The White House Telenovela of Sheryl and Romnick

Sheryl Cruz and Romnick Sarmienta have known each other for almost 5 years. It was love at first sight, at least, for Romnick. There was a five year age difference but that didn’t stop Romnick. Before long, the two were inseparable. It was an unconventional relationship, to say, the least, because Sheryl was brought up under the care of an unextremely strict uncle (who in my opinion, needs to get laid or get married, so he can stop butting into the lives of his 28 year old niece) . Boyfriends were not allowed and neither were suitors. Still, the love that blossomed between the two cannot be denied. Oh, there were the occasional fights – a headstrong idealistic conservative proud 28 year-old girl who couldn’t love a guy too much for fear of leading him on and disappointing him when her family finds out and intervene plus a laidback occasionally immature pageant contestant pretty boy in his early 20’s who couldn’t make up his own mind but prefers to obey her statements to the letter without even reading between the lines doesn’t always make for a pretty picture. But the power of love always rears its ugly head no matter how much you deny it. So, despite all the trials, the two remained with each other.

Sheryl’s friends envied her. Romnick took care of her, stood by her despite the limitations that she had to make him put up with and he was there with only one text even if it was only to accompany her for a few minutes because she was scared of going upto a dark building alone at night. Afraid of leading him too much and disappointing him as well, she chose to profess her love in the most understated statements, bringing him icy cold drinks in the middle of the night in his workplace, dodging bullets and frantic troubles created by drunken men during one particular night out with friends, cheering him on in the background along with the wives and girlfriends of the Tuesday Group of That’s Entertainment, joining his family for dinner like a well-accepted member of his family, ignoring her pride and texting him first after two weeks of silence. And her friends loved him, because not only had he become her friend but a friend to them as well. Several times he hung out with her friends even without her company and he knew how to get along with them, without her needing to worry if he might have a good time with her friends.

It was such a sweet sweet deal.

Until one day, all hell broke loose.

During an out-of-town outing to Pagsanjan Falls by the all-male members of the Tuesday Group of That’s Entertainment, all the males, married or otherwise, had physical relations with a local tribe of naked women who loved dancing to the tune of “The Power of Love.” Romnick was apparently included among those who partook in the said activities. It was truly a disgusting secret that the members have chosen to keep from their wives and girlfriends, attesting to the sad fact that boys will be boys and that what happens in Pagsanjan Falls, stays in Pagsanjan Falls. Unfortunately, like all secrets, no matter how long it has been kept, there comes a day that the truth is always revealed and this information somehow ended up in the hands of Sheryl and Romnick’s friends.

On another note, by some strange fate, a good friend of Sheryl, Manilyn Reynes, who had a friend at SM Cubao where Romnick was working, was told by her friend that Romnick had a girlfriend in SM Cubao, a certain girl by the name of Anne Curtis. Apparently, it was common knowledge that Romnick and Anne were a couple. Sheryl was unable to personally confirm the rumor but was so shaken up by the information and wanted to tell Sheryl right away that she asked for advice from another friend, Angel Locsin. Angel told her to wait, not to tell, because the rumor was not confirmed and it would destroy whatever breakthroughs they were currently developing in their relationship. Angel wanted to personally confirm the rumor but juggling her career as a rocket scientist in NASA and as a newly-divorced single mom was taking up too much of her time that she totally forgot about talking to Romnick about the rumors that she had heard.

Until the day Sheryl found out all about it and confronted Romnick.

There are only two words to summarize the events that happened afterwards: SAD and UGLY. It was sad because Sheryl ended it with Romnick. It was ugly because Romnick got mad. It could’ve been the best opportunity that the two could’ve used to bring their relationship to the next level, instead, it brought out the worst in them. Sheryl, who seemed in the verge of taking a step forward with him, has now chosen to take a thousand steps backward. She no longer trusted him and told him to stop communicating with her. Romnick, who could’ve utilized the opportunity to finally make her tell him how he really stood in her life and to admit to him that she loved him as well, got mad instead of proving to her that the rumors weren’t true. In his quest to make Sheryl happy, he has chosen instead to respect her wishes and has stopped communicating with her.

Oh, come on… Am I the only person in the world who knows that when your girlfriend is mad at you and tells you to stop calling, it is only half-meant and what she really wants is for you to run after her and force her to listen? Aren’t all those scenes in Tagalog movies evidence enough - the boy standing under the rain, dripping wet, or in an umbrella, holding flowers and screaming outside her house until she begs him to stop screaming so as not to embarrass her infront of his family and she comes out of the house to finally talk to him?

So, now, everybody is sad. Sheryl is sad, Romnick is sad, their friends are in mourning and everybody is in turmoil as to who to believe. Sheryl, who worked in the White House and is loved by her friends, got a variety of unsolicited advice from different people. Majority of her friends were from the Republican Party who claimed that once a rumor comes out that a guy has cheated on you, there should be no gray area, it should end right then and there. These were the friends who believe that one, their boyfriends never look at other girls, two, will not have sex with any other woman even if he wasn’t getting any at all from them and three, do not have other “lady friends”. A relative few, the ones who’ve been around the block and back, were from the Democratic Party, who advised her to give both of themselves some space, maybe a week or two for her anger to cool down, and then talk, if not to give him a chance to explain himself, at least, to confront unsaid issues between them for the last time. Some of the boys from the Democratic Party simply chose not to comment, probably in their belief that what happened was true but that all boys should stick together so Romnick should just deny it, at all means. Others claimed that Sheryl should forgive Romnick and just continue the relationship, but not take it too seriously. In short, she should just play around too.

This White House telenovela between Sheryl and Romnick has brought a lot of issues out in the open, common day concerns that bring down even the best of relationships. We all know that it is not only Sheryl and Romnick who deal with issues such as these, for even our own relationships are not picture-perfect. In my quest to find the moral of the story, I have listed these concerns and will discuss it one by one, as objectively as I can:

1. When should one believe that a rumor that a guy is cheating is true?
When one has been told that the guy you love is cheating on you, should you believe it right away? Personally for me, it depends on the source. Even if, let’s say, someone very close to you told you about it, you still have to ask how he or she found out about it. Personally, for me, I have three qualifications to believing that such a rumor is true:
1) the guy admits to it,
2) you’ve seen it personally with your own two eyes, and
3) his cheating has affected the relationship that he is unable to do his responsibilities and certain changes are noted in the way he deals with his girlfriend.

In Sheryl and Romnick’s case, it was a friend of Manilyn, who told her about Romnick having a girlfriend. We’re not quite sure just how close this friend of Manilyn was to Anne, because for all we knew, they were nothing but simple acquaintances who pass each other occasionally at work, so even if we attest that Manilyn is a reliable source, we can’t really say for sure just how reliable this friend of Manilyn is.

A long time ago, I met this guy, Geoff Eigenmann, during my internship. He was smart, funny and incredibly fun to be with. He had a girlfriend, who at that time was somewhere in Manila. We spent a lot of time together, eating kwek-kwek at boulevard, playing badminton at the grandstand, hanging out at the Intern’s Quarters, getting drunk after finding out my ex-boyfriend was getting married, talking about our past loves and future career plans. I helped him out with the errands during grandmother’s surgery, became a watcher along with his cousins and he helped me out with my MPH research. He hanged out with my friends and I during our pool parties and night outs at a local club, and I spent some time with his family at his house during Christmas Day. His family and classmates from highschool thought I was his girlfriend, even my own classmates thought he was my boyfriend. Even if it might have looked that way to other people, truth be told, we were never really a couple, just very very very good friends. He never courted me, we never told each other “I love you” (those times when either of us were drunk and texting “ I love you pare” didn’t count), and as far as I recalled, we never referred to each other as “my boyfriend” or “my girlfriend.” Any other girl could have deluded herself into thinking that Geoff is already doing the roles of a boyfriend especially if he is incredibly friendly to me, thoughtful and is always there for me like a true friend, therefore, he must be inlove with me. But unless you back me up into a corner and tell me right out to my face that you love me, then, I will never make the mistake of assuming that you do. Anyway, somewhere along the line, I realized that I might have been inlove with him, but somehow, because I felt like he was taking two steps back for every step I make forward, I moved on and had a boyfriend. He too eventually broke up with his girlfriend in Manila and had a relationship with someone else. We remained good friends still, even when either of us were in or in-between relationships.

It is incredibly easy to assume that this boy and that girl are boyfriend-girlfriend. In my case, if you didn’t know me that well, you would have assumed that he was my boyfriend. But truth is, if you weren’t my bestfriend, the only way for you to know the complete truth is if you asked me yourself.

2. What if the source of the rumor is the third party herself, in this case, Anne?
Then, there’s a 50-50 chance that it’s true. It is after all tiring to love someone if you have to put up with so much, when you know very well you can get that love easily from someone else, without even making so much of an effort. With all the things that Romnick had to put up with for the past five years, most guys would have moved on to another girl, a long long time ago. But there was no question about his love for her that he chose to stand by Sheryl’s side all these years. Romnick would not have wasted almost five years of his life loving Sheryl in the background, like an unrecognized boyfriend - putting up with her telling him not to text her when her uncle is around, making do with her other ways of showing her affection when all he ever wanted was to hear her say those three little words, being considerate when she can’t attend his own birthday party because her uncle was around - only to sabotage all his own efforts by having a relationship with Anne at the same time that his friends and family know that Sheryl is his girlfriend.

Sheryl and Romnick live in a really small city. It’s quite difficult having a serious girlfriend who comes from a strict family and sneaking around with a fling without being found out, what more if you had to be having two serious girlfriends, making sure that neither one of them find out? Trust me, I’ve been in a similar situation before – I had the misfortune of being one of the girlfriends - and all the sneaking around just wasn’t worth it at all.

3. So, let’s say, the thing between Romnick and Anne was an outright lie or a complete exaggeration of the truth. What should happen next?
Simple. Romnick should, at all costs, make Sheryl listen to him. That includes finding actual evidence that will prove to her that he and Anne are just friends, even if he had to force Sheryl to talk to Anne herself. Never take no for an answer, no matter what Sheryl tells him. For once he should learn to read between the lines. If worst comes to worst, the Tagalog movie scenes of the guy standing outside the girl’s house, dripping wet under the rain, holding an umbrella and a bunch of flowers, while screaming for the girl’s name, never fail.

4. And if it was true?
They should still talk. One week of no communications, to let the anger of the moment tide down, and then, they should talk. For the last time. A lot of questions are still left unanswered and years from now, despite each of them moving on to other relationships, when by some strange twist of fate, their paths might pass, these questions will crop up and the emotions will burst with issues being left unsolved. Better to give Romnick that chance to explain why he had to cheat and Sheryl to finally tell him how she feels, than to let a lot of things unsaid between them. Every broken relationship deserves closure. Every broken relationship deserves that last goodbye.

5. How about that disgusting display of machismo that the boys of the Tuesday Club of That’s Entertainment all partook in in Pagsanjan Falls? Is it forgiveable if a guy cheats on you by having sexual relations with commercial sex workers?
This is an issue that I have to thread carefully in. For one, a lot of my own female friends are very idealistic. I don’t want to destroy their own rose-colored views about love and the men they’re inlove with, because I’d like them to remain positive and innocent, even if somehow misguided. I’ve always believed that the best kind of love is the love that has no tint of jadedness and that one’s first true love is the most purest of all the loves that one will encounter in his entire life. But truth is, most men have an abhorable imperfect dark side that they refuse to let their wives/girlfriends know about. It is a disgusting part of themselves that only other men are aware about.

I’m talking about a guy’s machismo.

A guy’s machismo is an inherent mechanism in his mind that he is a man and should be treated that way. It is a combination of his double-standard-ness, jealousy, his need to be in control, his need to belong to a group and his need to assure that he still has his cojones. This explains why boyfriends make their girlfriends delete their ex-boyfriend’s phone number in their inbox when they still text with their female bestfriends whom they used to have a crush with constantly, why they love playing with guns, why most guys secretly dream of being a soldier, why most guys prefer team sports, war games or any other activity that involves at least more than two people, why guys find the need to make fun of each other when around a lot of people, why the ultimate fantasy of most men is a threesome and why guys always check themselves out naked infront of a mirror and tell themselves they look hot. Because this is something known only to other men such as himself, a lot of unwritten codes have resulted as a product of most men having to prove their machismo, the most popular ones being “Boys will be Boys,” “If caught, deny it to death,” and “It’s okay to sleep with a lot of women, as long as you keep on going back home to only one.”

As a consequence of my own research regarding sexual behavior of policemen in Zamboanga City, I have come to realize that:
1) A lot of decent guys – guys you would normally not consider as ever having stepped foot inside a strip club - have experienced engaging in sex with commercial sex workers (CSWs). Looks can deceive and I’ve met and sad to say, dated a few who have had experience in such.
2) Most guys would consider engaging in sex with CSWs normal. In a female point of view, we see it as disgusting but most men will tell you that for some of them, it is a rite of passage from boyhood to manhood and for their less unfortunate physically-deprived brothers, the only way that they can get laid.

In other words, if a group of ten guys walk into a strip club, and half of the guys in the group decides to pay for sex, it takes very little convincing for the rest of the group to do the same thing themselves. Men consider this normal, “clean” fun. The peer pressure and his need to belong will easily persuade a man to do the same thing, no matter how morally degrading he personally feels about it. In the company of other men, most men generally lose tract of their own conscience. The stench of testosterone floods their senses, competitive bones go into overdrive and it becomes a battle of who can prove that he has bigger and better balls.

But this is simply a male’s point of view, or at least, how I would see it if I was a male. Going to a feminine perspective, personally, if I found out my boyfriend or husband had sex with a CSW, it would have to depend on the status of our relationship if I would ever forgive him. There are certain conditions that have to be met for me to actually forgive him, and it would take a lot of his convincing powers to make me do so.
1) If our relationship wasn’t that serious
2) If he wasn’t getting any sex with me
3) If he was but he was going to be away from me for quite a long, long time, (e.g. we both work at different cities and we only see each other every few months or so)
4) If it was a one-time only and he can prove that it was not unprotected
5) There was no emotional involvement

Some idealistic girls might think that forgiving someone for such an indiscretion is martyrdom. I don’t really see it that way. In reality, relationships are not black and white, there will always be those gray areas, and it is those gray areas that would need a lot of communication for the whole thing to work.

There’s really no other way to say this – men are and will always be little boys at heart. We, as women, have no choice but to accept that as they grow old, the men that we love are still the same little boys who have a constant need to prove that they are no longer boys, but men. They are not perfect and so are women. It is only the love that they share which becomes the driving force that makes us put up with so much inconvenience and continually accept each other’s imperfections.

Truth is, it’s really sad when good friends of yours break up. It’s even sadder than when your own relationship doesn’t work out. Why? Because if it doesn’t work out for them, how can you make sure that when you finally choose to take that step again, it will also work out for you?

We all need to believe that love still works, if not for us, if not for now, at least, it works for other people.