Fantasy Boyfriends: Top 5 and Worst

Being a confirmed single female in her 20’s, I am frequently a favorite among friends in solid relationships to be asked if I wanted to be set up with their equally single male friends. Sometimes, if I was really bored and feeling a little depressed and unappreciated, I said yes. I figured if it didn’t work out, at least, I get to meet a new acquaintance (and a potential client for my profession in the near future) and not to mention, another experience to write about in my blog. One time, a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to be set up with his friend, a commercial model.

Okay…

Call me stereotypical but commercial models are just not the type of guys I could certainly see myself dating. For one, they look way better than me. And I am already too insecured about my own looks to actually consider spending a lot of time with someone who will make me feel uglier. Two, I don’t particularly see myself having any intelligent conversation with any one of their types. I can be as shallow and superficial as the next guy but the advantages of hard drinks versus light beer, or proper accessorizing of the little black dress or exercises on how to best make the deltoids pop or the 4-pack abs look like six-packs just don’t necessarily count to me as intelligent conversation. Three, I love guys who are confident but I draw the line with guys who are too full of themselves. It’s not cute. It’s annoying.

Thus, for my friends who love setting me up with their own single friends, let’s make both of our lives easier okay? I’ve come up with the Top 5 Worst Types of Boyfriends I Could Think Of that you guys should never ever consider setting me up with. Unless of course you absolutely think that he is my soulmate, meaning he’s probably read my diary and we can finish each other’s sentences, then, maybe, I might still think about it.

1. Commercial Model.
I think I’ve already explained why.

2. Policemen.
My Masteral in Public Health research was about the sexual behavior of policemen in Zamboanga City. I’ve interviewed some of these men. I know how these guys work their so-called charisma. They cannot bullshit me.

3. Politician.
I’m 27 years old and I’ve never voted. I’ve never registered either. I rarely read the newspaper and I do not watch the news regularly, except for the occasional TV patrol once a week. We would have nothing in common to talk about. I’d be bored out of my mind if he talked about politics and he’d be bored out of his mind if I didn’t have anything to contribute. What’s worse, if we got married, both of us would have to be carrying guns all the time and our children will be “kidnap-able”. I don’t see myself as being the typical politician’s wife waving in the crowd or doing charity works. My parents did not spent too much money for me to get my education only to throw it all away just so I can be someone’s trophy.

4. Heir.
I love my simple life. So what if we have an owner-type jeep instead of a car, I’m always running out of allowance, my cellphone isn’t the latest 8 gigabyte N95, I take public transportation instead of having my own car or that I can’t afford new clothes all the time that my hand-me-downs come from our own helper? So, what? I love being middle-class.

Now, if I was dating an heir or someone filthy rich, I wouldn’t be enjoying the perks of being middle class. For one, I feel awkward around rich sophisticated people. I feel like I should bow to them or something. Two, I don’t want to see myself in a situation where my boyfriend would have to choose between me or his inheritance. Yes, such a cliché I know, but sometimes soap operas do happen in real life. Three, I like being able to go wherever I want to, whenever I want to, and bring along with me whoever I want to. I can’t do that if I had a really rich boyfriend. I’d have to always consider his security and we’d never have any privacy because we’d probably have his bodyguards with us all the time. Four, even if he doesn’t ask me to, I feel like I should offer to draw up a pre-nuptial agreement before marrying him. It would probably be the only way that his parents will accept me but it would also make me feel like I have allowed other people to make me their doormat.

5. Doctor.
I am a doctor by profession, un-licensed as of now, but a doctor still. As such, I’ve spent time with a lot of male doctors and even dated two, enough to know that it is regrettable to even consider them as boyfriend material. One, some of them are know-it-alls. Although I have to admit, it is kinda hot listening to a guy mouth off about Meckel’s diverticulitis or tracheoesophageal fistula, it is more likely that he’s probably just showing off everything he’s learned about the topic. Two, they are like honey to temptation. They can’t find it in themselves to stay away from the female medical representatives peddling their wares (taunting them, like as if sex will be thrown in addition if the doctor supports their product), the flirtatious nurses, the submissive interns and clerks who are too awed by their superiority and afraid of being given demerits to say no. And worse, these doctors’ only excuse is that “I wasn’t doing anything. Sila ang lumalapit,” as if the brains that got them through medical school were useless in making them avoid the lure of these women. So far, the only male doctors I’ve met who have remained loyal to their girlfriends are those whose sexual preferences are still in doubt and questionable.
I’m not saying that there are no faithful down-to-earth and testosterone-loaded doctors in existence because, there are probably are. Goodluck though in finding one.

In line with this, I have also come up with my Top 10 Best Type of Boyfriends. Of course, considering that I do not personally know anyone who comes close to being in this list, these also remain my Top 10 Ideal Fantasy Boyfriend.

1. Human Rights Lawyer. I love a smart man who knows how to argue with me intelligently without finding the need to raise their voice just to be heard.
2. Stand-up Comic. The best type of guys are those who can make me laugh even if I’m already mad at them.
3. Amazing Race Contestant. I dream of joining The Amazing Race with a really hot boyfriend by my side and he proposes to me during the last lap of the race. Of course, if he starts whining like a little girl and we get kicked out before we’ve even traveled to at least three countries, it’s soo over for the two of us.
4. F1 Racecar Driver. I love speed. I need an excuse to learn how to drive fast.
5. A Member of the Philippine Olympic Swimming Team. V-shaped bodies are so hot!
6. Sharpshooter. Guns are hot.
7. A “So You Think You Can Dance” contender who’s not gay
8. A Piolo Pascual look-alike who’s also not gay
9. A World Cups series soccer player
10. An internationally renowned chef in a 5-star restaurant. I love food and a guy who knows how to cook. Enough said.