Ruminations of a Kept Woman

I am a kept woman.

I am not proud of it. But I have to embrace the fact that yes, I am Lasa's kept woman.

Before you start alerting my parents and labeling me a homewrecker, let me get a few facts clear. I am not living in with him and neither is he supporting me financially. I love my independence too much to actually do that. He is neither married, separated or divorced. We do plenty of wholesome things and he does not make me feel like I am his constant booty call. Yet I am aware that he has a girlfriend out there somewhere. And maybe other girls, who knows? And that because of too many unwanted factors, our relationship has to remain a secret to almost everybody.

So, why am I announcing this fact now?

Because I don't want other girls to be in the same state of confusion that I am in right now.

If you see yourself going anywhere near that same path, don't even think about it. Just walk away and don't turn back. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

Being a kept woman has its thrills, yes. Studies reveal that the chemical receptors responsible for that feeling of being inlove last only approximately three to eight months, but because your relationship has no set boundaries, you are constantly in a state of perpetual excitement. Your relationship neither has any limits nor expectations that if he ends up doing something really nice or really sweet, you swoon over the fact that he actually cared enough to do that for you. He is more honest to you than to anyone else. There is no need for anyone of you impress each other thus, you enjoy each other's company while simply being your true self. He surpassses your expectations and constantly surprise you because you never expect him to care for you as much as you care for him.

But you don't really trust him that much. You keep yourself from falling inlove with him even when you know your attempts are futile because you already love him, probably more than he loves you. You presume that when he doesn't text you right away, he could be with his other girlfriend. That no matter how compatible you both are, somebody else has a bigger hold on him. That no matter how sweet and caring he is to you, you are still only his second priority. That even if he did break up with his original girlfriend, some other girl can still come and take up the role you used to portray in his life.

Yes, karma's a bitch.

You both know that eventually what you have will end. You both know that when things get rocky, or the thrill has ended, or things had stopped being fun for both of you, neither of you are actually bound to work hard to still make the relationship work. You cannot delude yourself that you will marry him someday, or else you will only disappoint yourself and get your heart really broken.

The life of a kept woman is sad. Yet I stick it out with him because I have never felt this free and this comfortable in a relationship. Except for a few things, he is my ideal boyfriend.

He is after all the male version of me.