 100% sure that the relationship is serious) and he met my younger brother... Wish me luck when my brother tells my parents about him tonight and they start asking questions about him. It certainly won't be pretty.
On the way, he asked me a lot of questions and he seemed vey interested to know things about me. I honestly don't know why. My life is very basic and very boring. We even got to a point that he thought it would be best if we got married after my Board Exams... I just smiled but inside, I'm like Whhaaaaat? We're discussing marriage now when I don't even know if it's okay if people know that we're seeing each other? And what about other things to consider? Seriously, is he crazy?
Okay, I admit. It was a sweet thought. What girl doesn't swoon when a guy she likes thinks of marrying her? Pero ang bilis naman ata...
And speaking of letting other people know, I think he's waiting for me to make that decision, which would be more difficult considering that I have never been this confused in a relationship. I would rather he make that decision himself and I follow. Hehehe... He did ask me if my friend knew that I was going home with him. I told him no.
Actually she did. And she's the only one who knows.
Do you honestly think that I can survive with this dilemma on my own? Of course not! I still need a sounding board and at least one friend to tell me to just enjoy what's happening and not to analyze it too much.
I honestly don't know what to do.
If I was sure that this is just a fling, I might know better what to do. But I don't. Because what we have is turning out to be an actual relationship. And actual relationship means that I'm not supposed to be keeping him as a secret.
I guess I'm a little afraid of what people might think. I knew my parents will be totally against it. My friends may accept it but they would be giving me warnings left and right. And in the end, the pressure might cause me to break down and break it off with him.
I don't want to do that.
You see, he is starting to grow on me.
I think I might be inlove with him.
My Horoscope for the Day
I had quite a laugh when I read this. If horoscopes are true, then I guess, I'm so totally headed for trouble.
Dear mae,
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Wednesday, May 31:
If there's someone you've been out with once or twice whom you're not sure of, you may find yourself growing more attached as the day goes on. It's a good time to expand your romantic vocabulary.
I'm going out with him tomorrow. Wish me luck.
I had quite a laugh when I read this. If horoscopes are true, then I guess, I'm so totally headed for trouble.
Dear mae,
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Wednesday, May 31:
If there's someone you've been out with once or twice whom you're not sure of, you may find yourself growing more attached as the day goes on. It's a good time to expand your romantic vocabulary.
I'm going out with him tomorrow. Wish me luck.
I am SO not ready for this
This has been the most confusing day of my life.
You know how I've always wished for something incredible to happen to me, like something that will spice up my currently barren lovelife? A new boyfriend, perhaps? Someone nice who will sweep me of my feet? Public displays of affection from someone I really liked?
Well, It has happened today. And despite all the confusion surrounding this extremely unorthodox method of rearranging one's already decimated lovelife, I only know that I have doubts regarding if I'm happy that I actually got what I wanted.
You see, I am now the other half of a fling.
You ask, how the hell do I know that it is a fling and not the real thing when actually I've never been in this road before? Do I consider myself a fling afficionado when my experience is limited to having only heard tales of these things happening to other people? Did we both actually agree that this is just a fling?
Well, we didn't actually. As a matter of fact, Lasa* told me that he has fallen for me. I on the other hand, didn't say much in return. Obviously, I'm playing safe.
Trust me. I would not go into all the shocking details but with all that has happened to me in one day, this certainly categorizes itself to nothing but a short-time fling.
Now, the question is, what the hell do I do about it? Do I actually allow myself to go on a set date with him, when I'm afraid of whatever might happen? Do flings involve a lot of sex? (Ha! What a question!) When I leave for the community, are we still "on"? Do I actually introduce him to my parents, like he wants me to? Should I be open to the possibility that this might be the true love that I had waited for? Do I let it go on until one of us gets hurt, particularly me?
Things are going way too fast for me. Yesterday, I was single, still cursing my ex-boyfriend and his homewrecking new gilfriend. Now, I apparently have a so-called boyfriend which I'm still not ready to introduce to my friends yet... So, it goes without saying that relatives, med classmates, highschool clasmates and residents of Zamboanga City, don't bug me about who he is yet because I'm still really new at this.
It feels great being with him but...
I am so not ready for this.
Help! Any bit of advice will be very much welcomed particularly from those who have had experience with flings in the past.
You know how I've always wished for something incredible to happen to me, like something that will spice up my currently barren lovelife? A new boyfriend, perhaps? Someone nice who will sweep me of my feet? Public displays of affection from someone I really liked?
Well, It has happened today. And despite all the confusion surrounding this extremely unorthodox method of rearranging one's already decimated lovelife, I only know that I have doubts regarding if I'm happy that I actually got what I wanted.
You see, I am now the other half of a fling.
You ask, how the hell do I know that it is a fling and not the real thing when actually I've never been in this road before? Do I consider myself a fling afficionado when my experience is limited to having only heard tales of these things happening to other people? Did we both actually agree that this is just a fling?
Well, we didn't actually. As a matter of fact, Lasa* told me that he has fallen for me. I on the other hand, didn't say much in return. Obviously, I'm playing safe.
Trust me. I would not go into all the shocking details but with all that has happened to me in one day, this certainly categorizes itself to nothing but a short-time fling.
Now, the question is, what the hell do I do about it? Do I actually allow myself to go on a set date with him, when I'm afraid of whatever might happen? Do flings involve a lot of sex? (Ha! What a question!) When I leave for the community, are we still "on"? Do I actually introduce him to my parents, like he wants me to? Should I be open to the possibility that this might be the true love that I had waited for? Do I let it go on until one of us gets hurt, particularly me?
Things are going way too fast for me. Yesterday, I was single, still cursing my ex-boyfriend and his homewrecking new gilfriend. Now, I apparently have a so-called boyfriend which I'm still not ready to introduce to my friends yet... So, it goes without saying that relatives, med classmates, highschool clasmates and residents of Zamboanga City, don't bug me about who he is yet because I'm still really new at this.
It feels great being with him but...
I am so not ready for this.
Help! Any bit of advice will be very much welcomed particularly from those who have had experience with flings in the past.
Declaring War with the Ex-Boyfriend
Trying to improve my Friends list in my friendster, I decided to look at the friends list of those already in my friends list. I then came across the profile of this girl in medical school - we'll call her OB Girl - who was one year older than me, whom I spent one 24 hour duty together during one of my OB-Gyne paybacks. Thinking that that already qualified her to be in my friends list, I was about to click on "add as friend" when I remembered one very vital information.
OB Girl and my ex-boyfriend, WrongAtAllLevels, were classmates in college and they were very good friends actually.
My mind was in turmoil. I was so confused that I was practically having a conversation with my own conscience.
Conscience: What do you care that they're friends? Go on and add her to your friends list.
Me: But what if he sees me in her friends list? I don't think he'd like that.
Conscience: What do you care what he likes? You hate him, remember?
Me: Yeah, but...
Conscience: He doesn't own OB Girl nor her friendship. Why should you limit the people you are friends with just because you and WrongAtAllLevels aren't good friends?
Me: I know Wrong. He will not like this at all.
Conscience: Well, he doesn't like a lot of things. The only things he likes are 24-hour sex and that stupid dream of his of being a rockstar.
Me: But--
In my mind, conscience won over me. But unlike conscience, I had the faculties to accomplish things. So, I decided to check out OB Girl's friends list and see if WrongAtAllLevel's name would be listed on the same page as my own should I decide to add OB Girl's name on my friends list.
With my name and WrongAtAllLevel's name both starting with the same two letters, I guess we all know the answer to that.
Yes, we would both end up on the same page. There would be no way that he wouldn't see my name because it was too long and my photo will be separated from his by only 4-5 other photos. The candid photo of myself posing on top of my Harrison's Internal Medicine book would be pitted against his photo of his 27 year old self and his 16 year old girlfriend, probably taken a few months back considering that she didn't look very pregnant yet.
For a photo cofrontation, I was surely going to lose this one.
Where are new boyfriends-for-hire when you need one?
OB Girl's yours, you f**kin' craddlesnatcher. I don't need her name on my friends list nor do I need any hint nor tinge of your crappiness. Now excuse me, I need to go and wash off the 2 years of SHIT and CRAP that you have saddled on my god-forsaken shoulders.
OB Girl and my ex-boyfriend, WrongAtAllLevels, were classmates in college and they were very good friends actually.
My mind was in turmoil. I was so confused that I was practically having a conversation with my own conscience.
Conscience: What do you care that they're friends? Go on and add her to your friends list.
Me: But what if he sees me in her friends list? I don't think he'd like that.
Conscience: What do you care what he likes? You hate him, remember?
Me: Yeah, but...
Conscience: He doesn't own OB Girl nor her friendship. Why should you limit the people you are friends with just because you and WrongAtAllLevels aren't good friends?
Me: I know Wrong. He will not like this at all.
Conscience: Well, he doesn't like a lot of things. The only things he likes are 24-hour sex and that stupid dream of his of being a rockstar.
Me: But--
In my mind, conscience won over me. But unlike conscience, I had the faculties to accomplish things. So, I decided to check out OB Girl's friends list and see if WrongAtAllLevel's name would be listed on the same page as my own should I decide to add OB Girl's name on my friends list.
With my name and WrongAtAllLevel's name both starting with the same two letters, I guess we all know the answer to that.
Yes, we would both end up on the same page. There would be no way that he wouldn't see my name because it was too long and my photo will be separated from his by only 4-5 other photos. The candid photo of myself posing on top of my Harrison's Internal Medicine book would be pitted against his photo of his 27 year old self and his 16 year old girlfriend, probably taken a few months back considering that she didn't look very pregnant yet.
For a photo cofrontation, I was surely going to lose this one.
Where are new boyfriends-for-hire when you need one?
OB Girl's yours, you f**kin' craddlesnatcher. I don't need her name on my friends list nor do I need any hint nor tinge of your crappiness. Now excuse me, I need to go and wash off the 2 years of SHIT and CRAP that you have saddled on my god-forsaken shoulders.
I won't say I'm inlove
If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history-been there, done that!
I'm lost. I certainly cannot explain it. I have had this stupid grin plastered on my face for the past few days. A certain bounce can be seen on my steps. Everywhere I pass, the flowers bow down in grace, the grass becomes greener and the whole world is splashed with color. Most importantly, my feet do not touch the ground.
Why the hell is this happening to me?
I can't remember any significant event that happened lately.
Well, maybe except for THAT.
But I've already analyzed that incident in my mind way too many times. I figured, it was the thrill of doing something extraordinary, something that brought out mixed feelings within you, something that only you and this person shared... it was that which made it so much more attractive, so much more addictive. There was nothing more to it but a quick surge of adrenaline from the rush of the secrecy, the hidden possibility of something special and a few minutes of lunacy.
You certainly cannot call that love.
Who'd'ya think you're kidding
He's the earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of
You see, nakipagholding hands ako.
And when I say holding hands, I mean a few minutes of hand-holding while walking, fingers clasped between those webspaces, with matching good conversation and occasionally staring into each other's eyes, professing how much you missed each other. I was shocked when he did that but a strange feeling that I cannot fathom was overcoming me back then, and it made me forget everyting else, except for the electricity brought about by the touch of his hand with my own.
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
You swoon, you sigh,
Why deny it? Uh-oh!
It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love
You may say, "Ang babaw naman ng kaligayahan ng babaeng ito? Akala ko pa naman, hinalikan na niya." Or the tactless one among you may say, "Hell, NYTM, you've done a lot more far worse than hold hands with your highschool classmates."
And on that note, "Hello RJ! Miss you, my friend!"
Back to the topic at hand. Before you start dismissing me as making deal about nothing and clicking at that X at the upper right corner to shut down your monitor and turn off your PC, hear me out first.
Although I like this guy, THIS GUY ISN'T MY BOYFRIEND.
Actually, he isn't even courting me. And I am still at that phase where with every guy I meet, I'm thinking "Should I, Should I not, Should I, Should I not?" Personally, I don't think we're going anywhere near that road to coupledom.
As a matter of fact, this guy has a girlriend.
I thought my heart had learnt its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
So, you're thinking, "Ano na naman itong pinasukan mo? Me syota na pala yang kinekereng-keng mo! Di ka pa natuto sa nangyario sa'yo."
Well, in the first place, I don't know why this guy is always flirting with me. I look average compared to most of the girls I know, and although my boobs maybe at the head of the race, next to Nor (Hehehe... Friends tayo, Nor!) still, I was not gifted with a 24-inch waistline to better showcase those milk pillows. Second, I have never initiated anything with this guy. He texts me, so I text back. He tells me he misses me, so I reply that I miss him too. He holds my hand, so therefore, I hold them back. Third, I know he has a girlfriend and that is why I have never allowed him anything more than that brief palmar-to-palmar contact.
Before you start lecturing me on karma, in fairness, I did not allow him to kiss me when he asked for it. I have my limitations as well.
Besides, I didn't want him to.
Oh, you keep on denying
Who you are and how you feel
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad
Okay, fine, I admit! I wanted him to! It was my utter inability to flirt back that made me lose the courage to let him kiss me, that which made me stop myself from leaning forward and getting that long-awaited lip action.
No chance, no way,
I won't say it
Give up, give in
Check the grin, you're in love
This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love
You're doing flips
Read our lips, you're in love
But you know what? Personally, I think the reason why the whole incident with him mattered so much to me was because he gave me the only thing I missed about having a boyfriend:
A few minutes of "public" displays of affection.
You're way off base,
I won't say it
Get off my case,
I won't say it
Plus, that thrill of doing something secret, something forbidden, something that was only between the two of us... that uncertainty, that hidden possibility, the feeling that you have lost total control of yourself... the whole package... it was all very addictive.
Girl, don't be proud
It's okay, you're in love
Oh, at least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love
It certainly had nothing to do with love...
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history-been there, done that!
I'm lost. I certainly cannot explain it. I have had this stupid grin plastered on my face for the past few days. A certain bounce can be seen on my steps. Everywhere I pass, the flowers bow down in grace, the grass becomes greener and the whole world is splashed with color. Most importantly, my feet do not touch the ground.
Why the hell is this happening to me?
I can't remember any significant event that happened lately.
Well, maybe except for THAT.
But I've already analyzed that incident in my mind way too many times. I figured, it was the thrill of doing something extraordinary, something that brought out mixed feelings within you, something that only you and this person shared... it was that which made it so much more attractive, so much more addictive. There was nothing more to it but a quick surge of adrenaline from the rush of the secrecy, the hidden possibility of something special and a few minutes of lunacy.
You certainly cannot call that love.
Who'd'ya think you're kidding
He's the earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of
You see, nakipagholding hands ako.And when I say holding hands, I mean a few minutes of hand-holding while walking, fingers clasped between those webspaces, with matching good conversation and occasionally staring into each other's eyes, professing how much you missed each other. I was shocked when he did that but a strange feeling that I cannot fathom was overcoming me back then, and it made me forget everyting else, except for the electricity brought about by the touch of his hand with my own.
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
You swoon, you sigh,
Why deny it? Uh-oh!
It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love
You may say, "Ang babaw naman ng kaligayahan ng babaeng ito? Akala ko pa naman, hinalikan na niya." Or the tactless one among you may say, "Hell, NYTM, you've done a lot more far worse than hold hands with your highschool classmates."
And on that note, "Hello RJ! Miss you, my friend!"
Back to the topic at hand. Before you start dismissing me as making deal about nothing and clicking at that X at the upper right corner to shut down your monitor and turn off your PC, hear me out first.
Although I like this guy, THIS GUY ISN'T MY BOYFRIEND.
Actually, he isn't even courting me. And I am still at that phase where with every guy I meet, I'm thinking "Should I, Should I not, Should I, Should I not?" Personally, I don't think we're going anywhere near that road to coupledom.
As a matter of fact, this guy has a girlriend.
I thought my heart had learnt its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
So, you're thinking, "Ano na naman itong pinasukan mo? Me syota na pala yang kinekereng-keng mo! Di ka pa natuto sa nangyario sa'yo."
Well, in the first place, I don't know why this guy is always flirting with me. I look average compared to most of the girls I know, and although my boobs maybe at the head of the race, next to Nor (Hehehe... Friends tayo, Nor!) still, I was not gifted with a 24-inch waistline to better showcase those milk pillows. Second, I have never initiated anything with this guy. He texts me, so I text back. He tells me he misses me, so I reply that I miss him too. He holds my hand, so therefore, I hold them back. Third, I know he has a girlfriend and that is why I have never allowed him anything more than that brief palmar-to-palmar contact.
Before you start lecturing me on karma, in fairness, I did not allow him to kiss me when he asked for it. I have my limitations as well.
Besides, I didn't want him to.
Oh, you keep on denying
Who you are and how you feel
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad
Okay, fine, I admit! I wanted him to! It was my utter inability to flirt back that made me lose the courage to let him kiss me, that which made me stop myself from leaning forward and getting that long-awaited lip action.
No chance, no way,
I won't say it
Give up, give in
Check the grin, you're in love
This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love
You're doing flips
Read our lips, you're in love
But you know what? Personally, I think the reason why the whole incident with him mattered so much to me was because he gave me the only thing I missed about having a boyfriend:
A few minutes of "public" displays of affection.
You're way off base,
I won't say it
Get off my case,
I won't say it
Plus, that thrill of doing something secret, something forbidden, something that was only between the two of us... that uncertainty, that hidden possibility, the feeling that you have lost total control of yourself... the whole package... it was all very addictive.
Girl, don't be proud
It's okay, you're in love
Oh, at least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love
It certainly had nothing to do with love...
Maraming Salamat
In highschool, I got my lowest grade in Filipino. Apparently, I sucked in speaking Tagalog. So here goes nothing:
Sa lahat ng mga taong nagbabasa at nagsusulat sa blog ko, maraming maraming maraming salamat. Ang akala ko, walang nagbabasa ng blog ko kung hindi ako.
Andu baysab...
Pero dahil sa inyo, aking nabatid na meron din naman palang mga sumusubaybay nito...
Sana ipagpatuloy niyo pa ang pagtatangkilik sa blog ko. At huwag kayong mag-alala. Pagbubutihin ko pa ang pagsusulat ko dito.
Hanggang sa muli.
So, how was that for someone who sucked in Tagalog? =)
In highschool, I got my lowest grade in Filipino. Apparently, I sucked in speaking Tagalog. So here goes nothing:
Sa lahat ng mga taong nagbabasa at nagsusulat sa blog ko, maraming maraming maraming salamat. Ang akala ko, walang nagbabasa ng blog ko kung hindi ako.
Andu baysab...
Pero dahil sa inyo, aking nabatid na meron din naman palang mga sumusubaybay nito...
Sana ipagpatuloy niyo pa ang pagtatangkilik sa blog ko. At huwag kayong mag-alala. Pagbubutihin ko pa ang pagsusulat ko dito.
Hanggang sa muli.
So, how was that for someone who sucked in Tagalog? =)
Monday, May 22, 2006
Paybacks
I will be missing online for the next few days. This is my schedule for this week:
April 23 8 AM - April 24 3 AM OB-Gyne Payback
April 24 8 AM - 10 AM Surgery Payback
April 25 8 AM - April 26 8 AM Internal Medicine Payback
If you need me, just look for me at ZCMC. I'm the skin and bones (Ha! I wish!) hiding behind the oily face, Rexona-has-let-me-down armpits, ink-covered fully-furnished blazer pockets or lochia-stinking scrub suit, sprinting aound the hallowed hallways, doing the dirty jobs that the residents, pre-residents and PGIs think are so totally beneath them.
Welcome to MY post-clerkship party.
I will be missing online for the next few days. This is my schedule for this week:
April 23 8 AM - April 24 3 AM OB-Gyne Payback
April 24 8 AM - 10 AM Surgery Payback
April 25 8 AM - April 26 8 AM Internal Medicine Payback
If you need me, just look for me at ZCMC. I'm the skin and bones (Ha! I wish!) hiding behind the oily face, Rexona-has-let-me-down armpits, ink-covered fully-furnished blazer pockets or lochia-stinking scrub suit, sprinting aound the hallowed hallways, doing the dirty jobs that the residents, pre-residents and PGIs think are so totally beneath them.
Welcome to MY post-clerkship party.
The Research Proposal Presentation Telenovela
I had presented my research proposal today. Two OHP slides later and a barrage of disparaging comments had been thrown into my face.
"Why don't you think of another topic instead?"
I was about to devise a way how to make a torade of feminine tears fall ceremoniously down my face when in comes the saviour of mankind.
Or as we fondly call her, Dr. Bernadette Chua-Macrohon.
Fighting crime, trying to save the world. Here they come just in time...
"I have a suggestion. Why don't you change your methodology to a case-control study with NFP acceptors and non-NP acceptors..."
There is a God.
Because of the difficulties regarding the suggested modification of my paper, she has decided to take me under her wing. So, I am now under the supervision of one of the best research advisers provided by the school.
You are now officially looking at a girl who, despite lacking the skills and the exuberance to make a good research and having submitted a haphazardly written research proposal for the sake of having something to pass, has succeeded in making things go to her advantage.
God still looks after girls like me after all. Hehehe...
I had presented my research proposal today. Two OHP slides later and a barrage of disparaging comments had been thrown into my face.
"Why don't you think of another topic instead?"
I was about to devise a way how to make a torade of feminine tears fall ceremoniously down my face when in comes the saviour of mankind.
Or as we fondly call her, Dr. Bernadette Chua-Macrohon.
Fighting crime, trying to save the world. Here they come just in time...
"I have a suggestion. Why don't you change your methodology to a case-control study with NFP acceptors and non-NP acceptors..."
There is a God.
Because of the difficulties regarding the suggested modification of my paper, she has decided to take me under her wing. So, I am now under the supervision of one of the best research advisers provided by the school.
You are now officially looking at a girl who, despite lacking the skills and the exuberance to make a good research and having submitted a haphazardly written research proposal for the sake of having something to pass, has succeeded in making things go to her advantage.
God still looks after girls like me after all. Hehehe...
Tales of a Girl Wearing a Short White Skirt
What is it about short white skirts that make every heterosexual male in the room look twice, convert even the most decent guy to a blustering idiot and make him lose all his inane capacity to think with his upper brain?
Saturday morning. I felt like waring a short white skirt as I passed my research proposal. I figured, even if my paper sucked, well, at least I looked GOOOOD. Upon seeing my attire, my Mom asked if I was going on a date. As if I needed the excuse of a date to wear a skirt.
Flashback to year 2002 when I was with this ex-boyfriend, Acne Vulgaris, who DEMANDED that I wear a skirt when we're together. He apparently didn't want to be mistakenly seen making out with a guy... Yeah, right. Blame your identity confusion to me, you closet bisexual, you!
Another flashback to year 2004 when I was with another ex-boyfriend, WrongAtAllLevels, who oggled me like I was dessert on the menu everytime I wore that short white skirt. We usually ended up doing a lot of hand wrestling, with him wanting to crawl his hands up my skirt and me trying to fend him off... Yes, I was dating an adolescent-still-trapped-in-a man's-body back then.
Of course, that didn't stop me from wearing that skirt when I was with him. Hehehe...
Going back to that fateful Saturday morning, as I paraded myself on the hallowed hallways of ZCMC, Maroon 5* saw me. "Uy, sexy, ah."
"Thanks," I replied, feigning a blush to suggest innocence. As if I didn't intentionally mean to look sexy but I just ended up that way by accident.
Yeah, right. I'm such a slut. I admit it. Big freakin' deal.
Another male resident called my attention, "Girl na girl tayo, ah."
"Girl naman po talaga ako, doc."
Oh, come on. Am I really that boyish that I need to wear a short white skirt to prove that I was born with no Y chromosome? So I know I don't really come out as the most feminine of creatures. When I wear pants, people think I'm boyish. I used to think it was the way I walked so I decided to retrain my gait and walk with a slight swaggle of my butt. It apparently didn't work at all because an OB resident still thought that I was actually a lesbian.
Me, a lesbian? Yeah, that would be the day.
Cute IW* actually stopped in his tracks and spent about 5 minutes making small talk with me, telling me I had sex appeal, while being touchy-feely all of a sudden... This short whie skirt is apparently geting me a LOT of male - wanted and unwanted - attention.
And it sure wasn't going to end there.
By evening, Maroon 5 texted me and apologized for not being able to pay more attention to me that morning because he was busy and that I was, and I quote "so pretty".
Hmmm... isn't this short white skirt amazing?
Sunday. Inspired by the day's events, I decided to wear the said skirt again the next day at a night out with a couple of my girlfriends. My brother saw me and said I looked ike a porn star...
I figured, what does he know? He's only 13.
As I walked into he restaurant, I could feel all eyes on me. Man, this skirt really is a guy magnet. Even when we transferred to another bar, the skirt was still letting its magical powers be known. I mean, I wasn't gifted with fabulous long legs and instead of gazelle-like thighs, I stood on two slabs of cellulite that apparently passed off as my lower extremities. But still, the short white skirt was working its magic on me like it was Blusang Itim and I was Snooky Serna.
And so I sashayed and sashayed in the magical short white skirt like Cinderella at a ball until it was time to go.
As I stood outsie the bar while one of my my friends talked privately with her boyfriend, I suddenly began to feel queasy. And nauseaous. And incredibly sick.
BWWWAAAAAAAARRRRRKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!
Repeat that four times with a 1-2 minute interval in between.
I had puked out everything that had passed into my gastointestinal system that night. Pieces of Chicken barbeque, rice, Potato mojos, onion rings, salted peanuts, mixed with water, Clam soup, Coke Light, San Miguel Beer Lights, all swam in a huge barf puddle at the sidewalk infront of my friend's boyfriend's bar. I had actually vomited after two freakin' bottles of light beer, while a bunch of dirty old men trying to get drunk stared at me and my friends watched me in disbelief, with their mouths wide agape.
What poise I had gathered wearing that short white skirt was now lost and replaced by embarassment and utter humiliation. Whatever admirers I had garnered with that short white skirt had now mysteriously disappeared after seeing that fateful incident.
Oh, well...
We did have a lot of fun, my short white skirt and I.
See you after the next washing.
*not their real name
Saturday morning. I felt like waring a short white skirt as I passed my research proposal. I figured, even if my paper sucked, well, at least I looked GOOOOD. Upon seeing my attire, my Mom asked if I was going on a date. As if I needed the excuse of a date to wear a skirt.
Flashback to year 2002 when I was with this ex-boyfriend, Acne Vulgaris, who DEMANDED that I wear a skirt when we're together. He apparently didn't want to be mistakenly seen making out with a guy... Yeah, right. Blame your identity confusion to me, you closet bisexual, you!
Another flashback to year 2004 when I was with another ex-boyfriend, WrongAtAllLevels, who oggled me like I was dessert on the menu everytime I wore that short white skirt. We usually ended up doing a lot of hand wrestling, with him wanting to crawl his hands up my skirt and me trying to fend him off... Yes, I was dating an adolescent-still-trapped-in-a man's-body back then.
Of course, that didn't stop me from wearing that skirt when I was with him. Hehehe...
Going back to that fateful Saturday morning, as I paraded myself on the hallowed hallways of ZCMC, Maroon 5* saw me. "Uy, sexy, ah."
"Thanks," I replied, feigning a blush to suggest innocence. As if I didn't intentionally mean to look sexy but I just ended up that way by accident.
Yeah, right. I'm such a slut. I admit it. Big freakin' deal.
Another male resident called my attention, "Girl na girl tayo, ah."
"Girl naman po talaga ako, doc."
Oh, come on. Am I really that boyish that I need to wear a short white skirt to prove that I was born with no Y chromosome? So I know I don't really come out as the most feminine of creatures. When I wear pants, people think I'm boyish. I used to think it was the way I walked so I decided to retrain my gait and walk with a slight swaggle of my butt. It apparently didn't work at all because an OB resident still thought that I was actually a lesbian.
Me, a lesbian? Yeah, that would be the day.
Cute IW* actually stopped in his tracks and spent about 5 minutes making small talk with me, telling me I had sex appeal, while being touchy-feely all of a sudden... This short whie skirt is apparently geting me a LOT of male - wanted and unwanted - attention.
And it sure wasn't going to end there.
By evening, Maroon 5 texted me and apologized for not being able to pay more attention to me that morning because he was busy and that I was, and I quote "so pretty".
Hmmm... isn't this short white skirt amazing?
Sunday. Inspired by the day's events, I decided to wear the said skirt again the next day at a night out with a couple of my girlfriends. My brother saw me and said I looked ike a porn star...
I figured, what does he know? He's only 13.
As I walked into he restaurant, I could feel all eyes on me. Man, this skirt really is a guy magnet. Even when we transferred to another bar, the skirt was still letting its magical powers be known. I mean, I wasn't gifted with fabulous long legs and instead of gazelle-like thighs, I stood on two slabs of cellulite that apparently passed off as my lower extremities. But still, the short white skirt was working its magic on me like it was Blusang Itim and I was Snooky Serna.
And so I sashayed and sashayed in the magical short white skirt like Cinderella at a ball until it was time to go.
As I stood outsie the bar while one of my my friends talked privately with her boyfriend, I suddenly began to feel queasy. And nauseaous. And incredibly sick.
BWWWAAAAAAAARRRRRKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!
Repeat that four times with a 1-2 minute interval in between.
I had puked out everything that had passed into my gastointestinal system that night. Pieces of Chicken barbeque, rice, Potato mojos, onion rings, salted peanuts, mixed with water, Clam soup, Coke Light, San Miguel Beer Lights, all swam in a huge barf puddle at the sidewalk infront of my friend's boyfriend's bar. I had actually vomited after two freakin' bottles of light beer, while a bunch of dirty old men trying to get drunk stared at me and my friends watched me in disbelief, with their mouths wide agape.
What poise I had gathered wearing that short white skirt was now lost and replaced by embarassment and utter humiliation. Whatever admirers I had garnered with that short white skirt had now mysteriously disappeared after seeing that fateful incident.
Oh, well...
We did have a lot of fun, my short white skirt and I.
See you after the next washing.
*not their real name
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Damn you research!
Research sucks.
I would rather do 1000 NGT, 500 Cytotec insertion, 100 DREs, 50 FBC, 25 IV insertion, 15 suturing, 5 dressing and 3 Cholecystectomy assists in the OR than do research.
And for those who want to ask, NO, I haven't worked on the modifications of my research yet. And neither have I met with my facilitator, even if the deadline for submission of the research proposal is tomorow.
What can I say? Research sucks.
Research sucks.
I would rather do 1000 NGT, 500 Cytotec insertion, 100 DREs, 50 FBC, 25 IV insertion, 15 suturing, 5 dressing and 3 Cholecystectomy assists in the OR than do research.
And for those who want to ask, NO, I haven't worked on the modifications of my research yet. And neither have I met with my facilitator, even if the deadline for submission of the research proposal is tomorow.
What can I say? Research sucks.
Disadvantages of Living With Females vs. Males
In a few weeks or so, I'll be back at the community, living at some house with my medical school classmates for approximately 10 months. Combining four hot females and two guys with potential (Hahaha... Is it too obvious that I'm making sipsip to my groupmates?) makes a very lethal mix of future doctors. The weird conglomerate of fashionista, California girl, overweight but hot mama (Blog ko to! Walang aangal!), vertically-challenged Bisayan beauty added with loverboy and boy genius makes for one fun-filled but equally-challenging 10 months.
In a few weeks or so, I'll be back at the community, living at some house with my medical school classmates for approximately 10 months. Combining four hot females and two guys with potential (Hahaha... Is it too obvious that I'm making sipsip to my groupmates?) makes a very lethal mix of future doctors. The weird conglomerate of fashionista, California girl, overweight but hot mama (Blog ko to! Walang aangal!), vertically-challenged Bisayan beauty added with loverboy and boy genius makes for one fun-filled but equally-challenging 10 months.
I know it hasn't been easy for our boys to deal with our female shenanigans. After all, females aren't that easy to live with. Just look at the things that they had to deal with in order to live peacefully with the opposite sex. These also apply to any guy who has to live with any female, for whatever purpose it might be:
1. Our panties, thongs and underwire bras attack their faces as they hang their own underwear on the clothesline.
2. They have to endure looking at used napkins and pantyliners in the trash cans.
3. Looking for a simple comb amidst the barrage of make-up, shampoos, face creams, hair accessories and assortment of brushes in the vanity table as they fix their own hair.
4. Handing us tissues everytime we watch a sappy movie on our laptop.
5. They can't watch porn from our laptop.
6. They can't whack off in the CR. One of us is sure to notice how long he has been in there and make a comment about it.
7. Waiting for us to finish taking a bath.
8. They are at risk of being put into the "Friends Only" category. I mean, seriously, if you aren't already dating and you were close enough to see each other's underwear in the sampayan, surely, don't expect the sparks to come out anymore.
9. Having to listen to "You are like a brother to me."
10. They are unable to be their true self. They can't scratch their balls infront of us and neither can they go around the house in nothing but their underwear. Plus, because they don't see themselves as well-endowed above the waist, they have to wear a T-shirt before getting out of the bathroom. Or risk being made fun of.
But then, it hasn't really been such a party for us as well. They're not exactly what you call the best roommates ever. For girls, there are disadvantages to living with males, such as:
1. Having their briefs attack our faces in the clothesline.
2. Having to look cute and pretty all the time. They are, after all still a member of the opposite sex.
3. Enduring the stench of Athlete's foot.
4. Making sure that you sit decently and that everything that should be covered is well-covered despite the really skanky shortpants that you are wearing.
5. Forcing to shave because you can't pluck your armpit hairs infront of these guys.
6. You can't eat too much, not even the leftovers, or else someone will comment.
7. Being teased at all the time. And I mean, all the time.
8. Shortening your grooming time from one hour to 10 minutes, because they're always making you hurry up.
9. Having to pretend they didn't whack off in the CR, even if it took them practically an hour in there.
10. Having to wear a bra all the time, even at home, even when you're sleeping.
DISCLAIMER: This is in no way reflective of my groupmates in Barangay Silucap. Well, at least, some of them aren't. Hehehe... As far as I know, our boys don't have Athlete's foot. They in fact take very good care of their feet. I don't know if any one of them actually whack off in the CR. And if they do, I don't think they will admit it. And finally, Noy, you may come out of the bathroom shirtless. We won't make fun of you. Promise...
A Clerk's Guide To Hot Spots For Making Out in ZCMC
They barrage us with a million and one insults, consume our well-needed sleeping time with OR assists, Cytotec insertions and RBS q4, use up our tired little bodies until we are nothing but skin and bones. We deserve to be treated like humans. We too have animal urges. Therefore, between delivering babies and intubating patients, we also need that quickie fix. Thus, I decided to enlighten you with, not one, not two but 15 top spots to get that quick booty action in between 24 hour duties in our so-called home away from home, the ZCMC hospital.
1. The Minor OR across Room 13 (Optha OPD).
You can use the gigantic microscope to look into each other's eyes, literally, an check out for your partner's pterygium, corneal laceration, cataract, etc. And if that bores you, you can always make use of that big OR bed.
2. The Ward 8's Doctor's Quarters at the 2nd Floor.
The darkly unlit staircase leading to the 2nd floor is a foreplay-magnet already by itself. You can surprise your man and come into the room wearing nothing but your patient's chart, strategically placed infront of your best-kept secrets.
3. The OR.
For a truly aseptic environment. Best for guys and girls with poor immune systems (asthmatics, comatose, Bubble Boy)... who want to get dirty.
4. The PGI Male Quarters.
Predictable, yes, but still useful for those quickies. Just make sure to lock the door, okay? Not all of us are open to the idea of looking at some girl's boobies or some guy's hairy ass at 2 o' clock in the morning.
5. Room 1 (OB-Gyne OPD).
You gotta have a kick out of doing the deed in a place where woman who have done the deed are checked out. Unfortunately, the strange contraption of a bed might stifle your creativity seeing that not a lot of positions can be done in here... Still, there's no harm in trying...
6. The dark corner between Room 10 (Pedia OPD) and Radiology.
It's dark and isolated. Enough said.
7. The Chapel.
It's sacrilege, I know, but you can't blame a girl who has spent most of her life in Catholic schools from thinking about it =)
8. Procto Room at Ward 4.
Only you and your man will know what you guys did with the proctoscope. And I'm sure it wasn't pretty...
9. The IE Room at Ward 1.
After receiving all sorts of insult and demerits from your favorite OB resident, you can defile their holy ward by inviting your man for a quick "Internal Examination."
10. The ZCMC Quadrangle, aka Zamboanga's version of UP Diliman's Sunken Garden.
This place is great because there are a lot of places to do the deed in, whether it's at a bench, the grass, the fountain, under the tree... And the scenery is not bad either. Watch out though for security guards because there are plenty just around the area. This is highly recommended for guys and girls who secretly want to get caught.
11. ER Supply Room.
It contains plenty of gadgets that can be used as sex paraphernalia. You might even unleash your creativity with all the things that you can grab onto this minuscule of a room, whether it be a Betadyne-soaked cotton balls, stainless steel containers, rolls of gauze, plaster, etc.
12. The stairs leading to the 2nd floor of the Ward 2 Doctor's Quarters.
Just think about the possibilities... The place already looks like a stockroom that no janitor has cleaned for millenniums so you don't need to clean up afterward.
13. The ICU.
For a well-sanitized environment. And if your man is about to have a Myocardial Infarction with all the excitement (which means that you're probably screwing with someone thrice your age, you dirty, dirty girl!), you'll have an O2 tank and Intubation set on hand.
14. The PE Room at the Blood Bank.
You can pretend to be the doctor and him, your patient, or vice versa, and proceed to do an extensive Physical Examination on each other.
Him: "Oh, doctor, do I have to remove my pants?"
You: "Well, you can't donate blood if you have a history of STD, you know?"
Him: "Oh, doctor, I'm sure I don't."
You: "Let me check so we can be sure about it."
Him: "Okay, doctor. But can you please remove your shirt as well?"
You: "Sure... I'll even throw out my pants as well. After all, the patient is always right."
15. The Conference Hall.
Just for kicks =)
DISCLAIMER: I am too much of a conservative - Yes, Me! A Conservative! Don't you dare laugh! - to actually try one of these places myself but I have actually heard from people who tried. I swear to God this is true. You're free to try them yourself, you know... But if one of these days, we see each other in the said places, just mind your own business and don't say a word... It'll be our little secret...
They barrage us with a million and one insults, consume our well-needed sleeping time with OR assists, Cytotec insertions and RBS q4, use up our tired little bodies until we are nothing but skin and bones. We deserve to be treated like humans. We too have animal urges. Therefore, between delivering babies and intubating patients, we also need that quickie fix. Thus, I decided to enlighten you with, not one, not two but 15 top spots to get that quick booty action in between 24 hour duties in our so-called home away from home, the ZCMC hospital.
1. The Minor OR across Room 13 (Optha OPD).
You can use the gigantic microscope to look into each other's eyes, literally, an check out for your partner's pterygium, corneal laceration, cataract, etc. And if that bores you, you can always make use of that big OR bed.
2. The Ward 8's Doctor's Quarters at the 2nd Floor.
The darkly unlit staircase leading to the 2nd floor is a foreplay-magnet already by itself. You can surprise your man and come into the room wearing nothing but your patient's chart, strategically placed infront of your best-kept secrets.
3. The OR.For a truly aseptic environment. Best for guys and girls with poor immune systems (asthmatics, comatose, Bubble Boy)... who want to get dirty.
4. The PGI Male Quarters.
Predictable, yes, but still useful for those quickies. Just make sure to lock the door, okay? Not all of us are open to the idea of looking at some girl's boobies or some guy's hairy ass at 2 o' clock in the morning.
5. Room 1 (OB-Gyne OPD).
You gotta have a kick out of doing the deed in a place where woman who have done the deed are checked out. Unfortunately, the strange contraption of a bed might stifle your creativity seeing that not a lot of positions can be done in here... Still, there's no harm in trying...
6. The dark corner between Room 10 (Pedia OPD) and Radiology.
It's dark and isolated. Enough said.
7. The Chapel.
It's sacrilege, I know, but you can't blame a girl who has spent most of her life in Catholic schools from thinking about it =)
8. Procto Room at Ward 4.
Only you and your man will know what you guys did with the proctoscope. And I'm sure it wasn't pretty...
9. The IE Room at Ward 1.
After receiving all sorts of insult and demerits from your favorite OB resident, you can defile their holy ward by inviting your man for a quick "Internal Examination."
10. The ZCMC Quadrangle, aka Zamboanga's version of UP Diliman's Sunken Garden.
11. ER Supply Room.
It contains plenty of gadgets that can be used as sex paraphernalia. You might even unleash your creativity with all the things that you can grab onto this minuscule of a room, whether it be a Betadyne-soaked cotton balls, stainless steel containers, rolls of gauze, plaster, etc.
12. The stairs leading to the 2nd floor of the Ward 2 Doctor's Quarters.
Just think about the possibilities... The place already looks like a stockroom that no janitor has cleaned for millenniums so you don't need to clean up afterward.
13. The ICU.
For a well-sanitized environment. And if your man is about to have a Myocardial Infarction with all the excitement (which means that you're probably screwing with someone thrice your age, you dirty, dirty girl!), you'll have an O2 tank and Intubation set on hand.
14. The PE Room at the Blood Bank.
You can pretend to be the doctor and him, your patient, or vice versa, and proceed to do an extensive Physical Examination on each other.
Him: "Oh, doctor, do I have to remove my pants?"
You: "Well, you can't donate blood if you have a history of STD, you know?"
Him: "Oh, doctor, I'm sure I don't."
You: "Let me check so we can be sure about it."
Him: "Okay, doctor. But can you please remove your shirt as well?"
You: "Sure... I'll even throw out my pants as well. After all, the patient is always right."
15. The Conference Hall.
Just for kicks =)
DISCLAIMER: I am too much of a conservative - Yes, Me! A Conservative! Don't you dare laugh! - to actually try one of these places myself but I have actually heard from people who tried. I swear to God this is true. You're free to try them yourself, you know... But if one of these days, we see each other in the said places, just mind your own business and don't say a word... It'll be our little secret...
Of Passing and Butterfly Tattoos
This is the face of the girl who has passed her post-clerkship exam!
I was thinking of putting up a butterfly tattoo at my lumbosacral area to celebrate the occasion. Kind of like something to look at to make me remember what I accomplished but like the girl that I am, I spent my money shopping for things I didn't need. Hehehe...
Maybe next time!
The End of the Road
My lucky streak has ended. I am about to taste my very first failing grade tomorrow in my entire medical school life. Apparently, only 6 out of 20 have passed. I honestly don't see myself being among the six. I've been enjoying life too much for the past few days that my academics have pretty much taken the back seat,. Arghhhh! Oh well...
But if by some miracle I did pass the exam, I swear I'm going to minimize my barhopping days and drunken nights out. Maybe just once a week, promise. Is that okay, Lord?
Help, lord. Help!
My lucky streak has ended. I am about to taste my very first failing grade tomorrow in my entire medical school life. Apparently, only 6 out of 20 have passed. I honestly don't see myself being among the six. I've been enjoying life too much for the past few days that my academics have pretty much taken the back seat,. Arghhhh! Oh well...
But if by some miracle I did pass the exam, I swear I'm going to minimize my barhopping days and drunken nights out. Maybe just once a week, promise. Is that okay, Lord?
Help, lord. Help!
Saying my Goodbyes
Yesterday was the last day of our clerkship. I'm done with hospital duties for now. As I was walking home Iast night, I realized that despite all the hardships we encountered during our 6 months in the hospital, I enjoyed the experience a lot and I would definitely be missing a lot of things/people/situations in the hospital. So, let me take this opportunity to say my goodbyes to the people and places that have kept me sane during my 6 months of hospital duty and made these 6 months one of the greatest experiences an aspiring medical doctor could ever ask for.
Goodbye residents... To Doc Alawaddin, my yosi buddy and tong-its mastermind. You're such a flirt, Doc! Hehehe, joke... Doc Akalal, you're so nice! I very much enjoyed being one of the Akalal babies... Doc Bastero, let's drink again with Janet one of these days. And be faithful to your wife!... Doc Miranda, thanks for the night out at Ground Zero. No more hang-over for you!... Doc Amilhasan, where are you?... Doc Barrios, behave! There are a lot of diseases spreading around nowadays. Hehehe... Doc Balido, thanks for lunch at the Dietary, even if clerks are prohibited there... Doc Bravo, thanks for considering me a good friend to keep your secrets. I'm so touched... Doc Buena, no comment. Don't want to have 
demerits increased... Doc ST, even if you are very demanding, thanks for your patience with us... Doc Rojo, Daddy! You're so nice! ... Doc Lim, I mean, Papa Lim, ultimate crush of the Ortho Angels. Hahaha... We'll miss you!... Doc Cuevas, thanks for the craniotomy experience. Will my beauty pass up already as Future Neurosurgeon? Hehehe.. Doc Mangkabung, it's okay. That's life. You'lll soon find someone more worthy of you... Doctora Akalal, our pasalubong, doc!... and to the rest of the residents as well as consultants, thanks for everything.
Goodbye Interns... To Sir Eric, my yosi buddy during my IM days who always gets complete bed rest. Faithful daw kuno!... Sir Allan, hope you're friends with Jackie. Hehehe... To Sir, este, Ma'am Joji, ang reyna ng paghahada. Hehehe. Being with you is so much fun! No dull moments!... and to the rest of the interns, thanks!
Goodbye nurses... whose names we used to confuse. Forgive us!... who knew we smoked but never ratted out on us... who most likely talked about us behind our backs. I wonder what your nickname you gave me? I'm kinda curious.
Goodbye IWs... thanks for the patience to our bossiness and annying demands... Hermano, el bendisyon di amun y el reso para di amun futuro!
Goodbye Friendship, we will miss your yema and spicy peanuts! Yum, yummm...
Goodbye Momsie at Harvest, who provides our daily sustenance for the most part of our clerkship. Thanks for keeping your food safe.
Goodbye PGI Quarters Male... my favorite tambayan, hang-out of those who don't have a life, , nebulizing area, sleeping area, hideaway of scandalous secrets, library, grocery and motel in one... I will definitely miss my home away from home.
Goodbye Medtech interns ... you were all very nice and accomodating to us... Medtech Boy, thanks for the kilig during my Pedia days. I guess I needed that. Unfortunately, you KNOW that you are cute and your cockiness can be vey annoying... To Hema Boy, you have the nicest eyes I have ever seen in a guy. if only one of us got the nerve to talk to each other sooner... Who knows? Hehehe. As if!... Eat plenty and start carrying weights, okay?
And finally, goodbye Maroon 5, I will surely miss you. I will treasure whatever semblance of a boy-girl relationship we had in my mind and think of you fondly always. At least now, there's no more reason for you to keep on playing mind games with me... If we were meant to be, then destiny will find a way. Naks! As if! You're so delusional, Mae...
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